What do you think about this intro to my speech? Is it good?

This is good, it has a very good thesis statement. It makes me want to hear you or read your whole speech.

It is very good, but let’s try this.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock. Every two minutes someone in the United States is raped. That’s thirty people a day, and ten thousand nine hundred and fifty people a year! What if that was somebody in your family, imagine how devestating that would be. When someone gets raped it can take years for them to recover, if they can ever do so.

I think that sounds more professional, and will grab the attention more, without going off subject some.

Good Job though. keep up the good work.

I think you’ve got a great start. I would, however, love to give you some quick suggestions.

*Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Every two minutes someone in the United States gets raped. That’s seven hundred and twenty people a day, and close to eleven thousand per year. It can happen to any person, too. What if it happened your mother, father, sister, brother, friend or someone else you cared about? What if it happened to you?

The effects of rape are devastating. When a person gets raped it can take years for them to recover, if they ever do. [Insert rest of speech.]*

Edit one: My first edit is changing “Us” to “United States.” I think that stating your country clearly is better.

Edit two: My second edit is geared towards the numbers. Specifics are good, but when I hear speeches, I know that huge number sums usually don’t keep me interested and I can’t really leave the speech remembering them. So, in this case I rounded the number off to the nearest thousand (eleven thousand).

Edit three: My third edit is just to include the fact that it can happen to any person.

Edit four: I rephrased the sentence about it happening to family.

Edit five: I added in the sentence to include those listening to your speech. I always find that by involving people in the thought process, that they stay interested in it more and that it sometimes has a bigger impact on them.

Edit six: I started a new line with the last sentence and added a sentence stating that rape is devastating. I believe that leaving the people with the questions in the introduction is good. Explaining more deeply works better in the body of the speech.

Whether or not you take these suggestions is up to you. I do wish you the best of luck with this, though.

Take care.

It’s good but the math is all wrong if it is two minutes and I think before asked how to start it and said it was for thingy that was important so do research on numbers and figure out the math

I like it, sounds good. Make sure you don’t put false information though, and make sure the math is right as said above. Also, I’d add a little bit more punctuation where it’s needed, instead of running them all together in one word:

“Father sister brother nephew son grandmother aunt or uncle?”

I know that you probably will already do that since your just giving us an example, but if not make sure to do so, because punctuation matters A LOT to teachers. You’ll notice a higher grade just by adding the right things in the right places. Good luck on it, it sounds pretty interesting! :)

If you said someone is raped every two minutes it would be 30 people an hour not a day. Just correct the math and insted of Us try United States that sounds more proffesional.