My mom hates that i don't like her boyfriend

I'm sorry this is such a long message but I've been so stressed out I have to find out a way to at least help this a little hopefully.
I'm 15 and I just started recently having problems with my mom.
Recently this last May my mom decided to get a divorce with my dad. Truthfully I didn't like my dad anyways so I was actually very happy that finally I would get the chance to just live with her just myself. Unfortunately I found out that she was cheating on my dad before she got the divorce. I asked her if that was the only reason she was getting the divorce was because of this guy she was talking to and she said "Well, not the only reason but it's what kick started it."
I was really mad about finding out that she was cheating on my dad even though I didn't like my dad. Because in my opinion no matter what circumstances you're under you shouldn't do that to someone. If she was that unsatisfied with my dad she should've got the divorce long before. I'm still angry about it but I don't show much emotion now.
After my dad moved I met her boyfriend. He's a really awkward guy. His sense of humor is okay but sometimes his jokes are just really rude. Him and I don't really "click" very well. We get along but it's like kind of shallow talk like the kind that you just talk because you have to. He also has that mind where he stereotypes all teenagers which I can't stand because all teenagers are not alike and I'm definitely not one of those "stereotypical" ones. There's not really a chance of getting closer with him because he doesn't open up to people. (Besides my mom obviously).

Before my mom got the divorce we were really tight. I mean we were REALLY close. But since her boyfriend (Bill) came into the picture it's started to slip apart. I can tell it by little things. Probably one of the first times I noticed it was when her and I made plans to go to Victoria's Secret to go bra shopping before school because there was some special sale that day. It was going to be like kind of a girl's day out thing. The day before we were going to go she said "I'm going to go see Bill's parents tomorrow". So I said "Well, um, what about the day we planned out tomorrow?" but she was just like "Oh sorry I forgot we can go some other time."
So it's like you know wow thanks for blowing me off like that after we made plans.

I mentioned to her the next day before she left how I was kind of upset that she would blow me off like that after we were planning this for awhile. But she ended up screaming at me how I'm controlling her and telling her what to do. Even though I was just telling her how I felt about it.

Overall in general when Bill comes over which is like every other day maybe a little more, and all he does is sit on the couch and watch baseball. Which I don't really care but then my mom sits next to him and they're like all over each other like touching each other much and I know that's normal but you have to understand when there is an weird guy you barely know like touching your mom it's weird and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. What bothers me more is when I'm in there with them which is very rare they like whisper to each other and it makes me feel like I don't belong in my own house! I usually end up going to my room and I love my room but I hate being by myself. But when I go in the living room where they are I end up feeling like they don't want me there. What's even more awkward is that they always end up going in the bedroom. Locking the door and you just know they're both in there. It bothers me more than anything because they know I'm here! If they want to be so private why can't they go to his apartment or at least wait until I'm not around!

So the other night when we went out to eat they sat on one side of the table and I sat on the other. At one point my mom and him were whispering in each other's ears and I thought they said something to me. So I was like "What did you say?" and my mom was just like "uh nothing." Like I said before if they want to be private or talk about private things why attempt to even say it in front of me? Just about everyone I know knows that that's rude. Also at the table the subject came up on a social site. Both my mom and Bill have a a social site which is how they met. I didn't want my mom to get a a social site in the first place because there is men her age that are so weird and creepy that I didn't want her to be stupid and meet one of them. So she did. I knew she would because she resists into temptation so easily. That's why I didn't want her to have one. Anyways so we were talking about it and I just flat out said I don't think adults should have myspaces it's just kind of weird and a lot of them are really creepy.

