My girlfriend's best friend that is a guy is a problem.

My girlfriend and I are in high school. Her best friend that is a guy is always around. It makes me so angry. In the mornings at her locker, hes there. At lunch, hes there. At the end of the day, hes there. When i say to her that i don’t like him around that much. She says that they have been best friends sense the beginning of middle school. He rides her bus and has her lunch as well. But I hate it, i get mad and then we argue. In my opinion when you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t hang around people of the opposite sex. I mean just a little bit isn’t bad, but he is always there. And if they hung out outside of school i would freak out. Her opinion is obviously different from mine. He hasn’t given me a reason to not trust him yet, but I’m just a protective, territorial boyfriend. I love her with all my heart and I honestly don’t think she would ever do anything like cheat or anything to hurt me. But i wake up every morning stressed and worried about if she will leave me for him. I feel like hes better than me because hes around more during school. I don’t have any classes or anything with her during school so I only see her during the morning and at her house. But she says hes just a good friend to her. But the other day we got into a bad argument about it, and i explained to her how bad this problem effects me. And she said next semester when we switch classes, she would stay away from him more and hang around with me more because this semester she can’t really help it. Well I’m done explaining the problem, I hope i can get some help. Thank you.

Answer #1

You are very insecure. If she really wanted to be with him, she would have been with him a long time ago. If you were mature, you would understand that people can hang around other people of the opposite sex if they’re in a relationship. This guy is her best friend and you should try to get to know him because he is an important person in her life. If you keep causing drama because of her best friend, she will start to resent you. Get over the fact that she has a friend who’s a guy. Just because he has a pen!s doesn’t mean she automatically wants to get with him. Love comes with trust.

Answer #2

I know that I am. I tell myself every single day that i trust her and nothing will happen. But my last serious relationship I was to trusting in her and i got cheated on. It gave me trust issues.

Answer #3

Oh… Well you need to understand that this isn’t the same girl. You can go on being the way you are now or you can change. Don’t blame your ex for the way you are, you have every power in you to change.

Answer #4

:) Thank you so much. I will do my absolute best for this girl. She is the reason I get up every morning:)!

Answer #5

It is not right for you to say she cant be with her friend, (I have been in that position as “the friend” and am in it right now) if they were Best friends for that long you can’t say dont be around him that much, i know you are not wanting to here this and i feel for you i really do. but it;s just not a “noble” thing to say to her. You say you trust her, then prove it. show her that you are fine with her spending time with her Best Friend. Also the part about ot hanging with opposite sex when your in a realtionship, NO MY FRIEND, you are very wrong their, Males and Females can spend time with the oppisite sex when their in a realtionship. I sinceraly hope this helps. i am in a situation where a friend of mine, her boyfriend is very overcontolling and well if you look at my profile you can see my question and what not ( YOU DONT HAVE TO, i just venting here i am still pissed about it) sorry! anyways dont be the overcontoling and Over-Protective Boyfriend, please dont my friend it just hurts everyone in the end. hope this helps Brother!

