How can I get my girlfriend to want to lose weight?

One answer: YOU CAN’T. When dating, date a girl SKINNIER than what you want. Because almost all women tend to get comfortable, and let themselves go. When that does come to pass, hopefully they’ll level out at some nice, curvy body shape. But not likely.

Then there’s also the women who eat when they’re happy, eat when they’re depressed, and absolutely REFUSE to do any sort of exercise that exerts any effort. If a woman is not that concerned about looking good for her man, then she needs to find a guy that a) is a chubby-chaser or b) is blind. And even then, he might find the rippling rolls repulsive.

Women: you can cast your meaningless value judgements here, but they won’t change human nature. Men are inherently superficial troglodytes. We’re voyeuristic by nature and we like to LOOK (and be pleased) at what we’re having sex with. If you don’t want some shallow guy, let yourself go when you’re already out playing the field. At least then, whoever you attract will love you for “you” and not your waist size. Otherwise, when you balloon out from a size three to a size sixteen, and you spend your days sitting around eating Easter candy and watching shows on TLC about “body types”, you won’t be wondering why your man doesn’t want to fool around as much (or at all) anymore.

I’m speaking from personal experience here. I had tried to be supportive, encourage the girlfriend to exercise with me, plan meals with fat/calories in mind, and reassure her that she was still beautiful. It just got worse, and her only solutions were to buy new outfits for her ever-enlarging frame and get fat-girl haircuts. This was a relationship of close to ten years, and the thought of being saddled with an unrepentant fatty for another fifty was too much to bear. No one can accuse me of not being patient or understanding.

Relationships are about give and take. Women might think that men’s obsession with slender women is silly and unrealistic. Guess what? We think your desire for romance, expensive jewelry, and someone to watch chick flicks with is downright retarded. But we provide these things when we feel you’re making sacrifices as well. We’re not too stupid to realize that with time and age you’ll never look like you’re twenty ever again. But when you’re not making any efforts to impress, we see this, and don’t be surprised when we kick your cellulitic butts to the curb for the “young, pretty, SKINNY girl”.

Don’t like what I’m saying here, ladies? Jab you right in the soft, cottage-cheese underbelly? Good. Tell it to Oprah. And when you see her, ask why Steadman never bought her a ring yet.

I agree with fattygirl. If you loved her than you would love her for her and not just her body type, maybe shes comfrotable as she is. I mean, im not the skinniest girl ever, love handles, all that mess, a bit of a stomchaand thighs but my fiancee loves me the way I am and doesnt want me to change the same, when me and him got together I weighed about 10pounds less, but he still loves me no matter what I wiehg or how I look.

‘’Kiss my fat average a$$’’

This is sad, but true. When did fat become average? But that is a mantra of overweight females today, “I’m a real woman!”, “Real women have curves!”, “This is what normal looks like!” I’m all for curves, but let’s be honest, fat isn’t normal. It’s a byproduct of our fast-food culture, a more-is-better mentality, and desire for instant gratification.

The other popular sentiment these days is that you can’t bring up the subject of weight around a woman. It’s taboo. If you even mention the subject it will cause poor self esteem in every woman within earshot and they’ll subject themselves to anorexia or bulimia, or they will become so depressed they’ll eat even more. You inconsiderate brute!

Really? That’s what we’ve come to? The only solutions are to (a) seek a dangerous, unhealthy quick fix or (b) give up entirely? What happened to the idea of searching for the root of the problem, finding an intelligent solution, and having the willpower to change for the better? Sure, it’s not an easy way out. Life isn’t about the easy way out.

Exercise is great but, in my experience, body composition is mostly determined by diet. But not “dieting”. A diet implies a temporary change to lose a few pounds. And then what? You return to your old ways and, inevitably, your old weight. You need to change your eating habits permanently. Learn moderation and practice it!

A common excuse is “some people are just genetically predisposed to be fat.” Yeah, but probably not you. This is a small percentage of the population. The overweight people I’ve known all overeat and have sedentary lifestyles. They snack all day on junk food. Unfortunately, they were often raised on this diet so they think it’s normal. Plus, they may be accustomed to eating the same portion as everybody else, but restaurants serve the same portion to a 6’5” man as they do to a 5’ woman, or a person with a high metabolism vs. someone with a slower metabolism. It’s up to the individual to determine what the proper portion is. If you’re healthy hormonally but you’re still overweight, you’re probably feeding your body more calories than it needs.