So with that said now I can tell you what just recently happened to make me realize that it's extremely hard to talk to my mom. Last night Bill came over and I was on the computer downloading music. I was not on a social site or anything. So he made a smart butt comment to me saying "kids shouldn't have myspaces." I pretended like I didn't hear but then I heard him and my mom snickering and making fun of me and mocking me for what I said. It hurt really bad that my mom would make fun of me right along with him too. I got up and just walked into my room and just got really upset. Earlier that day my mom made this special chicken. We don't usually have like dinner together or anything but when she makes things that she takes time for she always offers me some. But last night she didn't offer me anything. She didn't ask if I ate (like she does about every day) and after I went into that room after that comment she didn't even bother to try to talk to me at all. Earlier that day my friend came over and asked if she could have some of the chicken my mom was going to make that night and my mom was like no Ben's coming over. So after I thought about it it seemed to me like it was just so important to feed Ben that it didn't matter about what I ate. Like I wouldn't even care if she nicely asked me if I could make something for myself she just didn't even say anything. She forgot. I didn't even talk to her the rest of the night and she didn't even notice that either.

So then came today. I couldn't hold anything in any more. This morning when I was doing my makeup in her bedroom and I said "Let me ask you something" and she said "okay sure" and I was like "so did Bill really have to make the comment that he did last night? and she was like "No if it bothers you I can talk to him about it." and then I started tearing up and I said "Do you realize I didn't even eat or anything last night?" and that's when she blew up at me. "WELL I'M SORRY I CAN'T READ MINDS I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND YOU SHOULD'VE JUST ASKED!!!" I know I could've asked. But it was too awkward at the time to ask because they were in the bedroom and it was getting late and I needed to go to bed. and then she started the whole "YOU'RE CONTROLLING ME YOUR MAKING ME BREAK UP WITH HIM" thing. On the way to school she just kept screaming "I'M JUST going to BREAK UP WITH HIM SO YOU CAN FINALLY BE HAPPY!!" and I said "NO I NEVER TOLD YOU TO BREAK UP WITH HIM I NEVER SAID THAT!". The rest that I said is that no I don't like him(she already knew that) and that I guess I'm just going to have to deal with it but right now I'm just having problems doing that.

Later when she picked me up from school she pretty much said, "So what do you want me to do." and I thought about it and I said "Maybe you should learn how to balance two people in your life." It's true. She's never really had to do that before because she didn't like my dad. I started explaining to her about how I don't like it when she tries to talk privately in front of me and I mentioned the incident at the restaurant that I explained to you before. All she said was "SO NOW I CAN'T TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND NOW? YOU ARE SO CONTROLLING YOU KNOW WHAT IF YOU WANT IT THAT WAY I'M going to PUT YOU ON STRICT RULES NOW JUST LIKE YOU'RE DOING TO ME(I'm not even giving her rules I'm just saying what I don't like!) AND YOU ARE going to EAT AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY AND YOU'RE going to EAT EXACTLY WHAT I GIVE YOU I DON'T want to HEAR YOU GOING 'BOO HOO MOMMY FORGOT TO FEED ME' EVER AGAIN!"

What kind of crap is that? I just want her to view things from my perspective more than anything so that she can realize that I don't like how she acts because she's obsessed with Bill. When I explained what I meant about the whispering thing she thought it was stupid that I was offended by that. She was like "That is the most retarded thing I've ever heard!" Like okay wouldn't you be offended if you had friends around you that were like "(whisper whisper)" "(whisper)" "Oh sorry we don't want you to hear what we were talking about".
Would that not bother you?? I don't even care if it's not about me you shouldn't do that to anyone it makes them feel out of place you know?

I'm hoping maybe you have some advice on next time I have a conflict with her. She told me next time if I have a problem with something she's doing to tell her right away. But look what happens when I do try to talk to her about these things! So I hope you have something or maybe some advice on what I should tell her if she starts flipping out on me.

I appreciate it. Sorry that was so extremely long I just had to get that off my chest.
Thank you SO much for reading this.

13 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 13

I know it's hard "losing" your mother. You and she currently live in two different worlds.

She is intent on trying to please and be appealing to her new boyfriend. In the process she assumes that you are capable of fending more for yourself.

You might simply find a time when you and she are alone and let her know that you can appreciate her wanting to be pleasing and appealing to her boyfriend, but that you would like for you and her to have some mother/daughter time occasionally.


