Should I break up with my boyfriend?

I love this boy. At least I did. But forcing to choose between my parents and my boyfriend is wreaking emotional havoc on me. I’m frikin fed up of it tbh and I feel like giving up. My boyfriend doesnt understand my parents disapproval of our relationship one smidge and my parents cant fathom how a girl of 21 can be in ‘love’. Especially as their own marriage was practically arranged and is pretty much loveless…its like my mother is punishing me for something that she could never have with her own boyfriend.

Forget the disapproving glances and dissappointment in their ‘How was your day today?’, the shouting gets worse every time and the corporal punishment threats are prime examples of the role reversal between the supposed ‘juvenile’ and the ‘adult’. I sometimes feel that any conversation is not worth having. Its like they are making me work for their love. I thought that was a parental given to a child.

I know you probably are a little bit sceptical of my saintly nature. I guess I am to blame. I went to visit my friends from my last uni, and stayed with him. Its not a crime. He is my boyfriend. He got the floor. I got the bed. I know my limits. I am a medic and have been for 3 years. I think I know responsibility when it hits me. Its just that they cant hack the fact that he might just be a tad decent?!

I have breached their trust and its hard to regain. I know that. But sometimes I rebel against the unreasonable constraints they place upon me. I cant even date him. aka restaurant. busy place. no other people. me and boyfriend. I cant call him boyfriend. OH no! That would not be prim and proper darling. Hes a friend. Just an awesome friend. One who got me tickets to see a show in the west end for our anniversary but I dont think they’ll let me go.

Forget my parents tho. They are an issue. An issue I have to deal with. My boyfriend doesnt understand. Doesnt care. Is so nonchalant about it. It hurts. I wish he would wake up to the fact that I dumped him the first time for a reason, because I wanted to minimise the hurt to my parents and him and his lovely family. f. what a mess.

Unfortunately this learning curve has been a little too steep. I sometimes find myself contemplating a suicide. I used to when I was younger. I got hit repeatedly once when I did something trivial. God knows. Call my brother an idiot or something. I remember hiding under my bed at 13y and contemplating running away or suicide. I know that that is not worth it tho. Im no emo and if anything I hope im psychologically stronger…as a result.

They havent even met him. They dont want to. He’s not marriage material. Hes not worthy… He’s not ‘catholic’, just too ‘christian’. Because God really cares…God is love. Faith. Hope. And love and then greatest of these is love.

I’m also scared. Scared that I may hurt them and him and me. What a cocophony resultant of mistimed love…Its just getting too much…and I feel like crying constantly. I have enough on my plate with work. Dont get me wrong I love medicine. I just hate the drama behind the scenes…