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shorter version of what now

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easy me and my ex been together for 3 to 4 years on new years I got drunk. some girl went and tried to get his attention I saw her kiss him and she passed by me I cursed her out and something went blank and I allegedaly beat her up and she had to do 2 weeks of recovery 3 dayz in the hospital and he got mad at me and we yelled at eachother I think im over him thing is hes part of the family like really close he rents a room out with my aunt she owns a restaurant he helps out I cud easily tag along with my mom and go to lunch and go see him but then again no I believ im over him but I wanna see him to make sure I wanna see his reaction but then again no because what if when I see him all the feelings come back it took a long time for the pain to go away. now what?