I need help with my relationship.

Okay, so my girlfriend and I have been broken up for a week now. I know she wants to get back together with me and I want her back as well. But of course there is one problem. She is the type of girl that has more guy friends than girl friends. It completely drives me insane. No matter how much I beg, cry, and explain how much this bothers me she never changes. I haven’t hung out with a girl since I started dating her in 9th grade. I don’t text girls either. She calls me a hypocrite because I don’t want her doing these things to me. NO I’m not the kind of guy that forces her to not do things, but I was cheated on in my last relationship and its caused me to have some serious trust issues. She calls me immature, controlling, and doesn’t think I need to be worried. But when I see her guy friends hugging her and touching her it makes me want to explode. I can’take the amount of anger that comes to me. I would never do anything to harm her nor do I ever plan to. But shes inconsiderate of my feelings. I don’t get to see her a lot and she always holds that on me as well. I never see her in school and we’ve been together for 1.5 years. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve had to skip school because its affected me so bad. But still… she doesn’t care. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what else to do. I know I can’t force her to not hang out with her guy friends and thats not what I’m trying to do. She always thinks I do all these things with girls that I haven’t done. The other day, I seen a picture of her hanging out with some guy outside of school in her house. They were in her bedroom and she said he was just her friend named “Michael”. I honestly don’t know what else to do. I’ve been through hell and back trying to control myself because I’m apparently immature about it. Some people say when they’ve been cheated on it makes them stronger.. well I got cheated on and it destroyed me. I haven’t been the same person since. If it happens now I don’t know if I could handle it. I’ve seen to many high school relation ships fall because of their girlfriends cheating on them. She hangs out with guys out side of school and every time it starts a problem. You would think any good girlfriend would fight for him as much as he fights for her. But please help..I need some advice to follow. I’m just scared to death to get hurt like that again.

Answer #1

I hate to tell you this but sounds like she isn’t going to change and doesn’t seem lime she ever will. You shouldn’t bring baggage from a previous relationship either, just because one cheated doesn’t mean the next one will, you need to either get more confidence that everything between you to is fine or the relationship won’t last. Some people are people people, ya know what I mean, its part of who they are, my suggestion is to weigh out the pros and cons of the relationship and figure out what it really means and where is it going. Good luck to you, hope everything works out for the best

Answer #2

Honestly if you want to be with her you need to be able to trust her. Maybe she doesn’t want to stop hanging out with other guys because she wants you to trust her and feels if she let’s them go she won’t have any friends? You can’t expect her to give up all her friends. Maybe try talking to her about it in a different way about it. There should also be some give and take. What I mean is maybe let her hang out with other guys but you can meet them first and approve of them. This was a problem with my bf and I.. I was kinda the same way I was mad when he hated me hanging out with other guys cause I actually didn’t have any girl friends. I felt like why should I have to give up my friendships. Maybe try what I suggested I know it worked for us maybe it will work for you? Btw I do think her hanging out with them in her room isn’t okay and don’t worry or think that she will cheat cause she isn’t the last person you dated. I’m sure if you talk to her explain come to some agreement then she might change and if not then she probably isn’t worth it. Good luck!

Answer #3

See? - Didn’t I tell you before that it was going to end?

Dude, I feel like shaking you up and awakening you to the real light. You don’t even realize the sort of deluded self imposed hypnosis trance you are under.

You have what relationship experts commonly call ‘Oneitis’ - which is the disease of self hypnotizing yourself into believing that your partner is so ‘special’ and you SO ‘need’ her that the need materializes into reality. You then operate under ‘scarcity mentality’ which makes you project qualities onto the girl which don’t really exist and think unconsciously that she is your life and that you could never get a girl like her again - all severe, dumb bull.

Dude, I love people, okay? I will not give a piece of advice unless it’s really going to make a positive difference in the life of the person I am giving it to. Here’s what you’ll come back to tell me was the BEST advice anyone ever gave you, two years from now: “DON’T go back. Just let it go. The relationship is over.”

Things are destroyed beyond repair, dude. Can’t you really see or are you just lying to yourself because it’s too painful to accept the reality?

