What if I'm falling in love with a married woman?

Hi I think I am falling in love with a married woman at my work place.I have known her for three years but we started talking and getting close in the past three months. She is not happy about her marriage and regrets getting married at an early age. She is six years older than me and she seems to get me like no other younger girl has.I am a different person when I am around her and she really brings the best in me. I am myself when I am around her.I dont know whether to tell her how I feel. I am now finding it hard to be around her because her smell, touch and everything about her makes me want to grab her and kiss her.I dont know whether to tell her.

Answer #1


Answer #2

I am in the same boat…I took it to far…asked her out and started seeing each other everyday. Went to australia for vacation…she told her hubby that she is going to meet friends…he is always busy. Came back after 2 weeks and it was hard to say goodbye!! Cried everyday for her..Finally moved out to a different city with a new company. We meet once a month but I am single and she is married. dont know what to do! I cannot get out of it…love her too much.

Answer #3

its been my experience since aug’07 to yet. its horrible. both of us cant be separable but cant live together. its so painful, one should refrain from getting into an extra-marital relationship always. its so painful, so unbearable.

Answer #4

tell her that she should go for a guy that she likes or gets along with or tell her u like her.

Answer #5

Devistated, I am so sorry to hear what happened to you…myself, I have fallen in love wit ha woman I work with in another state…add the long distance, and all that is wrong with this relationship…I know it is destined for disaster. She broke it off this summer,..but when I had to return for business…she came right back to me…

Answer #6

Somehow tell her, but do not want to destroy her family life. You have to accept that you may be only a fifth wheel in this scenario.

Answer #7

i’m in the same boat, dude. it sucks.

Answer #8

Well, first of all, if I was with a married woman at work, and things worked out grand, I doubt I’d be googling it and on this forum, so you know you get a biased view.

Having said that, my experience has been awful. I was seriously considering leaving my marriage for 2 years, and had come to the conclusion that if I could convince myself the kids would be fine, I would do it. I was almost over the edge, when I met a girl at work who I was extremely attracted to. She, without prompting, said that she was selling her house as her marriage was over after 16 years, and they were going to separate. She had kids similar age to mine, and I questioned her about that, but she said her counselors and everyone told her that kids will do fine.

We went for coffee etc., she was everything I wanted in a woman, and as far as compatibility goes, we hit it off incredibly. I told her I needed to take a break, to sort out my marriage (we hadn’t had sex yet), and I did. I realized my marriage wasn’t fixable, and left my wife before getting anymore involved with this lady. In truth, I thought I was catching up to her, as she was the one who told me first that she was leaving her husband.

After months of text messaging, e-mails, and stolen moments here and there, and great sex, and talk of love, dreams, futures etc., her husband intercepted a text message. He called me on the phone, and asked how long she had been seeing me for. I answered “since she told me you were selling your house and ending your marriage”…apparently, this was the first time he’d heard of this.

She is still with him, I’m living in an apartment, where I only get to see my kids 50% of the time, and they are adjusting well. I still love her, even though she has f* me over. I still have some hope that she will leave her husband, although it’s extremely faint.

Now, I did go on one of these chat things many, many, months ago, but figured “that won’t happen to us”. I was wrong. My advice — don’t do it, and actions speak louder than words.

Answer #9

I’m in the same boat as well. Sort happened accidentally with a long time friend (20+ years). Painful, but hard to walk away from. Things take totally unexpected turns sometimes. I have no answers, we’re friends so what do you do? end the friendship as well. I don’t think so. This is a mix of joy and extreme sadness. Oh well. I don’t advise it to others.

Answer #10

im dealing with the same thing, except we hooked up and now shes so confused she has a kid and dosent want her kid to grow up without her real dad shes not fully happy in her relationship and I dont want her to leave yet I cant get her to leave my ehad

Answer #11

Try not to get involved as it is not a pleasant experience especially when one of you is married. I am also in the same boat. Fell in love with my best friend. His wife is also a very good friend and our kids socialise together. At present we have both dissolved our marriages. we are both living at home still. Every one is suspicious of us. We are holding off doing anything about it until after christmas. When is a good time? Never I suppose. Then he is going to move into an apartment on his own. Then a few months later I will follow. But I know that no matter when I follow should it be one day, one month or one year everyone is still going to point the finger. We are madly in love and cant spend a minute apart. which we are having to do . Although because we mix in the same circles we can spend a bit more time together (with everyone watching us suspiciously). We talk for 2 hours a day on the phone and text all day. Its just heartbreaking watching his wife and my husband going to pieces over our marriages when all we can think of is being together. I dont regret what has happened as we are so close and we both have lived in loveless marriages for years. We are best friends lovers and soulmates. Why cant people be happy for us. But that will never happen. But to be honest I knew what I was getting into and let it happen because it just felt right. My motto is “you only live once” and I am going to live it my way. My new fella has been married 28 years and me 24. So this is a big thing to us doing what we are doing. Its not on a whim

