I want him BACK!

I met Brian about 3 and a half years ago…. When I first met him he was not my type at all, he was tall, skinny, in a band, a little gothic and really shy and awkward. He had the biggest crush on me but to me he was nothing more than a friend. For some reason we lost touch in August. Then in January I started thinking about him and all the fun times we had together and I missed having him as my friend. So I looked up his band website and found his email address. I sent him an email and he wrote me back right away saying how much he missed me. We finally hung out a month later. I changed a lot in those couple of months I haven’t seen him for; I dyed my hair from blonde to brown, started college full-time, and gained a little weight (thanks freshman 15)…. When I saw him again it was as if we never stopped being friends, everything was back to normal. Except I found myself actually falling for him!!!!! He seemed different, a little more confident, a little more stylish, a little more I don’t know exactly what it was. He seemed to really like me and we he still did all the cute stuff he used to like putting blankets on the roof and staying up until the sunrise, or making me breakfast. But we still didn’t sleep together because I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. So finally after a few months of just hanging out and making out we finally slept together. And I really screwed up, before we did it I said “I don’t want to make this weird, this is just sex and we are just friends”. I don’t know why I said that but I did.. In reality all I wanted to do was be with and only him.. But it was my way of protecting myself from getting hurt. After the sex it got “weird” I was being weird I cared so much about him and he had no idea. He had no idea that I loved him and I was getting frustrated that he wasn’t acting like a boyfriend but what can I expect I made it this way. Long story short I stopped talking to him for a few months. And then I emailed him again and we hung out, I drank too much and made an ass of myself and he got a little mad with me. So I disappeared again. Then I sent him an email and we started hanging out again… But then I disappeared again. I ran into him again 2 months ago at a local hangout and he hugged me and said he missed me….but what did I do, I left as fast as I could…. And the minute I walked outside I started crying. I love him so much, he is all I think about and he doesn’t even know it. Last month was his birthday so I sent him an email wishing him a happy birthday but this time he didn’t write anything back. I don’t know what to do? I really screwed this up… but I need to get him back… I want him back but I don’t want to do anything that will make me feel vulnerable… please help!!!!!