  1. You ARE controlling. Dude, what she does and how many guys she hugs - as ridiculous and immature as thinking about it is, you have ZERO control over it. I warned you before. If you try to control her, she’ll be further and further repelled. And it appears that she was.

  2. Inconsiderate why? - Dude, if some random hoak walks up to you and asks you to stop talking to your parents, will you do so? Her friends are important to her and she did not simply take out the time to filter genders along the way. It’s like you complaining about the clouds when they rain as of being ‘inconsiderate’ of your consent. That’s not inconsideration which she is doing, that’s called being loyal to her friends and striving to keep her friendships alive - and if you really can’t respect that, man - do you not see who the real problem is with?

  3. Other people and your past relationship as an excuse - Your mind is playing a trick on you. It’s using the last relationship and other people’s broken relationships which were destructed by some individual cheating as an EXCUSE and a RATIONALIZATION for all the stupid behaviors which you let to shine through you. It is just making excuses over and over again and trying to make rational sense of the irrational behaviors which you do.

  4. Normal - It’s normal for people to have friends of both genders even when they are dating. It’s not like hell or something where as soon as you start dating - you are supposed to cut out your social ties. You cutting out your female friends and then expecting her to cut out her male friends is so down the line of ABnormality that it isn’t even funny.

  5. “I Beg and cry” - That’s pretty much saying that you’ve denied your role as a man. I have told you before. Men are supposed to be strong. They are supposed to be emotionally stable and well grounded so their woman can depend on them, cry on their shoulders and look up to them for support. – If you can’t be a man, you don’t deserve sharing a romantic synergy with any woman. Period.

  6. “But…but…my last relationship….” - I don’t blame you, you are suffering from what I like to call “negative repetition anxiety” which is the state of expecting and negatively anticipating the happening again of something which formerly occured to your displeasure and your suffered a massive amount of resultant suffering — Well let me tell you, these are just false stuff of the mind which never actually materialize again. Period.

  7. “I’m just scared to death to get hurt like that again” - Man, suffering and pain have made me so much stronger and better that I can’t even begin to express. It’s a human impulse to avoid or run away from pain or negative emotions. But let me tell you something, if you run away from or suppress pain, it will come back to bite you sometime in the future. Instead, you much choose to accept the pain, suffer and then persevere through - no matter how much it hurts. Don’t underestimate this, it’s crucial.

Frankly bro, all I see is a serious case of oneitis, a cringingly intense scarcity mentality, weakness in strength of character and a relationship which is broken beyond any possibility of fixing.

If you get together with her again - all it will do is prolong and intensify the pain period even further and cause more destruction. Just DO NOT do it.

You didn’t believe me last time when I directly told you that it was going to end - believe me this time, don’t kid yourself, the relationship is broken beyond repair.

Let her go. Accept the fact that it’s over, mentally, emotionally. Allow yourself the time to heal. Allow yourself to feel the pain and persevere through. When you finally get past the healing period, start fresh. This time keeping in mind everything I have told you in the past and find a better person for yourself.

If you want personalized advice, FunMail me. I take specific time off from my schedule and reply every funmail with the best quality advice which I can give to whoever comes seeking advice from me. I have been deeply into mental and behavioral psychology along with ‘relationships’ and ‘emotional management’ for like 3 years now - so, you can trust me with everything I say. I know exactly what I advocate. — This is my purpose man, I am really serious about it.


Answer #4

ok listen i know what you are going through i am going through the same stuff but anyways there is nothing you can do to change it ok. my gf does it to me all the time ill ask who is that and she will say a friend and i start to worry. the thing is tell her how much you lover her you cant lose her and your afraid that she may cheat on you and say i feel this way because of what has happened in the past. i know this may be hard for you and trust me i know what it is like. it sucks you cant eat sleep or focus because of her. its not always some trance you think she is the one and she may just be. but ask her would she ever cheat on you? say how much do you really love me and would you want to spend the rest of your life with me. now as a warning you may uh end up not liking the result of the questions if they are not what you want to hear. dont get mad at her though and just go with it.

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