Why does his sudden confidence make me less confident in my appearance than before?

Before, we were both quite unconfident in our appearances but recently, my boyfriend has been feeling much more confident about himself which is a really good thing, but somehow his confidence has left me feeling even worst about myself. It has gotten to the point I feel horribly fat, really ugly and end up crying. I feel ugly next to him, I feel I don’t match him at all. I don’t want to bother him about it anymore because he hates when I try talking to him about it.

Answer #1

‘I feel like I don’t match him at all’ – I think that this is the main issue that causes you to feel worse about yourself. When you both felt a little down about yourself, you felt like you were both equals. His rise in self confidence seems to have unbalanced that, leaving you to feel like you’re less desirable than him. When you already feel down about yourself, this new found sadness about your appearance just adds on to what was already there (or, at least in my opinion).

If I may ask you, what are some qualities you have that make you feel unique or special in a good way? If you’re not sure, take some time to think about it daily. Give yourself daily affirmations and try to work on how you feel about yourself. In the long run, focusing on your positive qualities (things you do well, talents, the way your hair looks in the morning after it’s just been done, etc) can help you to raise your self thoughts. If possible, also try pampering yourself every now and then. When we feel good in general, things are a lot more peaceful and positive.

Answer #2

Sometimes positive comments or actions make us feel worse about ourselves. A scientific study showed that when a group of 35 clinically depressed people said a series of compliments about themselves, to themselves in the mirror (I am a good person. I can be happy. I am beautiful.), they ended up more depressed than before. This is because when you don’t believe the statements they only reinforce your true, negative statements. Seeing your boyfriend’s confidence rise, you compare it to yourself and think you aren’t as successful, which lowers your confidence. It’s a vicious cycle as the lower your confidence goes the easier it will be to become self-conscious (etc.). Your boyfriend isn’t being very supportive in his not wanting to talk about it.

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