what my life is like now ? read and comment?

I had a nice life as a child I had the nicest grand mother in the world (or so i taught ). My grandmother raised me from the minute i was born until i was 18 years old she taught me the values and morals i needed to go through life.

she was my idol i always looked up to her, she had seven children of her own and she raised them by her self she is a very strong woman. she was a primary school teacher but she also did other work on the side to ensure he kids could go school and had good roles in society.

all her kids turned out sucessful had their own families and homes they are all doing well for themselves.

my mother is the second child for my grandmother, my mother had me when she was 20 years old and my dad had no part in my life until i was 15 years old my grandmother was soley responsible for me.

I migrated from my birth country when i was 18 years old to go and live with my mother, to me this was a dream come true.As a child growing up i always imagined what it would be like to live with my mother to have thoes mother and daughter relationships and do things together.(i was in for this shock of my life)

when i landed my mother got me from the airport and i was so excited to see her knowing that i woulf finally be living with her. Two days later i was suppose to sign uop to go to college however she said that she could not take time if from work to help me get into a college anyway he friend daughter showed me around and help me to get into a college. i never thaugh too much of the situation tho because i understand that people had to work to make a living however deep down i taught she could take a few days off to hel[p me get settled in the country.

the second week after i got her we had a huge fight and i moved out to go stay with my aunt i ended up ataying there for more than two years i never saw or talk to my mother in two years. during that two year period i would try to contact her but she would not reply. i cried day and night i went into a state of deep depression and almost killed myself.

I went to visit one of my aunts and i accidently ran into her and i said hi she said hi too. few days later i texted her and i told her to meet me somewhere so we could talk and she said fine however she did not ever felt no pain over what had been going on for two years. I told her i missed her and her reply was ‘you where the one that moved out’’ she look straight at my face starred right into my eyes and said ‘’ I am never wrong’’ I was shock to know that i had a perfect mother. However i was still a litte bit excited to see her again so i did not make anything of what she said.

In summer of 2010 i decided to move back in with her to give our relationship another try. little did i know that this would only make me hate her more. As soon as i moved back i started building up all this anger towards her this was because i was her chikd and over two years she did not try to find out if i was ok or how i was doing. I tried to see something good in her but I could not see anything that i liked in her.

I continued to develope this hetred towards her it made me so angry that one day i went into her room and treatned to kill her and my little sisters. Anyway a few weeks passed and that was resolved i statted to try to forgive her for what she had done to me over those years.

As time goes be I slowly begining to liked her we began to do stuff together and started to enjoy each others company.we would go to the hair dressers together nail salon together we ate together amongst other things.

in 2011 i finishe college i had good grades but by this time i was 20 years old i was searching for a job but i could not get one because of lack of work experience, so i tried to volunteer to gain experience which would make it easier for me to land a job.

littile did i know that the worse was yet to come, As time goes by i started to realised that her attitude towards me started to change she had no respect she speak to me however she wanted she started to treat me like a dog. i would stay in my room and cry everyday and night I had no one to turn to no one would believe me that she was like this, therefore i had no choice but to stay with her and take the emotional abused.

I slowly started to fall back into my depression i would not talk to peopleI would not leave my house for months i would just lock myself in my room and not come out. i would not talk to my mother either because i had so much anger towards her I statted to researched ways of how i could kill myself i would melt pills in water and drink the water but that did not work. i would just have headache but nothing else would happen i was scared to hang or drown myself.

after many unsucessful try i started to pray that god would take my life i prayed that i would go bed and not have to wake up the next day. by this point i had som much anger and hatred in me that i could not even look at my mother. All i wanted was for my mother to like me i would do every thing possible for this woman to like me but everything i did was not appreciated.the more i tried the more i was shut out and treated like dog. recently a guy t ran me down tried attack me i could have lost my life i was so scared nothing like this had ever happened to me in my life. i tried to explain what happened to my mom she jusdt said to me ‘’i dont care’’ i could not believe she said that i taught the fact that she gave birth to me would made her feel al least a little emotion towards me. this made me so angry.

I have now accepted the fact that my mother and I have no chance at a relationship we both need to go out seperate ways i ahve not love in my what so ever towards this woman i honestly feel like if i could kill her and get away with it i would do it . i hate her so much once i leave her sight she will never see me again.

As time goes by I started to post my story online on different websites and people would tell me about their stories and this would help me to not feel so lonely and alone. I could relate to these people I knew what they are going through i could feel their pain and I started to realised that I am not the only one going through pain.

I started to feel less depressed I started to look at a bright side of my life I started to see that i had my own purpose in life. All the energy that i use to put into trying to make my mother like me I stop doing all of that I started to focus more on myself and focusing in getting away from her and i realised that if I keep on focusing on her things would not change.