My first love...

Me and my ex boyfriend dated for 2 and 1/2 years. He was my first love and first of everything. I am a freshman at a university and he just graduated from a university. I loved him so much and I loved him more than anything. This is how we dated.

I had a crush on me when I was a freshman in high school but I did not know much about him. I had a crush just for fun and it wasn’t something serious. I added him on yahoo messenger and we just talked randomly but we never met in real life. We happened to meet at a b-day party and we met each other for the first time. I guess we felt attracted toward each other. We dated about 2 weeks after that. We were talking on yahoo messenger and he was like “do you like me?” and I asked back “do you like me?” He said “yes” and I also said yes.

I guess we rushed into a relationship without knowing much about each other. Around that time, I was sad and depressed because my parents were too strict. I didn’t have a social life and much friends. I couldn’t go out. When I started dating him, he was everything to me. Everything. I could die for him. I became a jealous person and a mean person because I was afraid to lose him. I called him and forced him to come over to my house any chance I could.

For him, he was more like a traditional guy and family is important to him. I was his first girlfriend. He didn’t do a lot of things that made me feel special but yet I loved him. He couldn’t spend time with me a lot because of his family and he has to be responsible. At first, his family had a good impression on me because I have a good family and a good girl. Then they started to notice that he came over too much (in their views) but it wasn’t much because I only seen him like 1 or twice a week when he came home from school during the weekends. I always begged him to come over and when he rejected me, I broke up with him and would called him back so often and dialed many times. He started to notice that I really loved him and he stopped caring at one point. He asked me to change but I constantly broke up with him. So often in average of 1 time a week. I tried to change but he always made me feel sad. I felt that he puts everything else before me and didn’t try to do things for me. We never gone on a date.

One time, he tried to breakup with me because he said “I am awkward and not a confident person and I don’t know how to carry myself”. I was broken but we gotten back together because I called him. After that day, he kept on criticize me and always pointed out my flaws. He didn’t try to talk to me and sometimes when we were alone, there wasn’t anything else to do or to talk about except for having sex.

But yet, I loved him despite of the fact the that he always pressuring to change into a mature person and always telling me that he felt embarrassed when he was with me, especially in public. I cried and was so hurting but yet I tried to change. He seemed so careless that he didn’t bother to call me when I waited for him and I started to abuse him. I was so hurt and mad that the only I could do was to hit him and make him feel the pain that I feel. Because I feel that I loved someone without that person loved me back. Yet, I broke up with him and made up.

During the summer of last year, that was my summer before college started. First, we fought because his family was too important to him. After high school graduation, my friends have their bfs to go out and spent an evening with them to celebrate. On the other hand, my ex just bought me flowers and went home after my graduation because of a family party. I think it’s just too ridiculous. We fought and he became so sick of me and broke up with me. He rejected my phone calls and it seemed like his mind was set. I cried and I called him so often and he finally came back to me. It seemed like he was being pushed into the relationship.