What if a son catches a cheating mother?

I was in the same situation you were in. I would see my mom texting and I would ask her who she was talking to and she would get deffensive. I know exactly how you are feeling unlike 99.99% of the people on here. You probably think about it all the time, and then after many hours you try to rationalize with yourself that they could just be kidding, or good friends, or at least thats what I did. I actually fond her myspace password scribbled on a piece of paper and believed me I am obssed with reading here messages. And people who are going to go off the handle and say “Thats here privacy, blah blah blah, think about if this were to happen to you with your mom. After about 3 mnths of spying, (my dad was in Iraq)I actually walkied outside in 4:30 am and caught her in the act of what she says is a “one night stand”. I hope this never happens to you for this is an extremely tramatic experience!!! I hope this helps you to see that there are other people out there who are in the same boat you are in. P.S. If I were you TALK TO HER!!! I did to my mom and it helped, I have decided not to tell my father for I dont what to punish my younger siblings for my mom’s stupid mistake.

Main question: Will anything positive be gained by me revealing this information to my step-dad ? - no doubt, the answer, No - Having said that it’s heading down the road to family disaster - so if she still loves your step-dad and wants to keep your family unit intact - she MUST stop - talk with her…I wish you all the very best !!

If you want to deal with this effectively your going to have be real mature about it and stop snooping around your Mom’s private life. How would you like her trying to break into your email accounts and reading your personal stuff?

The fact that you assume the worst IS being naive. You have absolutely no idea what those messages mean therefore you shouldn’t jump to conclusions that are upsetting you and could be terribly damaging to your relationship with your mother and to the lovely relationship between your mother and step-father.

It sounds like you are reacting to the fact that you see your Mom less since she’s started the new business. This may be the real question at hand and maybe you need to spend some extra time with her to feel closer to her. I think you should start by addressing this issue with her. One thing is for sure, starting a new business takes a lot of energy, time and organization so there is nothing unusual about her being out and about a lot of the time.

If you really love your Mom and value the great relationship you have with her then you have to learn to trust her and respect her privacy. If you continue feeling awkward about her new life and friendships, then you should treat her with respect and tell her how you feel and ask her to talk about it with you. Accusing her randomly without any true reason will only upset the both of you and possibly damage the trust you have both worked hard to gain.

just as an update…I found worse news today. she met with him at dinner last night and sent a message to her friend stating, “for the sake of my husband don’t mention my friend.” On top of that he invited her to las vegas this weekend. there was also a message in the outbox saying, “please call me, I need to close my eyes and hear your voice.” not so naive now is it? If she goes to las vegas I’m telling my stepdad but if she doesn’t I don’t know who to consult first, stepdad or mom?

thanks everyone so far…I needed people to hear me out because I didn’t want to tell anyone anything. to be perfectly honest though its hard for people who don’t know me to understand the situation. the bond I have with my mom is something similar to best friends, we talk about personal life so its not abnormal. she’s told me about lots of stuff she doesn’t even tell my stepdad…thats what makes it so hurtful, the fact that I have a relationship with my mom better, in my mind, than anyone in the world, what do I do? I’m 17 years old and I’m not naive. I’ve helped my best friend through catching his girlfriend of 2 years cheating on him, and I know signs and I know not to be naive about signs. its never 100% innocent…I have an idea as to what category the texts fall into and the category is something that married faithful mothers shouldn’t fall into. as far as not deleting the messages. she does delete her messages and she does it often. in fact there were large peices of the converstaion in her inbox deleted that she responded to but deleted what he had said. basically it comes down to shady business involving a guy that no one in my family knows about and to me, thats unfaithful–whether cheating or not…talking with her about this I feel is the most hazardous thing I could possibly do. I called my brother in college and explained it to him and he said keep tabs on it. I know spying is wrong but if your a faithful wife, you have nothing to hide. until I find concrete evidence of an affair with this guy, I’m not going to say a word but its hard to cope with right now

again thanks to everyone who responded, I appreciate the time you took to offer advice on my situation. I’m sorry if I sounded snotty and rude just now but I’m extremely upset right now.

Please do not worry about it. You are too young to think about this stuff. Let it go and your mom will figure out what is best. Keep loving your mom and step-dad no matter what happens. It could just be a fling that she’ll get over, or just some male friend. Do not let this interupt your life as a teenager. Good Luck

No problem spazaz8, you weren’t rude or snooty - you did fine with this emotional/heart wrenching issue - you’re right, don’t do anything without proof - I wish you the very best !!

Dear spazaz8, do not go to your step dad with this information. This is as far as you need to go with this. It is not your business and now it is time to tell your mother you are aware she is seeing another man and that you perhaps she isn’t being fair starting a relationship until she settle the one she is in…walk away refuse to discus it further. You are not their mediator, friend, counsellor and you will make things worse. That’s not what you want is it? To handle this the wrong way and make it worse? Let the adults deal with this one. Sue…good luck

Dear spazaz8, Well a woman who doesn’t want to get caught doesn’t leave text messages on her phone. This type of behaviour it typical of someone wanted to get caught so the whole thing can be brought to light. She may be feeling overwhelming guilt and being secretive is hard work and she may be tired of it all. You are not the person to listen to her problems or to discuss her personal life. So saying that, how do you let her know that you saw the messages? You find a private spot for you and your mother to speak, you tell her that you are concerned for her and you feel that she may be seeing someone outside the marriage and you do not wish to discus it but she could go to a counsellor to help. Tell her you love her and you don’t want to see anyone hurt. Leave it at that do not discus it with her. Sue…good luck