Answer #6
  1. See a ‘best friend’ as an individual human being, not as a member of the ‘opposite sex’ - Seriously man, if it was a girl, would you freak out? .
  2. Just because someone spends more time with your girl doesn’t mean she’s going to see him though a romantic perception - The emotional anchors she has for him in her head are that of a ‘friend’ and the emotional anchors she has for you are that of a ‘potential partner’. And quiet simply, emotional anchors don’t shift with the passage of time. .
  3. 90% of what you worry about NEVER happens in reality. Think about it. Avoid conjuring up wild illusions in your mind out of the blue. .
  4. Only a person who lacks self - trust has problems trusting others when they have given him no reason to feel suspicion towards them - Seems like you have a low self image, fix that. .
  5. ‘She is the reason I get up every morning’ - Most people will react to that with, ‘ah, so cute!!’ but no man, it’s pathetic. Love your girl that’s what she deserves from you - ‘love’. BUT, don’t revolve your entire existence around her. She’s a part of your reality, not the center of it. .
  6. Get rid of the possessiveness and territorial behavior - As men, we are biologically wired with the need to be in ‘possession’ of everything to feel secure. Men are particularly attached to their homes because of this possessive territorial instinct. But, if you do that with the girl - quit frankly, you’ll soon see her walk away. .
  7. Avoid Controlling Behavior - She has her own life, you have your own. Don’t try to be her dictator. She’ll only bear you dictatorship for a while until her tolerance setpoint snaps. Don’t tell her what and what not to do. .
  8. Your past is irrelevant - You ex was a different person, the girl you’re in a relationship with right now is a different person. Your present girlfriend is not your ex. Stop thinking as though she is. . Quiet frankly man, she has every just reason TO leave you: a). You’re controlling b). You’re clingy c). You’re insecure d). You’re reactive e). You’re over possessive f). You’re emotionally weak g). You’re doubtful and you lack trust for her h). You’re being a creep by asking her to cut out her best friend of years i). You read too much into every small thing j). You fight with her over petty issues k). You have low self esteem and think that the other guy is better than you
    Plus a million other things. . Even then when she chooses to overlook all that and stick with you, can’t you see the elusive obvious? . If she had to go with him, she’d have gone long before when you started behaving like a creep. But she didn’t. Because she loves you. Can’t you see that, man? . And EVEN if suppose she does choose to go with him, what can you do about that? - Can you stop her? . If she does anything you consider ‘unacceptable’, be ruthless about cutting her out of your life. There are more girls, she’s not the only girl in the world. BUT, until she doesn’t, until she has given you no reason to not trust her, DO trust her and DO give her the love she deserves from you. Cause if you can’t trust her, the relationship’s going to detonate. . The three pillars of a relationship are:
  9. Honesty
  10. Trust
  11. Respect Any one of those shake and the relationship crumbles. . –Andrew . * I know my way of speaking was very brutally blunt and piercing. But, I, in no way intended to offend you, brother. If I would have tried to be nice, It wouldn’t have been possible for me to speak bluntly. . Tip: The gateway to suffering is trying to control people and circumstances outside yourself. Stop making yourself suffer. Anything outside yourself is not under your control, accept that.
Answer #7

Kaheelee is right. You are insecure about this. It is not irrational. She is also correct about getting to know him as a friend. You will soon discover what this guy is about. He probably has some kind of secret reason for wanting to be close to her. It probably isn’t even what you think it is. Perhaps he has difficulty making friends or something. Only with an open mind and heart will you discover the friend she has in him.

Answer #8

If she knew him before you and wanted to be with him she would be. You would think. I believe that two reasonably attractive people cannot spend a lot of time together (assuming they enjoy doing so) without there being some kind of sexual tension. He might be homosexual.

Answer #9

I agree with what you said and I’m going to do what i can to fix the problem. Another problem I have is that she doesn’t pay attention to me she pays more attention to her friends when I’m around.

Answer #10

There is nothing wrong with her paying a lot of attention to her friends…she would be smothering you if she was focusing on you all the time. I have a similar attitude about relationships. I recently discovered that I have to focus on and enrich my own life outside of my romantic life. In her mind you do not define her as a person. She will admire you more if you grow as a person and still make time for her when you can. Besides, you are still young. Not only will you meet other people but you will find that achieving your personal goals are what is most important right now. Trust me. I learned all this the hard way.

Answer #11

You’re jealous…and thats a problem. Thats her best friend and the firsting you should know is a girl isnt gonna give up her best friend over a jealous guy. Have faith in your relationship and learn to trust her…a best friend is a best friend and it is sooooooo completly wrong to just ditch then for soneone you lije. If you really like her you’ll try to accept her and her best friends because that makes her happy

Answer #12

And no jealousy isnt cute. I dont know why people think its cute because its not. It just means you dont trust your psrtner or you’re controlling

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