I cant,get over my ex wife

man im sorry ive been divorced for 3 years and still struggle with this. u get to the point that part of u love her and part of u hate her. the pain does ease but in my case it has been taken over by bitterness. when o women does that she will do it again, dont have any pity on her at all, if u have kids draw close to them and have fun with them even if u have to make yourself. I fight deppression and bitterness everyday, but to hell with her, if she cared about u she would not have done this. dont play there games, document everything they do and get a lawyer when the times comes and take her ass to the cleaners. just hang in there i know its not easy but what else r u gone do , u have to keep going. dont compromise with her at all, stick to your rights and your divorce papers, cause i promise u this one day she will regret it all. your not alone

I have no answers - dated 7 years and married 19 years so 26 years together and she came home last year and said out of the blue “I love you but I am not in love with you.” She said I was a fantastic husband, a fantastic provider (big house, 2 horses, swimming pool and 100k+ a year every year for the last 10 years) and the most amazing father. I loved her with all my heart (still do) yet she has in the last year treated me like dirt. I bought every book of the internet, did absolutely everything to get us back together and am now just 6 days away from the decree absolute. She wants us to be best friends but I just want to jump on a plane and never come back. Their is no one else - she just wants to be a single woman of 47. She also wants a tattoo, hates the house, the cravan and the horses. She dresses like a 19 year old and now goes every friday noght out to the pub with her girlfriends until closing time (around 1200pm) when beofre she used to be curled up on the sofa watching tv by 9pm. If there is one saving grace it is that whilst I was out one day she sat all three of our kids down (15, 13 and 10) and said she is leaving me and asked them who they would like to live with. Thankfully both the older boys said DAD and then my daughter felt sorry for her and said MUM. So that changed the dynamics and instead of the 4 bed detached house she wanted whilst I rented a flat she moved out with our daughter and accepted 50/50 financialy so money wise I have not been taken to the cleaners. But you know and I know - I would give all the tea in china to have her back. We were the closest of couples, everyone said so. People just cannot believe what has happened. Heck - I still cant! Of all the people I know this should not be happening to us. But it is and I am really struggling with it. The problem I am having in moving on is that she keeps jerking my chain. I made the effort and had a couple of dates with a youger girl and my wife said that she thought with time and space we could have got back together so I dropped the other girl! needless to say we have not got back together. She keeps coming round and depsite me syaing that I dont want to be best friends in a divorce she wont let me go and try to get over her - she says she wants more time. Its 15months - how much does she need? And the divorce cost me my job as CEO of a global company. I nearly lost the house, am mortgaged up to the hilt but as I say I am lucky in that the boys stuck by me and I will never let any of my kids down. So despite (and I am ashamed to say it) actually driving to a well known suicide spot and leaving letters for everyone I thought about my kids and stepped back from the edge and know now I will never do that. I could go on and on about the things she has done but - and its pathetic really - I would take her back in an instance. I knwo it wont happen - she has mentally checked out - she says she wanted out 5 years ago but says she waited until she went back to work and had a network of new friends and money. I honestly dont know this person anymore - she looks the same but the things she says and the way she acts is completely alien to me. The hope I have is that good things happen to good people. I am kind, generous, loving and fun. I never sleep around, I am loyal and committed. If that isnt enough for her then I trust it will be for soemone else one day. Sorry I cant help anyone here much at the moment - just needed to get this off my chest. Take care everyone. N

My answer is similar… I’m out after 13 years of being the devoted husband who did all the man jobs and never cheated…and loved my woman with all my heart… and still do… as soon as I left the house for what I thought would be a short week and give her some time to cool off after a period of coldness that she brought on…and I come to find out she calls up an old high school sweetheart and has been talking to him for a month every night, while I thought I was giving her space and we were ignoring each other… now she wants nothing to do with me… no dinner… no talking… wont return calls etc… and she is the one who supposedly wants a divorce… and I am in limbo… and cant stop thinking about her or especially another person even thinking about touching my wife… and she says its over, and I think she is looking for that emotional connection in this other person, that I never gave… and now its too late… trouble moving on is not the word for it… and counseling although it gave me some good questions to mull over… like…:What do you really love about that person? What brought you together in the first place? Why did you stay together for so long? What do you really miss about her? etc etc.. .and they are hard to answer, but if you think about them truthfully, you will find, that if one person wasn’t happy then the other one probably wasn’t totally happy either, its the loss, that you are trying to get over… or in my case the rejection… it hurts… like a knife in my chest sometimes with the added stirring action like its literally ripping my insides out…, then others its like a tingly feeling that doesn’t really feel good at all… the best thing I found to do is BREATHE!!! take a deep breath and hold it… and pushups until you drop are a good way to get out aggression and your friends will understand… don’t worry! Anyone need more advice or want to chat… write back here…keep this thread going…

hey bob6744! don’t worry dude. I used to think my problem is smaller but looking at your prblm made me realize that more worse things cud also happen in life. I was married and divorced my wife immediately after 4 months. same story like urs. when I confronted my wife abt dis, she told me its all ovr and askd for divorce. she didnt bother to communicate or clarify the issue. all of sudden the gal(my ex wife) I loved most, I saw another face of her.I was in deep shock and still feel hurt that “why she did this to me?” I guess people are just like that. you should b glad that you found out truth. I know its too late to find that truth esp after 23 years. all I can say is that there are some types of women that can nvr change. you can nvr trust those gals.

in your case, the best thing wud to forgive her and move on. pray to God that He gives her right direction in life. your bitterness and angryness wont get you anywhere.it will kill you frm inside. find another gal in your life and time is great healer. ull feel btr aftr smtime. yes love hurts a lot. because I loved my wife so much that is beyond any words. you feel more hurt when sm people cheat you n leave you in middle. but I have full faith in God, He will hv smthin btr for me in life.

I wish i could help!

This is one such topic im not qualified to comment on…. I am in a similar position, I spend every waking moment thinking of her! I also see her driving or out with her new man, i dont want to ramble on because ill type for days….. my point is mate, the pain doesnt go away for a long time. 18 months down and im still crippled with sadness I guess i just want to say that your not alone mate, hang in there, I dont care what advice you get about moving on… tried that one and it doesnt work, also ignore the whole,make her jealous advice… that doesnt work either! Time is the only thing i can suggest, i still hurt but the pains more bearable. The main thing is YOUR NOT ALONE. Their are good guys out there like yourself who have been hurt. May i suggest, instead of driving your friends spare with your depression ( i know i did_) try speaking to a counsillor, they are far more qualified for this sensitive subject than any one of us on this site. Sometimes you may not even need advice, just someone to listen. Please feel free to reply back…. god knows its not easy.

gravis

hello friend im in a similar situatuion but 5 years 2 kids and she is pregnant, love my kids love her want her to come home but she doesnt. talking to someone on myspace sounds like growing love. which kills me everyday. I have to see her to see kids so im its like groundhog day to me. feel your pain your not alone.

Guy’s hang in there I dated my wife for 6 years before I married her. we were married for almost a year and now we just can not get along. We split up and I’m trying to get over her. It’s hard I know. Just hang in there though, just remember time heals everything.

The same thing happened to me after 24 years. It has only been a couple of months and my counselors advice is not to let any other person have that much control over your emotions, you must stay in charge of your own happiness. The one thing I have had to do is to tell her to quit emailing me, she basically wanted me to be her best friend whilst she was sleeping with another man. I had to put an end to that. I agree with drawing your children close and the commitment I have made to myself is the next 10 years will be the best in my life.