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How should I support this?

Hi. Living at home is simply unbearable anymore. My mom and dad constantly fight and hurt each other, as well as verbally abuse me and “punish” me (e.g. not allowing me to get my driver’s license or buy my own car) as a result of me trying to stop them. I’m 17 and very smart- 95+ in every class and I’m in the honors program (harder classes). I’ve come up with this plan to keep all my belongings and money in my school lockers, and now that the weather will be warm for the next 6 months, I feel I can live on my own by going to school each day, buying my own food at the nearby deli, and sleeping outdoors. I have enough money to support this, but not enough for my own apartment or motel room. First, is there anything I’ve overlooked? Second, how should I go about sleeping outdoors each day?

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Answer #1

Lets suppose you can do this for the next 6 months without being assaulted, robbed, beaten up or killed, where are you going to sleep? Shower? Brush your teeth? Go to the bathroom? Wash your clothes? Keep your stuff? You can only be on school property between certain hours. How are you going to get your clothes? Where are you going to go to the bathroom or shower? How are you planning on studying? You’re going to walk around with a sleeping bag and clothes? Because no one is going to notice that? And you think your parent arent going to notice you’re gone? I’m sorry, there’s delusional, and then there’s ridiculous. Exactly how long do you suppose your money is going to last you? And what happens when the weather turns cold? So you’ve got a plan for 6 months. Then what? Unfortunately, my parents wont allow me to get my driver’s license or buy my own car is well not a good enough excuse to have you removed from the home. Running away, however, is a good enough excuse to have you thrown into juvie… If they are hitting you, then you need to call child protective services. Otherwise, you need to stick it out, graduate, and then figure out a way to support yourself.

Answer #2

Unfortunately, at the age of 17, Child Protective Service will be very hesitant to get involved, unless your physical abuse is leaving bruises or other marks. Even then, at your age, it is unlikely they will remove you from the home because, simply, there are very few foster homes which would accept a boy your age. If you are indeed being physically abused, the Police are the better option.

Sometimes, grandparents or uncles/aunts can provide a safe place for you to sleep/live for a few weeks, until you can sort out things.

According to your profile, you will turn 18 in a few months. However, it seems to me you might not have the maturity required to live on your own, or even with friends (most 18-year-olds don’t have the necessary maturity).

Part of the problem is that 17-year-old boys do indeed “have an attitude” (I know; I’m a foster dad, and have raised 31 boys in my home). So, whether you realize it or not, your attitude is contributing to the problem in the house. You might not realize it but, as I said, I’ve raised 31 boys, and have seen the 17-year-old attitude problem 31 different times.

I commend your hard work in school, as evidenced by your impressive scores. But I would strongly advise against just running away from the problem. Real men find rational solutions to their problems and don’t run from them.

Can you tell me if you have grandparents or uncles/aunts living nearby, who might be willing to let you stay in their home a few weeks?

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