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ANSWER #2 of 13

Read the entire thing, now.

While I'm sure you at least feel a little bit about venting, I can understand what you're going through. When my mother left a few years ago, my dad started dating around. Now he's been with this woman who we're moving in with in a few days, who, just like you and Bill, I "tolerate", though it's a little more of an issue than that, because of how my father acts when they're together.

Anyway, I know how you feel about wishing they would just go do their "business" somewhere else. It's kind of just rude that they screw when you're home. There were times when I couldn't even go to the bathroom, because they were having extremely loud sex, and the bathroom is next to my dad's room. Gross.

I haven't really found an issue to my problem, either. Though we differ - I like being alone. In fact, I love my privacy and I thrive on it. So my answer to MY problem was just to seclude myself in my room, away from my father and away from his girlfriend. This is the only thing I can offer to you besides spending more time with friends and away from home. But, again, I don't value my relationship with my father, either, but it sounds like you still like your mom.

I'm sorry I can't help more but if you need to talk, you can email me.

What if my Mom hates my boyfriend?
ANSWER #3 of 13

I've had a similiar situation. my mom cheated on my step father and then left him. she moved into a new house and within the first week she moved HIM in. I hate givin him a title. my sister missed the first week of school (new town) because my mother stayed at his house for a week leavin my sister who was 14 (freshman HS) to take care of my little brother and sister. who was 7and8. he finally left my mother and married some woman. and moved his then wife into a house my mother was sleepin in while he was single. the house was repo and so he left his wife and went back with my mom.. I hated him..I hated my mother. she has 3 daughters she always make bad choices in men and we always have to witness the hurricane in her relationships...

we fought but now im ok...I keep away...you should keep away and stay away.

but Bill or whateva his name is not the one that betrayed u. its your mom you have the issues with...when you can control your feelings and solve issues with her you can work on him. thats what I learned. good luck

I hate my moms boyfriend
ANSWER #4 of 13

wELL I HAVE THE SAME EXACT PROBLEM...I MEAN MY MOTHER...COMPLETELY IGNORES ME EVERYTIME I GET AROUND HERE AND HER BOYFRIENS...AND THEN WHEN I SAY MOM DID YOU HEAR ME!! SHE'LL SAY "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU TALKING TO, GO TO YOUR ROOM!" UGH...I WANT TO MOVE WITH MY FATHER BUT I NEVER KNEW HIM...BUT I THNK IT'LL BE WHATS BEST...I MEAN MY SITUATION IS SO SERVERE I HAVE MIGRANES, ULCERS, ACUTE PAINS THROUGH-OUT MY WHOLE BODY..AND ONE TIME MY MOMS FATBURGER(SRRY THATS HIS CODE-NAME FOR MY FRIENDS AND I) BUT HE MADE A COMMENT SAYING "I BROUGHT YOUR FOOD UP THE STAIRS BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT YOU TO FALL ON YOUR FACE. AT THE TIME IT WAS SNOW ON THE GROUND...AN I FELT REALLY OFFENDED...I TRIED TO TELL MY MOM BUT THEN SHE JUST STARTED TO LAUGH...THEN SHE SAID OH IM SORRY, HE WAS ONLY PLAYING...AN THEN HE TOLD MY COUSIN HE LOOKED LIKE LIL WAYNE...MY COUSIN LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HIM...MY MOMS BOYFRIEND TALKS ABOUT MY AUNT, ME, AND MY COUSIN...BUT WHEN HE COMES AROUND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS HE SUCKS UP TO THEM...UGH I HATE IT...BUT ALSO I JUST HATE HIS WHOLE PERSONILITY BECAUSE HE TALKS ABOUT OVER-SIZED PEOPLE AND HE'S OVER-SIZED HIS- SELF...AND WHEN YOU DONT SAY HI TO HIM HE GETS EXTRA OFFENDED
OH YEAH I REMEMBER ONE TIME I DIDNT SAY HI TO HIM AND HE TOLD MY MOM THAT I WAS DISRESPECTFUL AND EVERYTHING THEN HE TOLD ME THAT HE GOING TO BE AROUND FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND I NEED TO GET A LIFE...AND STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY MOM AWAY FROM HIM...I FELT REALLY HURT FROM ALL OF THAT...AND ALL MY MOM DID WAS SMILE...
I THINK I WANT TO MOVE WITH MY DAD...BUT I DONT KNOW HIM...WELL I CALL HIM...BUT I NEVER SAW HIM...IN PERSON...BUT ONLY ON MYSPACE...