Sorry, maybe a rant like this doesn’t belong on a site called funadvice.com. But the fact of the matter is, if a friend started putting on an unhealthy amount of weight, I would be concerned and say something. If my girlfriend put on weight rapidly, you’d better believe I’d be concerned. A healthy relationship is rooted in a strong friendship plus sexual compatibility. Like it or not, excessive weight gain reduces sexual attraction for many men. And guess what? THAT is normal. That’s natural. Eating prepackaged junk food throughout the day and becoming obese? Not normal, not natural.

Honestly, I’m not sure how to let a woman know that her weight gain is a problem for you. But you shouldn’t feel obligated to accept it. Don’t buy into that. Perhaps try to develop healthier eating habits by cooking healthy meals for her. If that doesn’t work, you’ll eventually have to be direct and honest (but thoughtful and tactful) about how you feel. And if that doesn’t work, there’s a problem. (1) her weight gain may be an indirect way of expressing unhappiness or depression, (2) she doesn’t have the constitution to make positive but difficult changes in her life but you may still be able to help make this change over time, or (3) she doesn’t care enough about you, your sex life, or your relationship to consider how you view her as a sexual partner. Fortunately for you, (3) doesn’t sound like the case here. I wish you the best of luck.

you have to end it if you have a girlfriend that you are not attracted to. If you continue the relationship, you will be miserable. It’s simply not worth it to sacrifcie a good sex life. TRUST ME…If youy stay in the relationship, you will dwell on her appearance for the rest of your life and will always ask yourself “ why didn’t I just find a girl that attacts me?”

Every frustrated guy on this board looks at their overwieght girlfriend the same way.. we all love the girl but have no interest in having sex with them..it ruins your whole day knowing you wont have exciting sex with her..ALl you end up doing is looking at every girl walking down the street fantasizing about them.

This has turned into a support group more than advice, but I feel better if only for the funny sh@! some of you wrote. Many of you seem to have it worse than me, but the problem’s the same.

On one level I feel totally bamboozeled by the popular media’s depiction of what makes a woman attractive. But I think coca-cola tastes good too. Is it popular culture? Who cares. Skinny girls are just plane better than fat ones to most men out there today. The problem is our girl started out thin and then blew up. It’s BS to say it’s superficial for us to mind. That’s bait-and-switch my friends. There’s laws against that. Not in women of course, but I don’t see the difference. Now, we all go down hill and that’s a part of life, but lets be reasonable ladies. Men like beautiful women. All of you that said your man likes you anyway you are are a bit naive. I’m sure that’s true but they would prefer you hot. Come on. I like my Subaru just fine. If someone backed into it and it still ran and I couldn’t afford to fix it I’d still drive it. But, I wouldn’t like it as much. So, ladies, fix your dented chassis for us. PLEASE.

Men, sorry, but love her or leave her. Most won’t change. Most of any advice on the web won’t go far. Prepare yourselves now.

well first of all I am not going to judge you but I do think your kinda rude, if you actually loved your girlfriend you would love her for who she is not how she looks like but anyway I know where your coming from so I am going to help you. well firstly I think you should sit her down and talk to her about this, lie to her if you have to and say that you will be forced to leave her if she dosent shape up, say that you love her the first time you saw her and explain to her that all your guy friends have such trim and slim girlfriends that you often get embarresed to show her off and thats wrong. now I am a girl as well and I think once she hears that she will feel unconfortable and be forced to lose weight…there problem sorted :) xxcx

Tell her that you love her, you are not being shallow, but at the rate she is going you are going to have to be with a big big girl in a few years and you dont want that. Tell her that you are trying so hard and are also getting involved but if she isnt motivated enough to lose weight not souly for you, but for herself also becos it sounds like her health may be in jeapody in a few years if she keeps gaining weight, she could end up with costly medical bills for her condition.

I can see that your worried about her health but you said your only round at the weekends, do you not think thats part of the problem. Maybe she comfort eats during the week to make up for you not being there. Also she has to want to lose the weight, there is no point in you trying everything under the sun if she does not want to lose weight.

That sh!t is FRUSTRATING.

I’ve been with the same girl for six years. When we first got together she could’ve stood to lose a few pounds but it wasn’t a problem.

NOW she’s completely let herself go. Gross double chin, big gut, and sagging…parts. It’s REALLY frustrating because I want to be attracted to her, but at this point I’m just not. At all.

