I'm trying to spill my heart here...

his name is john, we met my shopmore year… at first I didn’t like him but as I got to know him and gave him a chance, I fell in love… we had a wonderful beginning, I was so happy and everything was going smooth like in any relationship… things hit rock bottom when my father found out we had lost our virginity to each other… I protected h im, stood up for him, and got beat up by my dad for it… but I didn’t care, I was doing anything possible to keep me and john together forever just like we once planned… my dad would cool down and other times he’d lash out at the both of us making it almost impossible to be together… when things finally settled down for good, things were never the same as they were in the beginning… it seemed as if he had a thing for his ex girlfriend at times and then we’d fight over it… we argued about other stupid nonsense things too… till the point we just couldn’t handle it and broke it off… we went through about 3 or 4 break ups…we lasted only 1 year and 6 months… recently I had found out he dated his ex right after me which totally broke me into a million pices even though I already knew he had a thing for her still, it’s one thing having a feeling about it and it’s another to have it proven… :[ but they broke up and now here we are having fun like we use to.. hanging out… we kiss… he do things… but we’re not together… he doesn’t want to be with me cause he says he’ll hurt me… he doesn’t know that for sure… it’s all in the choices he makes…he says we’ll end up fighting again, but I can asure him we’ll be as we are now with no more nonsenes… I am still so in love with him… sure the other girl may be in love with him, but I am certain she doesn’t love him as much as I do.. for the fact that me and john went through a whole lot together… he was there every time I needed to feel safe… we have a history that is not worth throwing away… I love him so much with all my heart… I know what’s best for me, but I want him instead… I don’t care about anyone else… he is the only one for me… the only one that understands the me that I am… the person I want to spend the rest of my living years with is HIM… and I have no idea how to explain this to him… can somebody please help me…