Well my uncle died last year on july 17, 2007

My uncle died last year, and my dad is flying in to connecticut.. (my hometown..) To be with all his loved ones to be with them on his death day.. And to support his wife and everything. He was 31 when he died and he got shot in a drive by :( My dad keeps asking me to come with him to connecticut to be with my family and suport them, but this might sound confusing.. I want to go but I dont. I want to support my aunt jessica And my cousins and everyone.. But I am soo depressed about his death all I do is cry. And I just wont be happy if I go. Do you think I should?

Answer #1

Actually, I think that ‘imthebestthatever??? Is being very judgemental.
You are obviously still grieving.

Grieving is, annoyingly, a process. In addition, I understand you don’t want to go, but going might help you come to term with it more.

The fact that he was so young, and he has left a wife and children behind must be so hard. You must be like “what do I say to them” “how do I act” and that’s the very sad thing about when people die, people rarely know how to deal with it…

The truth is, there’s nothing you can say that will make anyone better, or get over his death, nothing at all. And there’s little you can do, people always feel that they should be doing something.

If you go, which I recommend, then give your aunt a hug and just say, “I miss him too” that showing that you miss him, but you recognise that she must be feeling the same.

and, as for the kids, kids are quite resilient, it’s not until they get a bit older that they realise what they’ve lost, if they are older and the are obviously grieving (as I think you always do to a certain degree) just let them guide you. If they’re dealing with their grief with anger, just tell them your ‘sorry, and you know that they miss him’. Children can be quite possessive over grief, at any age, it’s almost as if no one is allowed to love their parent more than they do, so just re-iterate, that you miss him, but it must be so hard for them.

Also, your dad, poor dad, he’s lost his brother. He probably feels like he has to, in some way, help support his nephews or nieces now, since he is the next of kin man…

say to your dad, that you were doubtful about going because you didn’t know how to cope with it. Emphasise very quickly however, that your trying to learn how to cope, and how he holds it together when he’s sad. he may get a bit emotional / angry, because he’s not necessarily coping with it and has to appear to ‘have it together’ - just let him know, that, you want to go, and does he know if there’s anything you can do to make the whole situation a little easier for him or the family… he’ll more than likely say no, but that offer will go a very very long way, trust me…

I am so sorry for your loss, read up on grieving; it is a process, not always in the same order, but always the same. And remember, grieving can take 1 week, or it can take all your life…it’s just about learning to live with it, which you can.

good luck, just remember, you are feeling grief too, and you are entitled to, but sometimes we need to put our own feelings aside, to help others, just for a little while. At the end of it on your way home, then blub like a baby…like a little release valve… x x my deepest wishes to his family…tragic…

Answer #2

whats pros and cons?! lol

Answer #3

yea I agree…I think you shood go becus if you dont you mite regret it and if your like me itll in a way haunt you nowing you didnt go cus you were scared to your uncles funeral. your just gona have 2 b strong!!!

Answer #4

So if Thats The Way You Feel Then Imagine The Way That His Wife and Kids Feel.I Think That Its Selfish For You Not To Be With Your Family In a Time Of Need And I Think That You Should Be a part Of The Celebration Of His Life.

Answer #5

how about making a list of pros and cons

Answer #6

thank you(: that helped a lot :D

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