My girlfriend is cheating with my best friend - help.

Me and my girlfriend (Christina) met at a party in the summer when we were graduating high school, she ended up having a fling with one of my friends James, while I started dating one of her friends Julia. I eventually broke up with Julia by the end of the summer because I wanted Christina. Christina and James stopped fooling around cause he treated her like a piece of meat, even though thats how they hooked up.

Anyway, I really felt something for this girl the first time we talked and I know she felt the same. We eventually hooked up, but kept it secret for awhile because she didn’t want to hurt her friend Julia. Eventually things came out and it was official.

By the next summer, I had found out she had cheated on me with some guy at work, who she had being fooling around with at work in the past. She told me it was only once and I still believe her. We ended up breaking up after I found out.

About a year later, I bumped into her in our college and stopped to talk and see how she was. I figured a year had gone by and I was over the harsh feelings. We started hanging out everyday since than and pretty much hit it off from that day. Our feelings were much stronger, we connected much better, we were both more mature, things couldn’t have being better that March. However, the both of us were keeping this secret once again. I defiantly didn’t want my friends to know I was getting back with her after she cheated on me.

April leading into this recent summer 08, my best friend Dave told me she was looking good these days not knowing we had been seeing each other. At that point I got jealous and knew that I was still crazy about her, so he was the first person I told. I would constantly talk to him about my uncertainties about Christina at the same time talk about how good she made me feel. Whether it was a good move or not. I guess I should not have really worried so much about what he or anyone else thought, but it all got into my head. I had a birthday party at a bar in the summer, most of my friends were there. She was there too, this was the first time we were going to be seen together again. I didn’t know how I should be, so I kind of distanced myself from her a bit and didn’t spend as much time with her at the party as I would have liked . That night basically turned into a big mess between us and somehow got brushed under the rug, well for me at least.

After that day things changed, she had a lot more attitude with me and wasn’t as sweet. I let some more of my friends get to my head, so my friend Dave took me out two or three times later on in the summer where I ended up getting pretty drunk and making out with 3 girls on separate occasions. One of them brought me back to her place, but I said no to sex cause all I could think of was Christina, and I left. Later when I met up with my friend Dave I told him that I slept with her, just cause I didn’t want to look like and idiot that cared so much for this girl that cheated on me. I know in my heart that I got with those girls out of spite and for my pride.

Later on in the summer I began to notice Dave talking about Christina a lot, asking many personal questions about her, like sexual preferences and what not. I was never really comfortable with that at all and always attempted to change the subject. I began to notice Dave acting very rude and unusual with me. I noticed Christina had similar behavior. I also noticed that they would call me around the same times. Ex. I would talk to Christina on the phone who would tell me she was working or was doing something, I called him, no answer. An hour later I would get a call from both of them 5 - 10 minutes apart. This happened so many times in the summer. I eventually started catching on. She would always come over to my place with red eyes, either because she was smoking with him or cause he was blowing in her face and got some cum in her eyes, cause thats what I do sometimes.

Dave basically acted like a total asshole to me all summer and I could never figure out why, and when I eventually confronted him to ask if anything was going on, he denied everything, and had no explanation as to why he was acting very disrespectful to me. He kept telling me just to break up with her and thats it.

When I confronted my girlfriend she would become very upset and defensive, and I really feel that she was scrweing him behind my back that summer. She called me paranoid a lot, and said that was to blame. When the three of us would stand together, the two of them won’t even look to one another.

Before you call me paranoid, here was the thing that really caused my suspicion. One day I was hanging out talking to Dave, he said “who says “what are you saying”, like what is that supposed to mean anyway”.

The next day I was hanging out with Christina and she said the exact same thing to me with the exact same way he did. She also talked about some other things that he was talking about too, this happened a few times. Leading me to believe that they were obviously talking with one another. When they claimed they weren’t at all. Also when I told my friend James about the whole thing, he told me that Dave was talking to him about some girl that he was screwing, and when James asked about it, he would constantly brush it off. James also mentioned how Dave was always talking about Christina (before I even mentioned to him my suspicion).

