What do you think of this story?

Okay so I’ve recently started writing this story called Drain and need your honest opinion…


Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.

It’s around 2 a.m, but I can’t seem to sleep. I lay in bed thinking. Hopefully I’m thinking of you…not! I’m thinking about something much better. Yes, you broke my heart and I can’t bring myself to forgive you. All the pain you caused, all the days you said you loved me, were just another way of getting into my pants. Yes, it was, but you have to admit you failed. You just don’t get me like others do. Maybe I’m stupid thinking about this at the dead of night, but what is there to do when you can’t seem to sleep and there’s so many thoughts filled up in your mind?Exactly, that’s what I thought…

I didn’t get any sleep last night. My thoughts surrounded my brain making me dizzy. I can’t think straight. I can’t breathe correctly. I know something is wrong with me. As I walk into the bathroom, I pass my older brother. He’s 17, a senior. I can’t help but compare the two of us. He has those beautiful green eyes the color of an emerald and I have eyes as dark as coal. He bumps into me without saying a word. Sigh. Life goes on indeed.

“I’m failing. Pretty bad if you tell me.” I start a conversation. He spits into the sink and rinses his mouth out with mouthwash. I grab my pink tooth brush the color of cat vomit and squeeze out some toothpaste onto the brush. The bitter sweet taste of the toothbrush makes me want to puke my brains out. I double over and throw up into the toilet while my brother looks at me in shame.

“Sometimes I wish I had a better sister than you.” He said and walked out the bathroom. I wiped my mouth and watched him leave. Of course it did hurt when I heard him say those words filled with tire and hate, but nothing can change me. Not nothing at all…

People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in.

I feel so miserable. It doesn’t help that I forgot to do my homework and that I’m failing two whole semesters. But at least my teachers are the type who doesn’t want students to fail. I thought about last year as I made my way off the big yellow bus. I tucked my hands in the pockets of my faded jeans and kept my head low; avoiding the ugly stares from the people I used to be friends with.

“Erin!” I called after my only friend. She waved out the window of a dark green car and whispered something to the guy in the driving seat. He handed her something…a small plastic baggie. I looked away as the guy looked toward me and smiled. Erin kissed him and got out of the car. I walked toward her staring at the baggie as she stuffed it into her back pocket. She had her bleached blonde hair chopped in many different layers with black and and teal streaks on the bangs. I thought the hairstyle suited her. She approached me with a mischievous grin on her face. I shifted my bag onto my left shoulder and followed her as she passed me.

“What’s in your back pocket?” I asked as she sat onto a picnic bench on the far side of the school. She smiled as if she wanted me to ask that question.

“Something you’re not ready for my child.” She stared at her reflection in the small pocket mirror in her hand. I sat down beside her and bit my nails, watching the passing freshmen’s as they turned the corner.

“I want to know what’s in the bag, Erin?” I asked curiously. She sighed and took the baggie out her back pocket. A gust of wind blew my hair out of my face as I saw the light blue pills poured out into her hand. I knew Erin’s boyfriend did drugs, but I didn’t know she did also.

“It’s called ‘E’…the best kind of high you can ever have.” She put the pills back into the baggie and handed the bag to me. I took one look at the pills and gave them back to her.

“What? Don’t you want to have a decent, overwhelming ride in life? Well this is where the party is. Ecstasy…” I shook my head. I didn’t want to do drugs, that wasn’t my choice.

Answer #1

I think it’s cute, there are a few grammar errors but that’s just because I’m currently in college and so I can see all of that now haha dang school

but yeah girl keep it up, I don’t usually read but I actually did read all of this got my attention

Answer #2

thanks and yes, you might can tell that im still in high school

Answer #3

nice. try inkpop.com

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