My mom hates that I don't like her boyfriend

I’m sorry this is such a long message but I’ve been so stressed out I have to find out a way to at least help this a little hopefully. I’m 15 and I just started recently having problems with my mom. Recently this last May my mom decided to get a divorce with my dad. Truthfully I didn’t like my dad anyways so I was actually very happy that finally I would get the chance to just live with her just myself. Unfortunately I found out that she was cheating on my dad before she got the divorce. I asked her if that was the only reason she was getting the divorce was because of this guy she was talking to and she said “Well, not the only reason but it’s what kick started it.” I was really mad about finding out that she was cheating on my dad even though I didn’t like my dad. Because in my opinion no matter what circumstances you’re under you shouldn’t do that to someone. If she was that unsatisfied with my dad she should’ve got the divorce long before. I’m still angry about it but I don’t show much emotion now. After my dad moved I met her boyfriend. He’s a really awkward guy. His sense of humor is okay but sometimes his jokes are just really rude. Him and I don’t really “click” very well. We get along but it’s like kind of shallow talk like the kind that you just talk because you have to. He also has that mind where he stereotypes all teenagers which I can’t stand because all teenagers are not alike and I’m definitely not one of those “stereotypical” ones. There’s not really a chance of getting closer with him because he doesn’t open up to people. (Besides my mom obviously).

Before my mom got the divorce we were really tight. I mean we were REALLY close. But since her boyfriend (Bill) came into the picture it’s started to slip apart. I can tell it by little things. Probably one of the first times I noticed it was when her and I made plans to go to Victoria’s Secret to go bra shopping before school because there was some special sale that day. It was going to be like kind of a girl’s day out thing. The day before we were going to go she said “I’m going to go see Bill’s parents tomorrow”. So I said “Well, um, what about the day we planned out tomorrow?” but she was just like “Oh sorry I forgot we can go some other time.” So it’s like you know wow thanks for blowing me off like that after we made plans.

I mentioned to her the next day before she left how I was kind of upset that she would blow me off like that after we were planning this for awhile. But she ended up screaming at me how I’m controlling her and telling her what to do. Even though I was just telling her how I felt about it.

Overall in general when Bill comes over which is like every other day maybe a little more, and all he does is sit on the couch and watch baseball. Which I don’t really care but then my mom sits next to him and they’re like all over each other like touching each other much and I know that’s normal but you have to understand when there is an weird guy you barely know like touching your mom it’s weird and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. What bothers me more is when I’m in there with them which is very rare they like whisper to each other and it makes me feel like I don’t belong in my own house! I usually end up going to my room and I love my room but I hate being by myself. But when I go in the living room where they are I end up feeling like they don’t want me there. What’s even more awkward is that they always end up going in the bedroom. Locking the door and you just know they’re both in there. It bothers me more than anything because they know I’m here! If they want to be so private why can’t they go to his apartment or at least wait until I’m not around!

So the other night when we went out to eat they sat on one side of the table and I sat on the other. At one point my mom and him were whispering in each other’s ears and I thought they said something to me. So I was like “What did you say?” and my mom was just like “uh nothing.” Like I said before if they want to be private or talk about private things why attempt to even say it in front of me? Just about everyone I know knows that that’s rude. Also at the table the subject came up on a social site. Both my mom and Bill have a a social site which is how they met. I didn’t want my mom to get a a social site in the first place because there is men her age that are so weird and creepy that I didn’t want her to be stupid and meet one of them. So she did. I knew she would because she resists into temptation so easily. That’s why I didn’t want her to have one. Anyways so we were talking about it and I just flat out said I don’t think adults should have myspaces it’s just kind of weird and a lot of them are really creepy.

