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How does my story plot sound to you? Critiques welcome:)

Okay so I’m only 13, but I’ve always loved writing, and yesterday I can up with what I think MAY be a good plot? If you could take the time to read it I would be so grateful:)

Okay, so it’s about a girl named Faye, whose father is a the King and her mother is the queen. Her father has gone to war to fight these terrible creatures called Murmurs. Murmurs look human but they have no ‘heart’, they have no ability to love, and their one goal in life is to cause as much pain and despair as they can. If anyone get’s in their way, they torture and kill the people, but leave one of their loved ones behind so that they’ll suffer. One night after the king thought to war was over, the Murmurs snuck in and killed Faye’s parents. She had to flea because they were after her (they captured her younger sister). She was found in the woods by a boy named Benjamin. Benjamin asked if Faye would like to stay at his house for the night, since it was really cold. She accepted and met Benjamin’s nice mother, father, and brother. But then the Murmurs found her again and killed Benjamin’s family, and they both had to flea. Benjamin and Faye run away and eventually fall in love. The rest of the book is about them coming up with a way to kill the Murmurs, though unfortunately I haven’t come up with that part yet.

Does it sound good? Any critiques? Thanks so much guys!

Additional Details: I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you like the most important thing about the Murmurs! Okay, well I’m not sure if this is going to sound really dumb or not, but I was thinking, they could like murmur I guess to a person and it could like make them relive their worst memories and cause them a lot of pain?? Or do you think that sounds too much like Dementors (I’m a HUGE HP nerd!)? I don’t know I’ll have to think about that one, but it definitely has something to do with their murmuring , lol:)

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Answer #1

This sounds really cool I think it could really turn into something, the one bad thing I have to say is that I don’t think you should make them fall in love, so many people write love stories, you should try to make it unique. I like the part bout them making you recall all your bad memories, but I also wouldn’t over use that to much because that won’t make it as interesting, in my opinion you should use it like a maximum of 5 times depending how long the book is and each time you should make it really detailed like they almost go into a daze. I’m fifteen and hope to become a writer one day I’m about to finish and publish a book. If you need my opinions feel free to message me I try to get on here sometimes.

Answer #2

Wow, thank you so much!

Answer #3
  1. you write very well … for any age. Only one nit (pun intended!!) flea = flee.
  2. I like the story line.
  3. The murmur thing doesn’t sound dumb at all. Suggestion: what do you think about the murmur being a telepathic thing rather than a sound thing? — but maybe that wouldn’t be a murmur :)))
  4. Good luck!! PS. I’m a great editor if you ever feel you need one.
Answer #4

Oh woops, I wouldn’t have noticed that-thanks! And thanks so much for your advice! It’ll be awhile before I’ll need an editor, but I’ll contact you when I do!

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