Funadvice Logo
Post
More Art, Writing & Literature Questions

My story {poem } please tell me if its good

Scars on her body Yet no one notices An abused girl Stuck in this world full of twists and turns She doesnt know what to do Her mother doesnt care her father who she fears She try so hard to be the perfect child But its just not enuff He comes with the belt and hits her Night after night Over and over again She yells.she cries And the more he hits What is she to do She tries to runawayss Gets caught father comes in and holds her down Choking her ,shes gasping for air No one is there She yells”pleasee stopp stopp” He doest care His eyes rages for fear Its seems to her death is soon near She prays to god in her head “please god godd dont make him kill me” Suddenly a knock at the door “police! Open up” Seems the neighbors heard the comotion They take him! And im frree.bye dad

Become an Expert →
Answer #1

Aside from spelling and grammatical errors, the structure could be improved.

Perhaps separate the lines into several stanzas. And when a sentence ends, don’t just put a period, also put a space, or a comma, or move it a line downward altogether.

Answer #2

yahh thats goood ! :]

Answer #3

I think it was pretty good but the end could have been more creative

Answer #4

I wasnt concentraiting on all that extra stuff im not trying to be a poet.but thanks anywaysss

Answer #5

well yeah I agree but It’s pretty good.

Answer #6

Thats relly good!!

More Like This
Ask an advisor one-on-one!
Advisor

Poems Please

Literature, Arts & Humanities, Education

Advisor

Kyle Derek Ervin's Story

Books, Faith and Spirituality, Personal Development

Advisor

The Really Good Book Shop

Fiction, Mystery, Thriller

Advisor

Shopnobilap

Literature, Online Publishing, Community

Advisor

Share Your Life Story UK

Book Ghostwriting, Biography Writing, Memoir Writing