I hate my moms boyfriend
ANSWER #5 of 13

Wow. I read it and my most important advice is...don't ever keep anything in. It is good for you or people around you.

You told your mom she needed to balance out two people which you right to do. You are 15 years old and your mom shouldn't ever assume you know how to take of yourself, (even if you know how to) because till your 18 your mom is responsible for you

If she starts flipping out on you, all I can tell you is remind who the child in the relationship is. You are her child, not someone trying to control her. You need to remind her that while she is entitled to have a life, she has to remember she still has a child to think of and shouldn't chose a guy over her own child.

Your situation reminds me of my cousin who was in a nearly exact situation is. To find the attention she was looking for in her mother, she placed on her boyfriend, now she is 17, with a 5 month old baby and engaged to guy who I think is a scumbag and is repeated her mother's cycle. So please, don't go to that.

If you ever need a friend, add me or email me.

My mom hates my boyfriend, what do I do? :/
ANSWER #6 of 13

I am writing this because this has happened to me I haved talk 2 her but she does nothing somebody help me please it is getting me mad

My mom hates me
ANSWER #7 of 13

Yeah it would completely bother me but I think you have dealt with it really well and expalinded how you feel to them which is good and maturee.
I really dont no what advice ic an give Im sorry , but all ic an say is good luc and keep dealing with it in the fab way you have.
x

I hate my moms boyfriend
ANSWER #8 of 13

I am writing this becaus this has happened 2 me I have talk to her about it somebody help me please help me

when should i tell my mom im bi cause she hates bi /les/and gay?
ANSWER #9 of 13

move out and DO NOT TELL YOUR MOM

why does my mom hate me?
ANSWER #10 of 13

I'm sooo sorry! :S I wish I can help
but all I can say is talk to someone you trust, a friend, a family member so you won't feel alone much... maybe they will understand you.
Or move out but dont tell your mom!! just leave her the way she left you
I hope everything turns out okay :)

How do you explain to your mom that you hate your dad?
ANSWER #11 of 13

Hey im 12 and the same thing is happening to me. His name is barry. He has two daughters one I 19 the other is 17. The daughters are nice but he is a sexist even his daughter ssaid that. He dosent listen to children or girls. he hates teens and children. he is racist. the thing is my mom hates people like thast but this morning I found a pregnancy test box and condoms. I have to live with him too. I would rather live with my dad he wants me there but my moom dosent eve want me anymore if she has a baby I will be forgotten by her. My grandparents think he is rude and they hate my mom for putting me through this. My mom has never even introduced him to any of my family. My grandparents threatend to take me away from her.

Why does my mom hates me?
ANSWER #12 of 13

omogoshh!!!
I have the same xact issue and its super annoying!
I mean...I love my mom
but I HATE her bpyfriend!he made us moveto another house from my fave home!he ruins everything!!also..evrytime I come home frm school, my mom is usually at home waiting 4 me..and now that her boyfriend is here, she is always wd him in their room!ugh!now all my mom cares about is her stupid boyfriend!


ANSWER #13 of 13

Ask your mother if she really values the input she's getting from her only daughter. If she is putting her boyfriend over you, then tell her something is wrong with that. Boyfriends are dispendable, and children aren't. She should care about what you think, and really listen. If saying this does not work, or bring up an "inner feelings" conversation, try speaking to an aunt or uncle on your mother's side. Or even a grandparent. Because then it becomes about your family versus her boyfriend.


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