My strict asian parents

are you spanked?

We’re pretty much in the same situation! 17, forced to be anti-social, self-harmed, with a loving boyfriend. I’ve talked to some other asian friends of mine (although they’re all guys), and none of them seem to have as strict parents as we do.. which is quite disappointing to be honest.. I havent seen my best friend in over 2 months, and some over of my other close friends in over a year :( when I ask to go out, they question me, which is really awkward to reply to, they don’t seem to understand that “friends are the fmaily you choose”, and that we need freedom to learn and grow up, that we need to make our mistakes. too bad they think we need to do the right thing every time, live their preferred lives through us. right now, my boyfriend has been really depressed from not seeing me, he’s been researching loads into controlling asian parents, and my culture and religion, etc. he thinks it’s best if I leave home, but to be honest, I am so scared of leaving, what my parents would do, and the rest of the family! but living conditions now are just ridiculous.. I am just as confused as you.. :( http://controllingparents.com/healthie.htm http://en.allexperts.com/q/Teen-Dating-Issues-849/Strict-Asian-Parents-VS-2.htm I really wish they weren’t so stubborn and would come to a compromise, and that they knew how unhappy they’re making me. I myself need to make a decision.. I can either live to please my parents, always listen to them, then listen to my arranged husband, and ultimately be unhappy. Or be free, make my own choices, be happy. It seems obvious which I would choose, but there’s so many other factors to think of.. my family’s reaction, finance? accommodation, would my friends stick by me and support me? am I making this decision purely just to have a good social teen-life, am I not thinking ahead? is there anyway I can pay to go to uni? what culture will my future children be brought up with? I think im actually going to talk to a teacher about this, someone older and more responsible, who will not give me a biased opinion and give me a break-down of the reality I have to face.

I know I havent really answered your question directly, but I hope you know you’re not alone, and you do have some choices, even if they end up ugly.. good luck :)

Well my life is the same I’m 100% Asian, wish strict parents. They take my phone at 10 every night they have cameras around the house and stuff. they wouldn’t even imagine me having a boyfriend cause there’s this dude I’ve been hanging out with and we both like each other. but like with his last girlfriend they would go to each others houses and stuff and my parents hardly will let me talk to guys and my friends. so like I’m in this barrier and my parents don’t know anything about me. my sister is almost sixteen and she’s not allowed to either we just want a regular life with trusting parents it’s not like I’m going to have sex I’m only 14!! but still! My parents need to lay off and I don’t know how to tell them. they’re always so denying And abusive..

Don’t worry, once your 18 your parents have no say in who you marry. If you love him, truly, then tell your parents. It’s cruel, and to be honest, racist, for them to limit you to only one race. You cannot choose who you fall in love with. Of course all parents would like their children to marry their own race, but the best ones, the ones who care only for their child’s happiness, wouldn’t let race get in the way. Show them the pain that they’ve cost you. Show them your cut marks, show them what they’ve done. Any proper parent should get their hearts broken with that.

I don’t know what to do really sorry I have strict asian parents too

I have strict parents to, try to get another member of your family to tell them, or you tell them in a calm way, and if they start shouting or abusing you, or even physically, then you should run away for about a week, and then tell them why you done that,they do care for you, but they also need to know that you have your man of dreams, same with me, no pain, no gain.

I have the exact controlling asian parents too who wanted me to set them up with a business before I could have my own career and said that I couldn’t be happy until they were happy first.

I suggest you muster up the courage and move out of home as soon as you can. I did it when I was 25 and haven’t looked back, in fact I wished I’d done it earlier so the life I was destined to live started sooner. Trust me it’s the way to go, life is too short and the purpose of your life is not to please your parents. You won’t believe the amount of freedom you have once you move out and will wonder how you ever lived your life as you know it now.

I’m part Asian and my mom was never strict. I think some parents are just very strict and protective. Just hang in there, they have every right to be over protective of you as the world we live in is CRAZY! Once your 18 though, you should have a little more freedom, but if you live under their roof, it’s still their rules.

Also I agree with the person above. I could never be in a long distance relationship. It’s not true for everyone, but I imagine most it would be.

