How to get my girlfriends parents to stop hating me?

I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for seven months now. Since we began hanging out together, her folks had been aware of our feelings for each other and instantly hated me. I’m 18 and she’s 15, three years apart. I have talked with many people about age difference and most think that three years isn’t a big deal, but that number “18” making me ‘of age (in Australia)’ makes it look a lot worse. Anyways, her folks instantly hated me, paranoid that we were having sex constantly, but we weren’t. As time went on, they were slowly becoming alright with me, but still not making it easy for us to see each other. Not long after out six months together, we had sex for the first time. Unfortunately because her parents were still persistent in making things hard, they would never allow us to visit each other; leaving us with little times to see each other at all. It was this factor that is to blame in us resorting to doing it in a paddock (paddock is not what it really was, but it’s the only word to describe it, so it’s not exactly that). We had been going up there a lot at that time, just to spend time with each other in private. The day we had sex, the people across the road sprung us, and we ran away. The next morning, we returned up there, and were talking innocently; mean while, the people across the road had spotted us and rung up the school, which wasn’t far away. A teacher came down and brought my girlfriend back with them, and rang up her parents. Her mum came down and told me that she was going to charge me, but luckily she’s no longer doing that. Anyways, now because they KNOW that we’ve had sex, (and in there minds, god knows how many times we’d done it before we had gotten caught) they absolutely despise me. They try to hide my girlfriend from me when ever she comes into town, by just keeping her out of sight as much as possible. Her mother points out other boys, and makes comments on how they’d make such a better boyfriend. The other day I happened to see my girlfriend, but was then met by her mum, who told me to piss off. She then punished my girlfriend for just talking to me. She treats her like crap. She’s ashamed at the fact that my girlfriend and I did it, and refuses to walk with her, in case people will link the two of them together. The point is, I desperately want to continue my relationship with my girlfriend, but her parents are making it very hard; what can I do to calm them down, and make them as fond of me as possible?

Answer #1

Ok, I can see how I appeared like I was contradicting my self; I guess that was due to my bad explaining. What I meant by that is, they made absolutely no effort at all for us to see each other, on weekends and stuff. If they were aware that she was going to ride her bike into town, so we could see each other, then they’d forbid it. Seeing each other during school (lunch/recess) they had no problem with, or If we happened to see each other however down the street without organising it, they’d have no problem with. The other week for I happened to see her with her family and went up to talk with her, where I was only confronted by her mum, and her rudeness, and was forced to walk off.

I know I may appear defensive, stubborn or ‘close minded’ to some people, but I can’t help that. I just want to have a normal relationship with my girlfriend, but her parents are being hard to deal with, making it almost impossible for me to even see their daughter, so I go on here to ask what I can do to tend to the wound I’ve caused that’s only creating more havoc; but I only get people telling me that I’ve done wrong. I did see you piece of advice about not seeing her, but to be honest, I was hoping someone might give a different piece of advice that wouldn’t resolve in a brake. Believe me, ‘physical activity’ is currently the last thing on my mind. I just want to freely be able to see my girlfriend.

I’ll list some of the things that her parents have done.

When we began going out, she was also going for a job as well. When her parents found out about us, she was forced to choose between her job and I.

One time, her parents were punishing her for something, told her that she can no longer work, and told her that they’d rung up the place and quit on her behalf; then they his her uniform. She believed that they’d done it. The next day they told her what they’d really done, then when she went back to work she got in trouble for not coming the previous day.

They constantly accuse her of wagging, (now I can at least see where their coming from here as she used to do it a lot) Even though they’ve seen her recent report, and her huge lack of absences. One time she was fighting with her sister, and when her mum stuck up for her sister, my girlfriend asked why she never stands up for her, to which her mum replied with, ‘she’s my number one.’ Along with the job thing, when her parents became aware that we were going out, they made plans to come out to my place with two of the other sisters’ boyfriends and bash me; and they in fact drove out my way looking for my house.

The dad has made many threats about me behind my back, to my girlfriend.

