What do you think of my story?

Out of the darkness two stooped figures emerged out of an alleyway towards a large building in the middle of town. As they crept along the street, the lampposts revealed two pairs of stunning wings, one huge and black as night, the other, small and white as snow. The larger of the two waited at the bottom of the steps as the smaller one went up to the highly polished nameplate. The moonlight reflected off of it, “The Hall of Records”. Nodding at its companion, who had revealed the true mass of its wings, spread out nearly nine feet in anticipation, the smaller figure unfurled its own wings and headed for the roof.

Three months later, an angel was sentenced to banishment in hell, punishment for trespassing and stealing classified information. Before they were dragged to hell, they vowed revenge on those who had supposedly wronged them. Two figures disappeared into the shadows. The files stolen were never found.

I was there.

I was there when she was born as well. I was there when she took the oath that would shape her life. I was there when she realized WHO and WHAT she was. I was there when she met him and they fell in love. I was there when he took the same oath that would bring him his protector. I was there when they were attacked for what they were. I was there when… well… that would give away the story.

She got Vanessa five years ago. Three hours of blood and sacrifice was all that took to tie her to Satan forever. Her reward was power and a protector that was to die rather than see her hurt. Vanessa protected her from herself, during the times of doubt when she wanted to end her life, and when it came time to tell her what she was and the power she had, Vanessa was there. Her spirit was that of a Chimera, a male spirit and the most powerful of God’s Five Powers. Through years of study, she had been able to separate out her spirit and body and magnify her abilities to that of a high level demon in her body and be fully powerful in her sprit form. Now she protects what is hers with tooth and nail, killing several in her attempts.

He got Dmitri naught but a month ago, but his sensitivity to the paranormal is extraordinary. For someone who has always been slightly sensitive his progress is still rapid. His metal powers are that of a young master, even though most his age merely cling to apprentice work. He is a pure soul; no blood has ever been shed on his light form. He is an accident, a female spirit made from a wolf heart gone awry; he is Little Chimera. 

Three weeks ago, Chimera was being pestered by Satan’s demons, and killed two of them. Her sentence in hell was only a month, very short considering the charges. Little Chimera could not stand her being tortured the way she was down there. Vanessa, her protector, agreed to take over her place. Satan, being the crafty demon he is, agreed.

She stayed in jail for three hours.

Vanessa was released and given control of a legion of demons to do her bidding. But first she had to break the innumerable bonds between herself and Little Chimera. In a fit of painful agony that nearly knocked him out, Vanessa disconnected everything that held them together. Her first target was Chimera. The fight that in sewed was brutal, too brutal to be mentioned here. It ended with Vanessa stabbed by Chimera’s dagger. She went home victorious, but a strange growl hung on her lips.

The next day, a messenger ran into her room and informed them Vanessa was NOT dead at all. After study, Little Chimera flushed Vanessa out of Chimera’s consciousness with his mind and allowed her an audience to atone for what she had done. Vanessa pleaded with him that she had done what she did to protect him from Satan’s evil plot to assassinate both of them. Chimera had simply gotten the wrong idea of her intentions. The coo had been staged. In his hand Vanessa placed a silver dagger to stab her with. She was dying and did not want to die dishonorably at the hands of Satan and his followers. Little Chimera would not do it, not only because he believed Vanessa about the coo, but also because instinct was urging him to throw the knife down. He pleaded with Chimera to heal Vanessa, and although she did not trust Vanessa, she trusted his judgment and did as he asked.

But there was more to the story. Chimera did not have full trust in Vanessa, and as it became her uneasiness was well founded. Vanessa was back with revenge on her heart. Chimera called to her new protector, Azarath, to bring up her followers and protect Little Chimera at all costs. He was still not strong enough to fend off the most powerful demon in the world. Azarath alerted Dmitri who finally woke up from his drunken stupor to protect Little Chimera. Chimera waited patiently, talking to him; waiting for Vanessa to appear in the doorway of her bedroom. It did not take long.

Vanessa appeared out of nowhere, her long black cloak drifting gracefully around her slender hands and feet. A dark mop of hair rested neatly on her head. Wings, small and black, tinged with blood from their last battle, hung limply on her back. Out of a fold of her cloak, she pulled a massive three foot broadsword, deep purple at the blade and pure blood red at the hilt. 

Chimera got up from her seat at the bed, pulling her own quarterstaff out from her back. She took a few swings and wounded Vanessa enough to not consider her an immediate threat, then turned her back to push Little Chimera out of the room. He did not need to see this. As she was about close the door, he saw the purple tip of a sword ram her through the heart. She gasped for air and staggered onto her bed. As her anger towards Vanessa rose and her temper flared her body lost more and more control. Soon the true nature of Chimera came out. Nine foot black wings rose out of her back, her eyes turned black as night, her true demonic nature returned and all pain was lost. Claws jutted out of her hands and her form became larger, darker, and stronger. The massacre did not take long. Before long Vanessa was no more. Chimera crawled over to the doorway, wounded beyond belief, held up Vanessa’s head to him and said to the white figure “Do you see now why you do not trust anyone?”
Answer #1

sorry bout the length. it is a STORY after all.. thankz to those who actually read it though ^^

Answer #2

Too long. Did not read.