I read most of the posts above. I am an Asian parent; who grew up under the ultra extreme protective wings of Asian parents. Some of the posts alluded to it, we are very protective. There is a reason. Have you read the news? Teenagers are killed everyday in the West(I am sure everywhere). Sometimes by friends, neighbors they knew! Ok, if not killed, rape/gang rape! Most family completely deny it. So you wont even read it in the news. As a child, I was taught priorities. First, Learn. Second ~Do good. Third ~earn. Fourth ~Marry and raise a family. Fifth, retire and find happiness. I had my issues with these things, but never hated it. Guess what, I am a parent of 3kids in Amrika, these values are going to be very important. Once you are 18, you have the full freedom in West(everywhere) to do what you want. To quip the famous Clint Eastwood quote, “Go ahead Punk, Make my day!”. I wish you all good luck from the bottom of heart, only as an Buddhist Asian parent can wish, with malice to none!

Read books , go online research about teen relationships so you learn these stages in your life without going through the pain like what your having.

If your smart as you say you are, you should b doing research online or get advice not from your peers but from people who have survived their teenage angst like what you having right now

I’m white so I won’t claim to totally understand, but I just broke up with my 25 year old boyfriend of 6 years(I’m 24) because his mother(who is Asian) is controlling beyond belief and because he won’t either stand up to her or help me avoid her. He repeatedly sat their passively as she spoke to me like a small child(wear your jacket, eat your dinner, etc.), had me sitting in the backseat holding her dog who was slobbering all over me(cute dog though) just because SHE (and no one else) wanted to bring him to a party, etc.

Worse, at age 25 my ex-boyfriend was still allowing her to make educational and career decisions for him and seemed to be majorly deficient in a lot of basic life skills(didn’t know that you never slap girlfriends until I threatened to dump him over it, above-average difficulties with roommates, seemed to expect me to read his mind when something was bugging him, didn’t even seem to want to cut the cord, was afraid to even try to look for a job, etc.). She was also starting to insist that I go to grad school even though I have a perfectly good job with my bachelor’s degree, as if that was any of her business. I don’t know how much of this was cultural or just them, but I have decided that I will absolutely positively never date a man(of any race) who lets his mother run his life again! I can just IMAGINE how things would have been if we had married, because I am POSITIVE that my cooking, cleaning, and childrearing would not have met HER standards! I am also positive that I did NOT want her as a mother in law. Maybe if I’d been able to deal with her it would’ve saved the relationship. Who knows, I’m not going back. I do feel bad for my ex but there’s no way I could handle that relationship.

We’re pretty much in the same situation! 17, forced to be anti-social, self-harmed, with a loving boyfriend. I’ve talked to some other asian friends of mine (although they’re all guys), and none of them seem to have as strict parents as we do.. which is quite disappointing to be honest.. I havent seen my best friend in over 2 months, and some over of my other close friends in over a year :( when I ask to go out, they question me, which is really awkward to reply to, they don’t seem to understand that “friends are the fmaily you choose”, and that we need freedom to learn and grow up, that we need to make our mistakes. too bad they think we need to do the right thing every time, live their preferred lives through us.

right now, my boyfriend has been really depressed from not seeing me, he’s been researching loads into controlling asian parents, and my culture and religion, etc. he thinks it’s best if I leave home, but to be honest, I am so scared of leaving, what my parents would do, and the rest of the family! but living conditions now are just ridiculous.. I am just as confused as you.. :( http://controllingparents.com/healthie.htm http://en.allexperts.com/q/Teen-Dating-Issues-849/Strict-Asian-Parents-VS-2.htm I really wish they weren’t so stubborn and would come to a compromise, and that they knew how unhappy they’re making me.

I myself need to make a decision.. I can either live to please my parents, always listen to them, then listen to my arranged husband, and ultimately be unhappy. Or be free, make my own choices, be happy. It seems obvious which I would choose, but there’s so many other factors to think of.. my family’s reaction, finance? accommodation, would my friends stick by me and support me? am I making this decision purely just to have a good social teen-life, am I not thinking ahead? is there anyway I can pay to go to uni? what culture will my future children be brought up with?

I think im actually going to talk to a teacher about this, someone older and more responsible, who will not give me a biased opinion and give me a break-down of the reality I have to face.

I know I havent really answered your question directly, but I hope you know you’re not alone, and you do have some choices, even if they end up ugly.. good luck :)