There are many things… And this isn’t the full list

Answer #2

Yeah I understand what you are going through ok I’m 18 and she is 15 but will be turning 16 in august(just 1 more year) So yeah it’s just her mom and her older brothers ok one of her brothers came to my school and treatened my life and wanted to kill me ight then and there but my girlfriend was there so he didn’t do anything and of course I got pissed after he left but yeah she always tells me how her mom keeps her on lock down and never lets go out not even to see me but lets her other sister (13) go out and see her boyfriend and her sis already lost her virginity but luckly her mom doesn’t know yet but yeah I finnally got tired of my girlfriend telling me how her brothers hit her (she has 3 brothers the youngest is 18)the oldest and the middle are probably the most cool with it but yeah so one day I told her your parents raised them wrong because her brothers are hardcore gangsters and to be honest that comes down to the parenting and I tolsd my girlfriend I would take her away from all this and out of no where she got pissed and said I shouldn’t be talking down on her family and I was like what the hell and now she is making a big deal saying a called her parents and her brothers name but I’ve never called her parents or her bothers names except the one that treatened my life I mean it’s not everyday you have someone wanting to kill you and I understand he’s being an older brother looking out for his sister but hey I have a sister and I would never threaten her boyfriend and want to kill him I mean that is to extreme but yeah I’ve told her that and she understands but lately we have been having arguements because of little things and now we are taking a break but I’m really scared she will grow feelings for somebody else and I don’t want that I really love her a lot but hey if that’s what she wants then so be it so yeah if anybody has any advice please HELP ME!!!

Answer #3

Sneaking around is hardly what we were doing, I think you miss under stood, angelfire2708 (by the way, notice I changed the title). Her parents wouldn’t mind us seeing each other; they just didn’t make it easy for us to see each other. Their was other factors that I didn’t mention that perhaps should have been pointed out. She has many siblings, some that also do not like me and tend to make up and exaggerate situations to make my girlfriend and I look bad. That’s why we were going up to the “paddock” in the first place. I am mature enough to see your point, that they only want what’s best for their kids, and I have pointed that out to my girlfriend who at times has had such big fights with her family has resorted to leaving home. It was because of me that she stayed at home, in fact, since she began seeing me, her school work results went up and she has almost stopped wagging classes completely. She has been doing so well, but her parents seem to ignore all the progress and only notice the bad things. To Sue90, no id don’t feel foolish, I’m pretty sure if you were caught unexpectedly by some strangers with your dacks down, you would do something similar to actions. I’ve never lied about the age of my girlfriend. If someone has a problem with it, I point out how it only sounds worse than what it really is and if they’re not intelligent to see the minor difference then I stop wasting my time on them and move on to get to know someone else. Her parents are being very unreasonable, I can’t type all the things that they’ve done, and their for you can’t grasp the full impact of the situation. Don’t patronise me by asking such questions. You sound like an intelligent person, so don’t underestimate my girlfriends and my feelings for each other. I’ve heard about puppy love and first love and such, but if that’s the case, then that’s my problem for the future, right now, I want to stay with my girlfriend, and I need help with her parents.

Answer #4

I’m going to make it plain and simple. 2 things: 1)Suck it up. 2)Plan ahead with her. Now for the explaining part. Don’t stress out or worry about it. It won’t help anything. If she truly loves you, plan for both your futures, specifically when she turns 18. I assume her parents give her some alone time on the phone or computer; that is when you communicate either directly or through messages. Her parents can’t breach a password protected email account unless they’re dirty hackers. Plan specificly to keep in touch somehow and for her to act like she’s interested in other guys so her prick-faced mom can cut her some slack and give her more freedom. Have her use that freedom to stray off and see you. The success of this plan heavily relies on her ability to act. Continue this for the remaining years until you have saved up enough money to buy a place to live and take her away. Oh and don’t have kids; they will place a huge financial burden on you and ultimately screw up your plan to live happily together. Trust me, she sounds like she was raised in a #*cked up family from the way you describe it. She’ll have no idea how to raise them if she wants them. So yeah, get a good job and work your @$$ off for the next few years so you can snatch her away from the clutches of that evil family. If she refuses to plan with you and uses her mom preventing her as an excuse, dump that 8!tch’s @$$. There’s no way any child doesn’t get some alone time without killing themselves. This probably means she was looking for a reason to dump you and her mom was in on it. I hope my answer helps you and didn’t sound too harsh. You were looking for solutions, and all I read in the responses was mostly 8!tching so I gave you a solution. Yeah I know this happened a year ago but I assume you’re still having the problem and she’s still 16. If not… well I hope anyone else with similar problems finds this useful.