Not a chubby-chaser, never have been. Leaving her because she got fat seems like a dick move, but…I’m not attracted to her! What the hell am I supposed to do?!

She REFUSES to exercise. Simply won’t do it. Ever. I’ve mentioned the weight more than one (as sensitively as possible) in the past 6 years, to no avail. She’s “counting calories”, but even that’s just a half-a$$ gesture more than anything else.

Aside from the weight, she doesn’t even dress remotely nice anymore. She used to look good & present herself well. Now, she wears dumpy sweatpants everywhere…she kind of dresses like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

She cut her hair all short too. It used to be long, and (get this) with a natural gray streak. Very cool, very sexy. She hooks up with me, grows a double chin, cuts the hair off and dyes away the cool streak.

I like the girl, and everything else is fine, but I am, for lack of a better term, grossed out just looking at her right now. And regarding the “love her for her not her body type”-argument…well…me being grossed out at the sight of her isn’t really a conscious choice. It’s a physical response - I can’t help it.

What the hell to do? Give her more time to slim down? How much more time? This totally isn’t fair, because she used to look good. If she looked like this in the beginning I never would’ve hooked up with the woman. Friends, sure, but I wouldn’t have gotten any more involved then that.

As far as I can tell, you can either resign yourself to being with someone you’re not attracted to (at least physically), or bite the bullet and call it quits. If you decide to dump her, do it quick. The longer you stay with her the more difficult it’s going to be to rip off the proverbial band-aid, and the more miserable, pissed off and resentful you’re going to get. No easy answers.

EDIT: I just thought of a surefire way to get our chicks to slim down. If your luck is anything like mine, all you have to do is dump her. A few months after the dumping, you’ll run into her somewhere with her new boyfriend, and she will again look totally hot.

I’m a guy and I can 100% promise you that this is the answer. STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM!! Plain and simple but very effective. Tell him why of course. Its a basic lack of respect for anyone ( male or female ) to let themselves go and not try to keep themselves in check. Not everyone enjoys the gym or an active lifestyle but its got to be done for the health beneifits alone. Don’t get me wrong, everyone goes up around the likes of christmas for example and thats fine ( we’re not in the army) but just so long they remember that what goes up MUST GO DOWN or prepare yourself to be A)Dumped or B) Sad but inevitably true…Cheated on!!

My girlfriend has a fat stomach and is close to as tall as me, 5/10” and when she takes her shirt off I want to puke…Yes I love her and she works more than I do (very active) but why she have to be a fatty? she wasn’t with her X boyfriends. Anyways I had her going to the gym for about a month and she refused to go after plus ended up with a bill from the gym. Everyday she comes home with Candi bars or some kind off sugary snack. I try to make food or buy food at grocery store but she just argues and I give up. A few times I have told her shes overweight and don’t care about looking good for me. She just tells me I don’t love her and if I did it wouldn’t matter how she looked. Its like having sex with a giant water balloon. The belly flops around like a beached whale…why would a guy get turned on by that? ya, so a relationship isn’t all about sex, duh and I could go without for a long time but eventually going to want to get some action but with a bunch of bouncy sloshing around fat? I only weigh maybe 160-165 and not a very big muscular guy and she is way bigger than me. Also she tells her family that I call her fat, then they get on me about saying the same thing that looks don’t matter bla bla bla and throw their 2 cents in. Her sister gets on my case about it and her boyfriend but she is fatter than my girlfriend and her boyfriend is short weird hairy guy, I call him Hobbit or Bilbo, they both ugly creatures fat or not fat. Personally I think them two and my girlfriend just feel good being fat and making me look like a bad guy, I don’t know. I agree with”hunglikejesus” he should make a speech at high schools before kids graduate so they understand and have better chance of not dating someone who blows up to a form you never would have imagined. Sorry about the bad typing I’m tired and have to work shortly, so I’m in a hurry.

Almost every single answer here is the worst response I’ve ever heard for this issue. Listen:

1. Some people tend to indulge as part of a defense mechanism. Your buying her things is not the same thing as support – it just says “you’re getting fat.” Support is a product of love, not “hints” and this passive-aggressive behavior is just hurting her feelings. Why would she have any motivation when she knows her boyfriend doesn’t have faith in her?