So what the hell. Every time it comes down to it I have no evidence, just this painful feeling inside. I don’t talk to Dave anymore, but I am still with Christina.

I tell myself its all paranoia, and try to move on. I love her a lot, the two of us have never being better. This feeling keeps coming up, I even dream about it.

I really don’t know what to do, I love her so much and I just don’t know whether to move forward and start living together. I’m afraid of going so far with her and finding out this terrible thing happened and its true. I avoid most people I know these days, because I still have this inner feeling that about it.

Please tell me what you think, I don’t know what to do.

Answer #1

In this case you need to remember one of the most fundamental things within any relationship. That thing is trust. If you cannot trust the person you are with and you have an on-and-off relationship, then you have some thinking to do. Your partner cannot take advantage of how strong your feelings are for her just because she knows you’ll still want her.

Reading over your story, there is a decent chance that your suspicions are correct. People do slip up like that and this seems to be the case here. Your partner though (from what you have said) seems like the type who wouldn’t admit it even if you cornered her.

Think about this with your heart. Do you actually love her or do you just love having a girlfriend? A lot of people are mistreated by their partners andeventually come to realise that it was the status they loved and not their partner (that is not to say they never loved their partner of course). If you have any hope of getting an answer from her, you cannot afford to ‘confront’ her. You have to reassure her and tell her that you really need to know the truth.

My view of this is quite harsh really. You have both been unfaithful and both seem emotionally uncertain. You need to think about what I have typed above. Do you actually love ‘her’? Are you actually happy? There are so many questions that you must ask yourself. It’s hard to call something a relationship if you never feel safe and if you find it hard to trust the person. Break-ups do hurt (even if you initiate them), but you need to look out for yourself. If you think she is walking all over you, then perhaps this should end. At the end of the day whether or not she cheated on you is not the only question. You seem to hold a lot of distrust for her. Are you actually fit to be with her either?

This is a complex issue and I am glad that you have ceased talking to Dave seeing as he was treating you badly. Consider your feeling and actually think beyond love. Sometimes a love we once had blinds us. By that I mean you may have been in love, but when the love goes, you still don’t know how to give it up or if it’s gone at all. Think deeply about your partner, your relationship and your own feelings. If you think this relationship is too complicated and that it is hurting/ stressing you too much/ often, then do not be scared to end it. Good luck mate :)!

Answer #2

I’d bet money she’s cheating on you. (I’m a chick, so I know things). But you’re kinda immature for letting your friends control how you act toward her. Why should you care what they think about y’all’s relationship? It’s YOUR life, YOUR relationship, YOUR happiness. I think if you would have put her first instead of your friends, she wouldn’t have cheated on you with your bestfriend. I know that’s harsh but it’s the truth. She probably cares about you and wants to be with you, but whatever went on with her and Dave was some kind of powertrip for her, revenge on you treating her like crap because you were worried about what other people would think. You should talk to her about it. Stay with her if it is what’s going to ultimately bring you the most happiness. If it’s going to torture you and make you miserable, leave and you’ll be okay eventually. You may never get over her, but you’ll be okay.

Answer #3

I sorta had the same problem. in the end my girlfriend had a best friend that was a guy and she would constantly txt him and all that. got annoying after a while and people who knew them would sometimes see them together flirting with ach othr and everytime I asked bout it she would get pissy and I hated the dud so I didnt care bout him. well I talked to her bout it a few times and then finally broke up with her. that really opened up everything as aftr a month her and the dude went out… so if I wr you I would break up with her. if after maybe 1-3 months she and the dud dont go out or watever then oh wells. or if you still have feelings for her try hooking up again. what I do a lot haha. but mayb a break is good so you can hit it off with othr girls. maybe find someone better ;)

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