Answer #5

I kind of know what your going through my friends micah and alyssia are dating shes 13 and hes 15 big whoop aye but her dad cant stand it so they sneak and he is having a problem cause he feels bad about it and wants to make it better the only thing I can think of to do and please dont act like I dont know anything because im a “kid” im 14 and know more then suzy up there probably knows about it… but go to her house when you know shes not home and talk to her parents about it or have your parents talk to them about it but dont do anything while shes home because she might flip her lid you know? so just do it when shes gone. listen to what her parents say and dont interupt them just let them speak their mind about it and then when they are done tell them your sorry and say what you need to but be nice about it hope I helped Cheyenne

Answer #6

I sorta have those problem but different. Im a girl and just turned 18, while my boyfriend is 15. We’re in the same grade so I really dont have any friends my age. So one night when his parents went out of town a couple of our friends and us had like a coed slumber party we even had his parents car. But we didnt do much but watch tv and hang out. It was fun but not worth it. When his parents found out they were really upset. They think a lot more happened then what we told them. (his parents never knew how old I was) and his dad did back ground checks on everyone and discovered that I was 18. At first they were fine with it, but then they started to go to family consouling. The theropist told them that I was using my boyfriend. It was so hard to think that I would ever do that. We’ve been dating for two years. The lady told his parents that it would be best for us to break up. I couldnt belive it. His parents called my mom and told them everything and that we had to break up. Its been about two months since then, we are still dating but we only get to see and talk at school. If they see us together they will put a restraning order on us. They’ve blocked my number and every family member of mine from his phone. This is to much to handle. I know what we did was wrong and I would take back that night if I cold. But was it that bad to do this?

Answer #7

Along with your title…Is there a reason why some of her siblings dont like you? You are contradicting yourself when you say, “Her parents wouldn’t mind us seeing each other; they just didn’t make it easy for us to see each other”. If they truly didnt mind, then they really wouldnt make it hard for you to see her. Sneaking to go somewhere private, of course is going to make you both look bad. Her parents are only looking out for their child who has the possiblity of getting pregnant by her adult boyfriend. They dont need, or want to have to deal with that. When I was a soph. in high school, an 18 yr old was interested in me, and my parents wouldnt even allow it. I was totally fine with it, and when I look back, I understand why.

Why arent you telling us what her parents have all done? They are not being one bit unreasonable. You are the one who is being selfish, and very close-minded to their feelings. No one is underestimating yours and your girlfriends feelings for each other, but bringing sex into the relationship just pushed them over the edge. You did more harm than good by going that far. Remember, she is ONLY 15. You arent looking very good in their eyes, and getting them to accept you now, is almost impossible. It makes you look like thats all you want, and thats why your dating a 15 yr old. Think about it. If you truly love your girlfriend, then respect her by waiting until she is at least 17 before engaging in anymore physical activity.

Answer #8

Dear here_4_us, Don’t you feel foolish about hiding, running away getting caught like a little child. This is what has happened to you…you date a child you are treated like a child and now you’re acting like one. You are right 3 years doesn’t seem like a lot but it is when it is 15-18. You are of age and it will get very embarrassing to go to the pub and lie about why your girlfriend isn’t there. Lie to people that she is older. Her parents are not being unreasonable and I know it may seem that way but you need to be with people your own age who you should have more in common with. Step back and take a good look at yourself and ask why would you even be interested in a someone so young? Sue…good luck

Answer #9

im having the same problem man. my girlfriend and I had sex when I was 17 and she was 16 so luckily no charges can be pressed but thats not what I was worried about. Her parents found out about us having sex we explained to them we only had sex once but it made no difference. this happened friday, its now sunday and I have not talked to them at all. I try to tell them I am completely sorry and that whatever they decide I would respect and understand but they just dont want to hear anything from me. Now im trying to set up a time with her dad so we can talk in person. the best thing I can add is that you just need to respect their wishes and maybe in time they will give you some slack, but I have now realized that if youre only 18 like I am now, you have a whole life ahead of you, maybe with your girl or not, but try not to let this stop your life now…good luck man

Answer #10

They arent your in-laws until you get married. Her parents have every reason to be concerned. 3 years is not a big deal, except when it comes to an adult dating a child. The legal age of consent for having sex where you are is 17. You overstepped your boundaries by sneaking around, and then choosing to have sex with their underage daughter. If you really, and truly care for her, you would respect her parents. They are just looking out for her best interest, and being involved in her life is a good thing. Most parents arent involved, or care who their daughtesr are dating, adn what they is doing.

The best thing you can do is refrain from seeing your girlfriend for awhile. If things are truly meant to be, then you will be together, but going against her parents will only make things worse.

Answer #11

Ok , hows it goin for you now man? im 18 and dating a 15 year old girl, we’ve been dating for a year on the 27th of feb. we both love eachother so much. her dads pissed because we had sex and i snuck her out again. Her mom stoped her dad from calling the cops on me, and i am currently looking for a way to talk to her dad. but her dad doesnt even want her coming out to see me when i drop off her friend. How to i talk to her dad man to man?

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