Answer #3

I’m not even bothering reading all of this. Make it shorter. We don’t have the time to spend the whole day reading your post.

Answer #4

A war had begun. Little Chimera realized later why Vanessa had wanted revenge.

The next day at Little Chimera’s house, an unknown someone wished to speak with him. Chimera allowed the person to take over her body and talk to Little Chimera. Immediately the person attacked Little Chimera. After a skirmish, where Little Chimera tried to break into their mind and having gotten over a communication barrier by letting them tap into his language resources, as they could not talk normally, the person identified  herself as a general of Satan’s Army, requested to be called Dani, and told him Satan’s purpose. After a short talk, where Dani destroyed Little Chimera’s bow with her claws, Dani decided to give Little Chimer her weapon and join with them, including what Dani controlled of the Satan’s Army.  Dani explained that there used to not only be God’s Five and Satan’s Five, but a third set of five who’s spirit animal was human. Dani was one of them. She also explained that many years ago, Chimera had been trying to kill a demon that the Five thought was redeemable. They got between the two and were massacred by her. She managed to survive by fleeing to God’s final Creation, a planet called Juntor, and waiting out the war. When she returned Satan gave her a position of power and armies to lead.

A few days later, Chimera was attacked while they were sitting in a field. In her place was a guard of a mysterious figure standing feet away. The guard did not explain much, but, using his superior intellect and knowledge of what had been happening, Little Chimera figured out that Dani was NOT the last one of her five to exist. Cedrick, as the spirit was to be known as, struck a deal with Little Chimera. He would not attack Chimera for killing the other three Five, if Chimera could prove that she had rejected her demon tendencies. Cedrick gave the pair a week to prove themselves.

Later that night, an old lover of Chimera’s returned from her absence, awaiting a loving fiancé and a warm bed to sleep in. Chimera, now long past hoping for her return, was in love with Little Chimera. Appropriate, since they were soul mates. Chimera told the story of their romance. Five years ago, Chimera  had found a group of spirits on earth that had chosen to adopt their animal form permanently and live forever on this earth as a pack of wolves. In amongst the barking dogs a light figure was sitting on a rock. Her messy auburn hair fell down to her waist and a tunic hung loosely on her thin frame, slight curves still showing through the baggy fabric. On her hip a small dagger held in a steel sheath was attached with a black leather belt. She wore nothing on her feet but thin sandals, and her head was adorned with a simple bandanna to pull back matted hair. At first glance her beauty showed through to Chimera and he was instantly infatuated with her.  Katie, as she would be known, was the daughter of two of the wolf spirits, and had rejected the ways of her parents and had revolved back into the human form of her spirit. She was alone, and could not speak with the wolves, but wanted to be free and roam the world, leaving her life of ignorance behind her. Chimera took her in and they soon fell into a romance. Two years later, she announced that she was leaving to see the world and that she would be back. Before she left, she and Chimera exchanged vows that they would still be together when she returned. This was made on the assumption neither of them had nor would find a soul mate.

Chimera had. She hadn’t. 

Little Chimera understood the situation but was not happy with Katie’s request of one more night together like old times; dancing under the moonlight, romantic walks around the lake, falling asleep in her lover’s arms and the sun coming in the window to wake them up in the morning. Reluctantly Chimera pushed her away, unhappy because part of him still loved her. Katie didn’t understand though. She pestered and pestered and pestered Chimera, even having the gall to pop into his shower, until one night he got fed up and yelled at her. 

Talking to Chimera one night, Little Chimera noticed something odd. There was a presence in his head that was not Dmitri. Dmitri had been passed out for the last couple of days. Ever since Vanessa had died he had been drinking heavily. Wondering what was going on he looked over at Chimera. She had gotten into a wrestling match with Katie, due to Katie’s constant poking. After a few moments Katie got a little more violent than a wrestling match. She grabbed chimera by the neck and started to choke her. Chimera fought back enough to fend Katie off but she persisted, getting more and more violent with every blow. It got to the point where Chimera’s true nature returned and Katie was pinned down to the bed. Suddenly Little Chimera knew what was going on. Somehow Cedrick had enlisted Katie to provoke Chimera and one of his guards was watching the spectacle THROUGH HIM. Immediately Little Chimera called out to Dragon, another one of God’s Five, to help rid the intruder. The purge came right in time. Seconds later, Chimera’s poisonous bite crushed Katie’s windpipe. Little Chimera felt useless. He could not fight; he could not heal. After an impromptu tracheotomy by Chimera to halfway restore life to his ex-girlfriend, he agreed to let Katie spend the night with him. By two A.M. she was dead. In the morning Azarath took her and buried her near Vanessa.

