What do you think? split custody?

Okay...I know part of the question says "What do you think?" However, that only applies to the people giving genuine advice and not judging me. Okay, I am due with my baby girl in March. However, I am not with the father. We are going to do a 50/50 custody type thing. He gets her one week and I get her the next.
1. What is your opinion on this?
2. What are some things we need to discuss?
3. Besides pumping breastmilk for her to be fed when she is away from me what else do I need to do?
4. Any other comments or advice is welcome.

7 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 7

I think as soon as the child is born, due a paternity test to establish that he is the father. (Not saying he isnt or you slept around or anything. Its just safest for everyone.)

Then you file for child support and a set a parenting plan. If you can decide together what kind of visitation and whatever to set then thats great. Judges LOVE to see the parents working together. If you cant decide they will send you to mediation and see if you can work it out there.

The week on and week off is good until the child starts school although I dont think even a judge would order that for at least the first few months. Its not so much the breast milk issue because a judge could order you to pump. But its not very stable for the baby.

I think you should take the issues before a judge or mediator and let them guide you to what is best for the child. That doesnt mean you cant let the father see the child as often as he wants! It just means bedtimes and such are more set. The first few months the baby doesnt sleep at night and needs time to get adjusted to things. Having to go back and forth between two houses might not be good for the baby.


ANSWER #2 of 7

thats a good idea to do 50/50. but make sure hes going to be responsible and careing for your baby! quiz him and ask him what if questions to make sure he knows how to care for the baby. ask him questions about how things went with the baby and what he all did with the baby after he does get her for that week. call him everyday that he has the baby and asks what hes did, what hes doing, and what hes going to do for that day. you and your baby daddy dont get along, but you two should find common ground for careing for your baby, and just talk about things that have to do with the baby. its not a bad idea to spend some of the time careing for the child together, like one day both of you care for the baby once a week to check him to make sure hes treating the baby right. also pop up on him unexspectly so you can know whats going on with the baby. I'd say once a day come over to him unnounced so it will be a suprize so you can check on him with the baby. keep doing this everyday so you can feel better about the baby and him. if he does anything wrong, then you can get full custody.


ANSWER #3 of 7

That is really a very noble thing to do. I don't know what question wise and all that you should ask, but I think you need to be careful about this. You may want to wait a few weeks to start this to make sure the child is eating and all properly. It is going to be hard on the child as well as hard on you. Make sure you read up on how to properly store breast milk and all over periods of time. I don't think you will want to go for a full week probably won't be good for the child when that young. You need to ask a professional that deals with this a lot as to what would be best for the child. I know you want to let him see the child and all but really when the child is an infant it will be hard on the child. Maybe let the dad keep the infant on the weekends only at first, that way it is only short periods of time and it will give you the weekends to rest. Then when the child is older, you could change to a week at a time.


ANSWER #4 of 7

It's very good that you decided to let both parents be a part of your child's life. It will help everyone out in the long run.
1. My personal opinion is that breaking up when a baby is on the line short be the last option, however it may be necessary if all else fails. 50/50 is better then 100/0 when it comes to having parents around.
2. You need to discuss just basic things, what you are comfortable with your child doing, TV shows for them to watch, make sure the ex doesn't use profanity and who is going to watch the baby if one of you go on a business trip... ect.
3. You need to have a specified playtime, help her get her energy out. Always pack extra clothing. Make sure she isn't around cigarettes and that the household is "baby proof" (No easy to reach sharp objects or alcohol and so on)
4. I'm pretty sure that covers it. Everything else you'll have to pick up as you go along


ANSWER #5 of 7

ichibanarky said it: its very decent of you to put your child 1st...

many single moms will do anything to make their ex fellas life a living hell

*thumb up* for having the best intrests in your lil un

make sure you pack enough clothes in case of accidents...

wet wipes and such..

I know it comes naturally to a lot of people but make sure he knows how to deal with the baby after theyve eaten and that... like not to put them on their back incase they are sick...

not to shout at the lil baby if she wakes him up in teh night wanting to fed or just after some love... I known he probably wont as he wants his daughter each week too :)

let us know what happens and keep us up to date wtih stuff..


ANSWER #6 of 7

I think that 50/50 is a good idea, but not for a whole week at a time if you can help it. I split with my daughters father when she was three months old and we do split custody but he gets her monday and tuesday and I get her wednesday and thursday and we go every other weekend. If you live close enough to each other that seems to work better. Studies have shown that its not good for a young shild to be away from their parent for that long on a regular basis.


ANSWER #7 of 7

I actually think it's quite noble of you to be willing to allow your baby to grow up with both of her parents so involved in her life - many single mothers wouldn't dream of it.

It sounds as though you and your baby's father already have a open communication, and that's the most important thing to keep going.

I think you'll be fine, so long as she has her own room in both homes so the transitioning won't be difficult for her each week...while she's still young, she's going to need as much normalcy as possible in her life.


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