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An endless heaven is what I see
For moments of happiness this is the key
Holding the habit in the palm of my hand
Nobody is able to understand
Surrounded by serenity I close my eyes
Reality drifts away as fantasy starts to rise
I take a deep breath and listen intently
To the ruffled sounds all around me
My mind starts to set
The pain I soon forget
Bliss is all I know
High overtakes the low
Thoughts begin to dance
my senses start to enhance
I lost another breath
A game of sudden death
My vision is now blurry
I dont seem to worry
My hands now shake
did I make a mistake?
Movement changed to slow motion
My body is colder then the artic ocean
Did time just stop?
My crimson eyes now drop
My once tingling body is now numb
Silently staring is what I have become
Watching cracked moving lips
Downhill now I slip
My heart is now pounding
The feeling is astounding
Poisoned blood runs through my veins
However my existence still remains
The tangled voice of my friend
The words I cannot comprehend
Everything echoing in my head
Is it possible I am dead?
Falling in and out of delusion
All thats left is confusion
Panic and fear now invade
Will this feeling ever fade?
Reassuring myself every so often
That the intensity will soon sofen
Lightheaded now I lay down
In agonizing delight I will drown
(It has to be this long, how can I make it sound better and more intense? Do you understand the point of this poem?)
wow...honestly, it's breathe taking, I'm in total shock right now... I love how it draws me into it, like a familure place I don't know,the only I could to answer your question to make it more intense is you can probably describe certain feelings a bit more but I dont think you should change this one though... try it on your next one
F*CKIN GREAT JOB !!!
I think it is very good and intense . The point I got was doing drugs , only because that is how I use to feel before I got clean three years ago . Keep writing you have talent.
PEACE
I understand the point, you (or the main character) is suicidal/depressed and cutting themselves.
It's very...uhm...graphic? No, more like depressing.
It's nice.
You have a talent.
=]
it's so...wow! I love poetry and this is oneof the best I've ever heard. I understand completely. a poem about drug use, right? I love it. don't change it