Little Chimera was laying down with his other guard, Octavia, the next day, and had a sudden urge to fix her arm, which had been cut off at the shoulder from a past war. This was impossible. Lost bone and muscle couldn’t be fixed. Octavia thought the effort was pointless, but nevertheless she let him continue. As Little Chimera pumped energy into Octavia’s arm, the bone and muscle returned and made her a new hand. Shocked and in awe, she bowed her head to him in respect. He had fulfilled part of an old prophesy, saying that one day, a spirit born by accident would come along with powers no one had conquered and eventually kill a god. Immediately Octavia showed him the spot where Katie had been buried and urged him to try to revive her. Healing the dead was the one thing that eluded spirits, and many had died trying to raise family and friends. Concentrating hard, he slowly raised her from the grave.

Moments later Dani took over Chimera’s body from Octavia, saying that Cedrick had seen him raise Katie and that she had killed him in order to save Little Chimera’s life. She also said that Satan would probably want him dead now that he is an alleged “god killer”. In a fit of rage, he had Dani tie down Cedrick and then brought him back to life. After interrogating him, Little Chimera made Cedrick calm down about Chimera and swear an oath of loyalty to both of them. Chimera was allowed to take her body back over, and they sat and talked on the bed for a while before Vanessa walked though the arch of the door.

Immediately Chimera got up and grabbed her arm violently. She threw Vanessa on the bed, pulled out her dagger and was ready to kill Vanessa again when Little Chimera grabbed her hand. He told Chimera to stop, that there was a reason for her coming back. Chimera insisted that it was a mistake because Azarath had buried Katie so close to her.  Little Chimera prevailed and Vanessa was tied up in the same way Cedrick was and forced to swear loyalty, as well as being demoted, the extra energy being stored in Chimera’s rings. Little Chimera, still excited about his new powers, healed Chimera’s wound on her heart from her and Vanessa’s last fight. He was unable to heal anything else on Chimera because of her demonic nature.

All the next day Chimera was tired. She slept for hours and at inopportune times. When she returned home Little Chimera even noticed a difference about her. After getting upset over something he did, Chimera retreated to a chair, sipping her drink feverishly while Little Chimera pouted. Chimera started feeling dizzy and fell out of her chair, having passed out. Little Chimera rushed over to see what was wrong, and as he did, Chimera woke up, asking what time it was, what happened and why Little Chimera was there. Something had possessed her body since morning. 

Immediately little chimera flushed the culprit out. There was a tussle, in which Little Chimera was severely cut by the blades on the intruders hands. He managed to put the growling demon into a submission hold, and then began to interrogate it, trying to scare it with the cross around his neck.  Inevitably the pain Chimera’s body felt got the better of the intruder, and named himself as Harrar, a former bodyguard of Little Chimera’s that had been captured by Satan. Harrar explained that Satan had given him a choice: kill Little Chimera or be killed. Realizing he could not win. Harrar decided to be civil and talk. He explained that Little Chimera was now the most dangerous spirit in the world, and Satan wanted him dead. Exasperated at his fate, Harrar’s loyalty to Little Chimera won out and he killed himself with the dagger on his hip instead of returning to hell empty handed, his fate there to be tortured and killed slowly for failing his task.

Getting Chimera back in her own body, they discussed ideas about how to deal with the situation. Inevitably it was decided that Little Chimera needed to talk with Satan himself to explain the situation. All they wanted was peace. Since Chimera was demon-like in appearance, she agreed to go to hell to find Satan and bring him up to the mortal world for a chat. Little Chimera would entertain Octavia while Chimera was gone.

Chimera looked at the gates of hell. His week of torment lay beyond those gates. Taking a last breath of fresh air, he pushed open the gates to hell, drawing his quarterstaff in the process. His walk to the inner circle of hell was not pleasant. From every direction demons, sent down to the underworld, yelled and threw things at his head.  One female hit him, yelling out that Chimera had killed her son. Names like “demon-slayer” and “traitor” were thrown out. The marks on his arm were there. He had killed his own kind, there was no denying that. He was half-angel, half-demon; He had killed both on many occasions.

Bursting through the doors of the inner circle, Chimera unfurled his wings and forced his eyes jet black, demanding to see Satan. The lesser demons fled immediately, scattering files and papers everywhere, scared that something above them had broken the door to the headquarters and that surely their lives would be next. The high level, white demons guarding the door to Satan’s study remained firm. After reminding them that the marks on her arm were of high level whites like themselves, they backed down as well. Walking calmly into Satan’s study, he greeted Satan with a warm handshake and told him their problem. Agreeing with Chimera, they got into Satan’s carriage and rode out of hell.

