What do you think about my story.. ?

I’m looking for some opinions on a book that I am writing. I’ve dedicated lots of time to it and before I continue I would like some input. This is only a portion of the story that I am sharing – a critical portion that is. It’s a rough draft so please don’t mind the errors as it has not yet been edited. Thanks!

I was behind an old Volvo station wagon. I tried to guess the year of the Volvo, but I had little knowledge about vehicles other than driving them. I could only perform the simple maintenance necessary to keep them alive. There were people who could name the make, model, and year of every car they seen. I only knew it was station wagon as it was plainly obvious by the label just below the trunk. Tossing the thought around in my mind, I guessed the aged vehicle to have been born sometime in the 1980‘s, probably around ten or so years older than my ‘95 Toyota Camry.

It was dark in the city streets. Only headlights and streetlamps to light the way. The streets were empty. We drove steadily across town complying with the 35mph speed limit despite the desolation. The Volvo signaled a left turn at the next stop light. The break lights lit up a bright red as we slowed down to a complete stop.

I continued straight leaving the city behind entering into more rural territory. The tall ancient buildings of our historic city vanished all at once at the end of town. Smaller houses followed and were slightly visible in my peripheral vision. They were almost as ancient to look at as the historic buildings before them due to the lack of care over many years.

I sped up just a little. I doubted anyone would notice or even mind really. Trees fell into place where the houses had lined the sides of the road just barely a few miles out of town. One stop light to go and I would be traveling a straight stretch the rest of the way. Of course the last light flashed yellow a few yards ahead of me.

I turned up the side mirrors to stop the headlights of the towering truck behind from blinding me. As I did, fear took over my body at what I saw as I reached to adjust the rearview. The truck was dangerously close. So close that I could see only the body of the person occupying it through my rearview. Horror filled my body and I began to shake vigorously. I maintained my stare to clarify what I was seeing.

The cab of the truck was lit up. There, sat a man in baggy camouflage colored pants, opening his dingy blue unbuttoned shirt to the sides of his body to expose his secret to me. He pointed to the gun snuggled in the front of his pants. I considered my options for only a moment after panic had almost taken over. I couldn’t see his face. The body in the truck was pale, slightly hairy around his belly button, and slender yet muscular.

I decided to pretend that I hadn’t seen him at all in an effort to save my life. The light had already turned green by the time I looked up. I managed to regain speed as normal as possible. In the review mirror of my Camry, that I had not yet adjusted, it was obvious that he hadn’t strayed in the least. I could just make out the top of the steering wheel and the dashboard, although the cab light had been turned out.

It almost came as no surprise that I felt the jolt from the back that shifted me forward. It was like something from a nightmare. The truck was bumping me from behind and revving the engine signaling the next jolt. I struggled to keep my car on the road and out of the ditch. The speedometer flew up to 60mph.

Tears swelled up in my eyes as I realized there was no one to help me and that he was signing my death certificate. As I passed the electric factory, I made a split-second decision to do a you turn. I knew this road well and my opportunity came up only a quarter mile ahead on the left.

I tapped the brakes only once trying not to give away what I was about to do. The tires squealed as I felt the car come up on two instead of four and I mashed the gas peddle after straightening out. I pulled it off like a pro, but he wasted no time keeping up with me. Only five seconds could have passed before he was back on my bumper again. The tears were now overflowing. My maneuver hadn’t worked and his truck roared louder than before.

This time he rammed the back of my car. It slid to the far right side of the road. I swerved hard to miss the a yield sign then hard again to get back on the road. I screamed as my Camry flew over the ditch and headed down the hill into the trees.

When I became conscious I was facing the wrong direction and could see he was already making his way down the hill. My once flawless car was wrapped around a tree. The passenger door had caved into the middle of the car inches from me. The airbags were both deflated as a second attempt to save my life. It wouldn’t matter now. I wished the accident would have taken my life as I watched him draw closer.

I couldn’t fight him. I had no strength. Warm blood trickled down my face and my body was limp. He grabbed my arm and yanked me to the ground. I smelt smoke and gasoline with my face in the grass. Let the car blow up I thought to myself. I didn’t want him to win without a fight but I had nothing left to fight with while the weakness grew stronger.

He drug me up the hill by my arms and shoved my lifeless body in the extended cab. There were no seats in the back. Everything became a blur momentarily just before he wrapped a cloth around my eyes. He tore open the corners of my mouth with another tightly bound cloth and tied my wrists together behind me. I heard the explosion in the distance as he sped away in the truck and I fell into unconsciousness.

Answer #1

how about uploading this story to wattpad.com? I mean its a great site! people read your story and comment and vote for it! its great to see what people think about your writing! you can also get fans! so yeah…I would recommend you to actually sign in to this web and see what people have to say about it, and they are all kind!!!

Answer #2

As I stated before - this is a rough draft and it does have errors. I have not made ANY revisions or done any editing… just wanted to know about the story itself. As a writer, I feel it’s best to get the story out of me then go back and make corrections and improvements as necessary. Thank you for responding. I appreciate the honesty greatly. =)

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