2. If your girlfriend was 90 when you started dating, she still isn’t likely used to her quickly expanding frame. Translation: she will eat whatever the hell she wants and won’t exercise because she’s never HAD to until the last few years. An exercise regimen takes a long, long time to develop as you, someone who does work out, should know. And that’s not including dieting, which is a completely different, difficult lifestyle change altogether.

3. If she doesn’t want to take care of herself, she won’t. Your “suggestions” obviously have just made her feel badly about herself because they’re critical, not helpful. To boot, if you aren’t ever around, she’s going to take the opportunity to “sneak in” the junk food she loves and has cemented into her diet. People who diet and exercise do it as a product of feeling good. Take her out to healthy restaurants and introduce new food options to her. COMPLIMENT HER PROGRESS. Even if it’s only a pound. If you aren’t willing to do it in a way to make her feel good, you should end things and start dating someone more fit. It’s only fair to you both.

4. Sometimes women who stop taking care of themselves do it because they see their partner deteriorating in physical attractiveness too… just something to consider.

Although crudely stated, I think a lot of the opinions here reflect how men feel, and the dilemma we face in dealing with this: we get chided if we don’t pay frequent complements but we are forbidden from saying anything critical. My girlfriend of over a year has put on at least twenty pounds and is not very attractive to me once the clothes are off. I diplomatically raised the issue - afterall, she complains frequently she is “too heavy” and wants to get in shape - after we joined a gym together and she routinely started bagging out on the workouts. She told me the whole subject was “off limits” for discussion. What I am left with is much less intimacy and much more resentment, which doesn’t bode well. The fact is, men are visually and sexually driven and fairly superficial, and while we can get close and be intimate, we don’t like bait and switch, and we don’t like double standards. I love my girlfriend but I am struggling with this immensely.

In the end, yes, your girlfrind is overweight and needs to change that. For her own sake more than yours. But also realize that being 90 lbs and 5’ tall would classify her as underweight (I did look this up on a BMI calculator, it’s just into the underweight catagory). Since she is short, she’ll have a tendency to look a bit heavier than she really is at a healthy weight. This can be helped by building more muscle. Overall, she should probably look to be around 100 lbs. Also, she should look into why and how she gained the weight; a 50 lbs gain from 90 lbs is huge and not a normal “letting yourself go.” Was it caused by a medical condition? You also need to be supportive and understand that it will take her some time to lose the weight.

I am on the opposite side of this scenario. I am a petite female and when my now fiancé and I started dating he had a decent body. Not buff, but not fat. Granted, he’s a big dude (6’4”) but he’s put on 50 pounds over the past 4 years! I have not gained a single pound. I have tried everything! Bribery (lose 10 lbs, and I’ll do this…), nothing works! I love him and we’re getting married in 4 months, and our sex life is perfectly fine (for him), but I’d could definately use some assistance attraction wise and I think getting past the belly would help. So guys, any advice??

i think u need to take like 2 to 3 weeks off and go over to her house and help her . dont push her cuz if u do its just going to make her give up and im sure thats not wat u want. try to also have fun with her while ur doing it with her . try dancing it can really motvate her try the gym and things like that . and if she does a good job at the end of the week , u will take her out on a fancy restrant to treat her and she can order what she wants

This is the most soothing discussion I’ve read on the issue.

The angry women on this forum are right: we can’t make anyone do anything. That’s not how relationships work. But those are the means of desperation, not your standard fare in a relationship. No one normal is in a long-term relationship that depends on making the other person do things. However, the emotional and temporal investment of moths or years isn’t something anyone wants to give up on without a fight. When the abyss is looking back at you, all rules go out the window. When having sex feels more like a chore that keeps her happy than the beutiful and fun thing it was in the beginning, you start making things happen or loose that original investment.

Lady and gents, these are golden words: “Honestly, I’m not sure how to let a woman [or man] know that her [or his] weight gain is a problem for you. But you shouldn’t feel obligated to accept it. Don’t buy into that.”

Don’t buy into that. They know what you expect in bed. They pick up the hints. All the things that are preventing you from making this into an issue that can be discussed are just manipulations. You have a right to be unhappy, just as they do. They are making you put your own happiness on the back-burner for their own; probably all unconsciously and without meaning to do so. Maybe the reasons they are doing it are grounded in something cultural, biological, maybe what they do is ethically sound–I don’t know. But whatever the reasons are, if it is making you unhappy, you don’t have to accept it.

Rant over.

I’ve the same issue, and it just felt so good to say some of what I’ve wanted to say for so long.