What to do about this painful relationship?

What prompted me to initiate this entry is simple - my boyfriend or maybe EX-boyfriend is a major prick. We’ve been dating for a few months, and he’s 20 years older. Originally, I was captivated by him..blinded by all the goo-goo-gaa-gaa B.S. that new couples are prone to during the first three months of our relationship. After the honeymoon stage was over, he became very possessive..began calling me all the time to check up on my whereabouts..and began accusing of me of cheating on him (even though we were together every day and every night..LITERALLY). To say the very least, he was harbouring some major baggage. He always expressed insecurities about me leaving him, needed constant reassurance, and believed that I would find someone younger and “better”. I defended myself aimlessly. FOR WHAT? For false accusations, for B.S. drama worthy for the Lifetime Channel? I became exhausted, weary, resentful, and angry. During our first few arguments, I cried. I couldn’t hide the pain. I was a pitiful and embarrassing mess. What was worse was that he’d prey on my tears and condescended me more when he’d find me weak. I didn’t know who was standing in front of me, but this condescending-selfish-manipulative-egomaniacal maniac wasn’t the man I fell in love with. In early May, I was laid off from my corporate 9-5 and trying to find new employment. Granted, I had more time on my hands. I was raised to be an independent, educated, headstrong, and intelligent career woman..but I was left vulnerable and in shock. For the first time in 8 years, I found myself without a job. I spent every day with him. He wanted me to become more dependent on him..and I began to feel more trapped. During our last few arguments though, I realized that I was too strong minded, kind, loving, and sweet natured to be a character in his ridiculous, delusional mind. I no longer cried. I fought back. I regained my confidence and looked within myself to find fulfillment and observe my situation with clear eyes and a clear heart. I knew I could walk away without any regrets because I gave myself to him completely..no games..no baggage from previous relationships..and no insecurities..WHEN THINGS WERE GOOD, THEY WERE GREAT. One argument would pummel me so much emotionally, that I felt like I was on the rollercoaster ride from hell. I told him that I was too good of a woman to tolerate this nonsense; defending and proving myself to him like an inmate on death row. I advised him that he could either trust me, believe in me, and speak to me respectfully -OR- he could go to hell. Furthermore, I informed him that he had some serious issues drawn from his insecurities, not from his actual love for me. He accused me of acting like a baby. Just because I am in my twenties doesn’t mean that I am any less intelligent or mature than any forty year old woman he’s dated. I may be the most intelligent woman he’s ever dated. Because he’s of a hispanic background, he admitted that he’s used to dating women that are dependent and with him 24/7. I told him that I’d rather hang my unemployed booty naked from a tree prior to depending on him financially for anything. No really..I said that. After I began displaying that I was a ROCKSTAR biatch who wouldn’t be reckoned with, he began to call me less and placed less pressure on me to be with him 24/7. Now the clincher - He planned a weekend trip (me, him, and his daughter). A few hours before the trip, my car was vandalized by some punks who sought entertainment in taking baseball bats to the rear windshields of every car down an entire city block (in front of his house). I know, I know. WHAT WINNERS! He doesn’t live in the best neighborhood either. I was determined to get my windshield replaced prior to the trip. I certainly wasn’t going to leave it in his garage so I could think about it all weekend. While he looked disappointed, I didn’t think he was mad at me. I definitely reassured him that we could still go later in the afternoon. He insisted that he no longer wanted to go and was wishy washy about cancelling the trip. After I shelled out $400 to get my windshield replaced one hour outside of the city, I called him twice around 2:00. No response until 4:30. “Do you still want to go on the trip?”, he asks. WHAT THE F**? “Sure”, I replied. I just needed to drive back to my condo, leave enough food and water for my dog, and I’d be on my way. Upon arriving to my condo, I realized that my dog hurled all over my couch. More drama. More B.S. I didn’t arrive at his house until 7:30 p.m. As soon as I walked in the door, I am confronted by a look of animosity and a face so condescending I was disgusted. He ultimately blamed me for the trip falling through. I was in disbelief. He accused me of not really wanting to go on the trip and not really wanting to spend time with him. He told me I should have waited to get my car fixed..and worst of all that I disappointed his daughter. He ridiculed me and accused me of using any excuse I could to get out of going on this trip. I apologized for his disappointment, but at the same time was disgusted by his selfishness and inconsideration for me. Again, he reared his ugly head of insecurities. While a smart man would have tried to constructively resolve the issue, he began cruising the internet right in front of my face. I kissed him on the cheek and said goodbye. He called me a few minutes later to apologize for my car and for all the problems he “created”. I was so infuriated at this point that I could have jacked him in the face. His apology no longer mattered to me. I was so resentful of his insecurities that I wanted to vomit. We began fighting again, and we spent at least one hour on the phone arguing. My cell battery eventually died, and I hurried back to my condo to recharge my phone. As soon I plugged it in, he called and asked me what happened. I informed him that my cell battery died. “Weren’t you going to call me back?”, he asked. With an equally cocky demeanor, I told him that I definitely planned to. He then invited me to his mom’s house for dinner that night. I rejected his invitation and said I didn’t think it would be a good idea because I was so upset. He began playing dominoes with his family (and was distracted), so I decided to discontinue the conversation. He responded with, “I’ll see you later.” I haven’t heard from him since. That was Saturday close to midnight, it’s now Monday. Was it my fault that the trip fell through? Although I am mostly confident that it wasn’t, I can’t help but second myself. Did I over-exaggerate? I’m not going to call him as I’m seriously considering ending the relationship..but why hasn’t he called me? I feel that it is best to walk away and give him time to miss me although I know that I can’t change him. I can’t help but feel that he’s trying to make me think about him and miss him also..which I do..but not enough to call him. Or maybe he’ll just never call me again? I want your opinions. What do you think? I know he’s undeserving of me, but I would really appreciate some additional perspectives. Thanks guys!

Answer #1

You are a very beautiful woman. Or perhaps I should say lady. It’s no wonder he acts so insecure, he’s most likely intimidated by your extraordinary good looks. You are obviously also intelligent and there for a couple minutes I was afraid I was reading one of those “shaggy dog stories” that have no ending, no climax. Guess I’m a little pessimistic. Maybe you’re too young to know about shaggy dog stories but after you vented most of your frustrations you seemed to have answered your own questions. I think you know what you should do and I doubt if you will get any better advice here than you can give to yourself. You are definitely a self supporting, self reliant woman and I doubt if you’ll ever be in harmony with some control freak of a man. But love can do funny things to people and it sounds like you’ve fallen in love with someone you thought you would never have allowed to happen. Here’s wishing you the best life has to offer, including happiness, love and good fortune. Cheers!

Answer #2

Honestly i think he is either cheating on you or he has been cheated on by his ex and taking it out on you. Get rid of him, you deserve a hell of alot better in life and being with him will bring you now where but down. Go have fun and live life, bot with that jerk.

Answer #3

I don’t understand how he can have SO much time to lavish you with, considering that he has a daughter. What a guy. Anyhow, just as cmw4562 said.

“You ARE Woman.”

And you don’t have time to play cards with the likes of him :)

Answer #4

Be happy with that you could throw off this obsessive relationship. I think you two behaved the same “ill” in it. So it is time to end I and find a more tolerant and much less possessive man for you.

Answer #5

Basically, any relationship that creates alot of emotional stress and leaves you feeling as though you are in an emotional hole that you cannot climb out of, is not worth it.

You are woman.

You have proven that you are strong enough to walk away.

You walk away and you find a new job and you go on with life.

You deserve better. Much Much Better.

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