Answer #12

OK, I can relate [more than you know]. I met someone at work also. The thing is, I’m her manager and everyone [four people came to me] knows I’m attracted to her. It’s emabarrassing because I’m not one to wear my heart on my sleave. She smiles at me and I’m in Junior High School again, I smell her and my stomach spins, she bats her eyes at me [in itself is corney] and my heart starts pounding… I know, we talked, she’s unhappy, all I keep saying is “if you need someone to talk to, you call me anytime” … she hasn’t called. Not once. What really sucks is; I was married for 14 years in, what I thought was, a happy, solid relationship. One day, my wife said she was going to her mother’s house. I asked when she was coming back and her answer was she wasn’t. My life turned upside-down, left broken hearted, drained, confused, I had to go [for the first time in my life] to counseling. Now this wasn’t the ol’ “lye on thecouch with a box of tissues” counseling this was a qualified team consisting of a husband and wife that came highly regarded [and highly priced]. My third session in, they both were smirking at me. When I asked what was so funny, they explained that I was textbook case of a man in love with the idea of being married. I was in love with the concept of a successful marriage. In fact, anyone could’ve played the role of wife. Anyone. There was nothing special about my wife, not her smell, her smile, her laugh, nothing. Epiphany. Since then, my ex remarried [her old boss. I wonder lately what steps he took since I suspect this is just what he went through] and I’ve bounced around from woman to woman searching for that special feeling… 6 years later I finally found it. Epiphany again. Here’s the scrub: I have custody of my youngest daughter [now 16] and the woman I love has no children. In allot of ways she’s the perfect compliment to me [sans the whole married thing]. Now, at 46, I have to sit and wait. You’re not alone hear, pal. Pray for me, I’ll pray for you. GOD wants us all to be happy and in love. The trick is not to commit adultery [been there not proud] and have a degree of pride, dignity and morality.

Answer #13

Don’t do it. I am on the other side (the woman) married who fell in love at the workplace with a married man. We had a 2 month affair and we (I thought) were totally in love with each other .. everything was great (never felt that way before). He was going to leave his wife (he mad me believe) and I was ready to leave my marriage. It seemed everything was so great and all I wanted to do was be with him .. I didn’t care about anything else. We spent everyday together and when we were not together we were on the phone for hours at a time. Well things blew up and our spouses found out and I was served with divorce papers. As soon as he found out about the papers, he dumped me so quick (something he promised me he would never do) ! Now I see him at work everyday and he won’t even look at me or talk to me. It’s been a couple of months now, and it is so hard to get over him. Coming from someone who has been through it .. don’t do it! It is so hard. Not only did I screw up my life, I screwed up my family’s life too. My husband is having a tough time getting over it and I feel horrible for what I did.

Answer #14

I can relate as well. I met a woman at a business conference and we hooked up that night. But it was more than that we hung out all week and both really, really liked each other. She is married, so am I. We text all day long and have met up once and are meeting up again soon. We can’t get enough of each other. I have never met anyone I vibed with so much before. I think I am totally screwed because I know this can only end badly. However the feelings I am feeling, and from what I am told, she feels the same way, are almost impossible to walk away from. Very confused and not sure what to do…

Answer #15

It doesnt matter that she is unhappily married. SHES STILL MARRIED! You will only be something extra on the side. Most married couples who have relationships outside of their marriage rarely ever leave their spouses! Divorce costs money, where an affair costs nothing. If she is unhappy in her marriage, she should seek counseling, not add a new problem to it. You will only end up getting hurt. Keep your feelings to yourself, and dont act on them. You will be causing more harm. Find yourself someone who doesnt have baggage!!!

Answer #16

All these stories! I too have fallen in love with a married woman (at work after over a year). She was cool, then all of a sudden she got very friendly. This has made it worse despite my joy at talking to her. I can’t stop looking at her and gush all over her. I have fantasies that she will leave her husband for me, but doubt this will happen. And I wouldn’t want her to go through the pain of a divorce (she has a child). But it is rough, I think she’s wonderful. But she made the choice to marry her husband and to stay with him. I feel sad that we can’t be together. But best to stay distant and not torture ourselves.

Answer #17

Workplace romance is unwise under almost all conditions. In that she is already married only makes it even worse. I have had the struggle of lusting after woman at work as well. They are up early and dressed and clean and smell good. But I always remindmiself of a part of a song. “not for my pleasure she was created” Just thank God for her being atractive and envy the man who has the right to that pleasure. By having an affair she will only make things worse for everyone concerned. Trust me people at work are already making up stories about you. Brake it off and soon. Good Luck Gino

Answer #18

ok, so how do I read this one?:

met a great woman at work, she always smiles and flirts with me. we go for lunch a few times a week, laugh, and have a good time. I think I’m falling in love with her.

she’s married, 2 years., no kids. I’m married, 22 years., 2 kids.

she says things like “you’re so much fun to be with”, “my husband would never know if I cheated on him”.

is she playing me, or is she interested? I’m seriously ready to leave my marriage and was even before we met. things have gone incredibly stale over the past year or 2. there’s just not much left of the relationship; she sleeps in the guest room every night; we haven’t had sex in over 3 years. she’s gained something like 60 lbs and I really can’t stand looking at her any more.

so I’m ready to leave; I’m not sure how to read this woman that I’ve met.


Answer #19

I finally got the nerve to tell a friend (married woman) at work that I’m falling for her (today!!!). Turns out the attraction is mutual but she is married and doesn’t want to let her feelings for me to get in the way of her not so perfect marriage. She made a commitment that she wants to honor. I knew all that going in so I set myself up for that rejection. It hurts when things don’t work out for me but I knowingly got myself into a hopeless situation (again). I am heartbroken. Thanks for all the advice but I see now that I am not good at relationships and need to be more practical about it. I know it’s wrong but I want to keep my friendship with her. We were at the mall today after work and all eyes were on us. She is the perfect wingman!!! I haven’t gotten that much attention from women in a long time.

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