Once in Chimera’s body Satan explained to Little Chimera that he was not in this war; that his job was as a figurehead. The white demons controlled the show. He also explained that his five could easily take over if given more power. Satan also said that he wouldn’t mind being off the throne and having a council if it meant going on vacation for a while. The two made general plans to fake Satan’s death and give his power to his Five, on the orders that they create a council. Satan returned to hell with Vanessa, his apparent lover.

When Chimera heard of their plan, she offered to send her spirit back down there to “kill” Satan, and hopefully end what could become a very brutal assassination plot. The energy Satan was to give up was going to be stored in the Elder Stone, a ruby the size of a horse, to be used later by the Five to make themselves more powerful than the other white demons.

At midnight, Chimera once again faced the Gates of Hell, armed only with Little Chimera’s sword. This time there would not be peace. He would take what he wanted, leave nothing to waste. He could see demons on the other side of the gate, waiting for him to enter so they could escape. He would have to subdue them before entering. Quickly he tied them to the gate itself, then quietly crept in. trying to go unnoticed. It was useless. Word had gotten out about an assassination attempt on satan, and his followers were eager to see who dared try kill the god himself. Jests were thrown once again, and a few lesser demons even tried getting in his way. A swipe of the massive blade cleft them cleanly in twain and he continued on his way towards the center of hell. There he found the doors had been left broken, one lying pitifully on the ground and the other hanging loosely by one last hinge. All the lesser demons had long fled from the area, but in their place stood at least fifty of the most powerful white demons, heavily armed and ready to fight. He stopped, looked at them for a minute, then picked out his torturers from his jail time before. Yelling to them he screamed his challenge of death. In an instant they all dropped their weapons and felt too the floor, except those who had tortured him. Walking calmly up to the seven demons, he drained their power from them and left them as blue demons.

Pushing the cast iron doors of Satan’s study open, he found The Five, fully armed as well, protecting Satan and ruby. This was not the plan. Almost immediately after entering the room, one of the Five leapt up and attacked him, viciously throwing blows faster than anything he had had to black before. Chimera was hit twice before managing to subdue the attacker. Immediately another one jumped up. But Chimera was ready. With one swift movement of Little Chimera’s sword, one of the five fell. He warned the others to scatter and they obliged. Realizing Satan had not done as asked, Chimera kept his blade out and pointed at him. Satan told him that if Chimera thought that he was gonna give up that easily, he would have been gone a long time ago. White demons might rule the small stuff down here but I still make the rules. You’re dead Chimera.

A fight ensued. Satan and Chimera’s blows shook the entire room. The ruby wobbled on its stand, eventually knocking over, breaking, and releasing the souls of a thousand doomed out into hell. Screams could be heard from nearby houses as the fight intensified. Chimera tripped on a book, Giving Satan his chance. Swinging high, he brought the blade down on Chimera’s shoulder. Chimera’s eyes went black and it was over. Rising from his kneeling position, Chimera took Little Chimera’s sword and, with blood pouring out of his gaping wounds, his arm nearly lopped off, swung down on Satan’s head with no resistance from the awestruck god. Satan’s lover, struck grieving for the loss, attacked chimera as well, but it was a hopeless effort. She two was taken in an instant.

He then found the Five, who were then four, spread Satan’s power equally among them, telling them to rule fairly and justly as a council. His last act before leaving hell was to get a piece of the ruby, now shattered into all sorts of colors and shapes, to bring back to his lover, Little Chimera.


The spirit world is a funny thing. Our lives are but playthings to them, vacations from their lives as angels and demons. What seems like a moment to us extends weeks and days for them. They are another breed, like us in our habits and customs, but on a totally different scale when it comes to power. Only a few humans are able to sense a spirits presence, even fewer are able to speak and talk to them, but only a handful can control the raw power of an angry demon.

One must note here that CHIMERA referred to as a “he” means that the story is talking about CHIMERA’s spirit. CHIMERA referred to as a “she” refers to CHIMERA’S body. The opposite is true of LITTLE CHIMERA

Answer #5

There simply isn’t enough time in the day to read all that.

Can you perhaps summarize it?

Not too many people will read such a long post.

Answer #6

That is absolutely beautiful you are so deep with your words, so emotional and imagenative. You should really try and persue this. You have a talent.

More Like This
Ask an advisor one-on-one!

A Wedding Story

Wedding Photographer, Wedding Photography, Professional Photography


Your Own Writing Coach

Writing Services, Coaching Services, Creative Writing



Literature, Online Publishing, Community



Books, Education, Personal Development


Star Book Writing

Book Writing Services, Book Publishing Services, Ghostwriting Services