I feel so depressed and suicidal

I felt that way recently, I was always energetic and happy etc. I lost interest on everything and everyone. I would rather sleep all the time and and just feel lifeless and would set goals and I always failed to keep them. I would start reading I couldn’t pass the first paragraph I would never talk to anyone about my feelings, there was no answer for me, even to exist was hard. Til my health was getting real bad, I had fallen apart mentally and physically, well you get the picture. I made a rough life for myself All my muscles were always aching, I mean intense pain, So that brought me to see a doctor and he asked about my pain, since I wasn’t doing anything athletic or working hard there was no reason for such pain. When I mentioned all I did was sleep he recommended anti-depressants which I started taking, ( I was one not to believe on anti-depressant ) I started to take them mainly for the reason that he had asked to see me again for a follow up I was happy that someone had actually asked to see me again.I been slow process but it’s working.Now I have been off the meds so I am doing most of my improvements on my own. I have begun setting goals and I feel good, promising feelings for myself. I guess what helped me was that I realized I do love myself. You can’t do things for anyone else you have to offer it to yourself first, so when you do want to do something for others they will feel the specialness you offer to them and you will always feel good. I guess to narrow it down you have to open up and talk to someone. I have a lot of loved ones but I never felt encouraged or felt they were being honest, I would never get honest answers because they love you too much they don’t want to hurt you, even though they can see everything about you a mile away.Sunrays are so important to anyone that is depressed, it offers so much it helps balance your brain and much more. Life is precious as I mentioned before healing is a slow process but you can pick up on everything you were letting pass you by. Good - luck