So with that said now I can tell you what just recently happened to make me realize that it’s extremely hard to talk to my mom. Last night Bill came over and I was on the computer downloading music. I was not on a social site or anything. So he made a smart butt comment to me saying “kids shouldn’t have myspaces.” I pretended like I didn’t hear but then I heard him and my mom snickering and making fun of me and mocking me for what I said. It hurt really bad that my mom would make fun of me right along with him too. I got up and just walked into my room and just got really upset. Earlier that day my mom made this special chicken. We don’t usually have like dinner together or anything but when she makes things that she takes time for she always offers me some. But last night she didn’t offer me anything. She didn’t ask if I ate (like she does about every day) and after I went into that room after that comment she didn’t even bother to try to talk to me at all. Earlier that day my friend came over and asked if she could have some of the chicken my mom was going to make that night and my mom was like no Ben’s coming over. So after I thought about it it seemed to me like it was just so important to feed Ben that it didn’t matter about what I ate. Like I wouldn’t even care if she nicely asked me if I could make something for myself she just didn’t even say anything. She forgot. I didn’t even talk to her the rest of the night and she didn’t even notice that either.

So then came today. I couldn’t hold anything in any more. This morning when I was doing my makeup in her bedroom and I said “Let me ask you something” and she said “okay sure” and I was like “so did Bill really have to make the comment that he did last night? and she was like “No if it bothers you I can talk to him about it.” and then I started tearing up and I said “Do you realize I didn’t even eat or anything last night?” and that’s when she blew up at me. “WELL I’M SORRY I CAN’T READ MINDS I CAN’T READ YOUR MIND YOU SHOULD’VE JUST ASKED!!!” I know I could’ve asked. But it was too awkward at the time to ask because they were in the bedroom and it was getting late and I needed to go to bed. and then she started the whole “YOU’RE CONTROLLING ME YOUR MAKING ME BREAK UP WITH HIM” thing. On the way to school she just kept screaming “I’M JUST going to BREAK UP WITH HIM SO YOU CAN FINALLY BE HAPPY!!” and I said “NO I NEVER TOLD YOU TO BREAK UP WITH HIM I NEVER SAID THAT!”. The rest that I said is that no I don’t like him(she already knew that) and that I guess I’m just going to have to deal with it but right now I’m just having problems doing that.

Later when she picked me up from school she pretty much said, “So what do you want me to do.” and I thought about it and I said “Maybe you should learn how to balance two people in your life.” It’s true. She’s never really had to do that before because she didn’t like my dad. I started explaining to her about how I don’t like it when she tries to talk privately in front of me and I mentioned the incident at the restaurant that I explained to you before. All she said was “SO NOW I CAN’T TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND NOW? YOU ARE SO CONTROLLING YOU KNOW WHAT IF YOU WANT IT THAT WAY I’M going to PUT YOU ON STRICT RULES NOW JUST LIKE YOU’RE DOING TO ME(I’m not even giving her rules I’m just saying what I don’t like!) AND YOU ARE going to EAT AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY AND YOU’RE going to EAT EXACTLY WHAT I GIVE YOU I DON’T want to HEAR YOU GOING ‘BOO HOO MOMMY FORGOT TO FEED ME’ EVER AGAIN!”

What kind of crap is that? I just want her to view things from my perspective more than anything so that she can realize that I don’t like how she acts because she’s obsessed with Bill. When I explained what I meant about the whispering thing she thought it was stupid that I was offended by that. She was like “That is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard!” Like okay wouldn’t you be offended if you had friends around you that were like “(whisper whisper)” “(whisper)” “Oh sorry we don’t want you to hear what we were talking about”. Would that not bother you?? I don’t even care if it’s not about me you shouldn’t do that to anyone it makes them feel out of place you know?

I’m hoping maybe you have some advice on next time I have a conflict with her. She told me next time if I have a problem with something she’s doing to tell her right away. But look what happens when I do try to talk to her about these things! So I hope you have something or maybe some advice on what I should tell her if she starts flipping out on me.

I appreciate it. Sorry that was so extremely long I just had to get that off my chest. Thank you SO much for reading this.