How can me and my boyfriend make up our minds about having a baby?

me and my boyfriend are thinking of having a baby but are unsure if we want to make up our minds and agree on what we should do. please give us ideas we would really appreciate it thanks!

Answer #1

Ponypal maybe I’m more mature and I don’t want to party and get wasted trust me I’ve been threw all of that believe it or not I use to get drunk and party all the time maybe not legally but I did and I would love to be tied down and make my choices based on what my baby needs I hate having it be just the two of us all the time and so does Brandon. I know what it takes to be a good mother I have done it before and I can do it again and for you jlw82 Yes I did ask for ideas not his opinion on if I should have a baby I asked for ideas on how we make up our minds like sitting down and talking about it balancing out the risks and things like that not his opinion of I’m going to be a terrible mother and I’m going to screw up all of our lives and my question is as clear as day it’s not should me and my boyfriend have a baby at 14? it’s how can we make up our minds about having a baby? see the difference? again think about the simple question before you comment

Answer #2

it’s how can we make up our minds about having a baby?

I am assuming then that the baby is already on the way.

Look at your whole life and not just the life you have right now.

Then look at the baby’s whole life. What kind of life does that baby deserve.

Take a calculator and go to the grocery store and add up everything a family of three needs to survive, then multiply by 52. Then take out the apartment section of the paper and find the cost of the apartment and multiply by 12. Finally add $300 multiplied by 12 for basic utilities and $300 multiplied by 12 for extras such as clothes and emergency’s. If you think you’ll need a car then look that up too and don’t forget your car insurance. Add that up. If you can afford the baby financially then move on to step 2 if not then say no, not right now. Step 2 - Ask yourself what you want to do with your life? Is there anywhere in the world you want to go or anything other then being a parent you want to accomplish? If yes, then schedule that in before parenthood. My point was parenthood is not something you have to do immediately. The clock doesn’t start ticking until you reach your late 30’s. But once you do it you limit your options for so many other things. If the baby is already on the way there are options. You can have an open adoption and still be a part of the babys life. What ever you do you do not want to make a decision you end up regreting and then have your child grow up knowing you regret having it.

Answer #3

dont have them all they do is poop and eat and cry and then when there old enough to stop doing that which is aroung 6 yers old then they just talk alll the time and get in trouble and make messes and then when there teenagers they do all of the above and hate you at the same time

Answer #4

My boyfriend and I have a baby girl. She wasnt planned, so it was a shock. Well, being a mom is hard work and costs a lot of money sometimes, I doubted if we would of made it but we did:) I love her to death but if I could go back, I would change it. So even though babies are cute and fun to be around, they are a lot of hard work and it takes a lot of time out of your day. So please thank about it long&hard and whatever you and your boyfriend decide;Good Luck:D

Answer #5

If you REALLY think it is the best choice, you’re 1000% financially secure, DO have means of transportation, are SURE that this man (with same name as mine!) is the one for you, and can 1000000% ensure a loving, fun, healthy environment for the baby, then you might be ready to consider it. It’d be easier yet if you lived with someone, but I suppose that’s not always an option. I wish you the best of luck; let me know how things turn out!

Answer #6

Ponypal if the baby was already on the way I wouldn’t be asking I would start saving up my 700 dollars I get a week so I can take care of him lets say for now because I would ever kill an tiny baby that hasn’t had the time to live a life or put him in an orphanage in the u.s because they are cruel and I have witnessed the abuse that happens around there and I already have a house yes a house of my own and I have about 500,000 dollars in my bank account from my work and the insurance I got when my parents died and I have a motorcycle that has insurance already on it and if I do lose the house all I have to do is move into old man Windslow’s Victorian and by my 20’s my doctor says I might not be able to have kids because by then my reproductive system will be in its 40’s and I plan on having 3 kids before then and I have done everything I want to do that can’t be done with a child but things like camping and hiking and mountain bike riding can be done with a child because we have done it before.

Answer #7

Let me think. If you have to come online and ask a bunch of strangers to figure out whether you’re ready to have a baby. You’re not… Please, do not make an innocent being suffer because of your immaturity, selfish needs, lack of foresight, I dunno… whatever it is that makes a teenager think that despite their lack of education, ability to provide, poor judgement, think that they are going to be absolutely wonderful parents… because you’re not. No, you’re not going to be the exception to every rule, no your kid is not going to be just fine, no your boyfriend is not going to be the one in a million to stick around.

I really have to wonder how badly your parents have messed up that you think this is okay.

Answer #8

well you have to think of the basics I mean its going to be a lot for the clothes for the years going by and the toys I would if I was married but thats my opinion but if you really think you can go through with it and if you both love eachother that much than go for it but just incase tell your parents first for their advice aswell cause they’ve been threw it

hope it helps if you do get pregnant then conrgads

Answer #9

think hard! Are you guys mature enough? do you have time for a baby? do you have enough money? You do not want a baby if 1 is not checked off. Babies are precious and they need a lot of attention. :) Glad I could help!

xoxo Alleen xoxo

Answer #10

okay,all the people on here that are talking crap about you being young and whatever are stupid.their opinions dont all. its what you think youd be better off with.and I suggest flipping a coin,if you flip it and feel a deep remorse about the answer,then do the other one.just remember that its YOUR choice.not jerks on the internet that say your too young.

Answer #11

You should ask your question under “health”. Obviously there are mutiple medical issues that need to be considered.

Answer #12

How can anyone answer your question suitably if you do not clarify what you are not sure about? No-one can produce a baby for you two.

Answer #13

You’re barely 14 years old, so I think that counts as reasons 1-1,000 to not have a baby. Also, you asked for ‘ideas’ for making up you and your boyfriends’ minds on having a baby or not. That’s the answers you got. Ideas stating it isn’t a good idea, for many reasons, all of which are true. You usually won’t be told just what you want to hear on FA, you ask for opinions and advice, and you get opinions and advice from different viewpoints, but when you ask if a 14 year old should have a baby with her boyfriend, most people are going to have the same viewpoint. If that isn’t the question you meant to ask, try rewording it and asking again.

Answer #14

Do you want to be tied down to another being who is constantly needing something from you? As a mother no decision you make is based on what you want to do. You always have to do what is best for your child. I suggest that if you and your boyfriend are going to comit to be together forever then I would wait on the baby and spend your youth having fun as you have all the time in the world to start a family. Ask yourself if you want to wait until you are 50 to party.

Answer #15

Ty I wasn’t asking your opinion on ether I will be a good parent or not or if I’m going to screw up or not. and I asked these complete strangers because everyone around me is catholic and dew to my experience with Catholics the majority of them would shun me for even having sex so what do you think would happen is a 14 year old pagan came up to one of them and asked how I should talk to my boyfriend about this and just like you did they would think I was ask IF we should have a baby which is simply not what I was asking so before you comment or try to give advise think if you could be so troubled to about what the person is really asking because it was out there in plan sight you just desisted to act upon what you think which in your case isn’t the best idea.

Answer #16

No you’re not ready. You’re what? 13? 14? Even if you were mature for your age, you wouldn’t fit any criteria for ‘adult’.


Answer #17

Good for you, But remember, babies are a lot of work, and a lot of money. I wouldn’t recommend trying for a baby until you have your own house, and you and/or your boyfriend have sturdy wages and savings.

Answer #18

I’m going to try my best to understand the question and answer it to the best of my ability without offense and/or judgment. I have read the previous posts and agree your question is a little confusing so I’m going to try to answer the two or three questions that I believe you could possibly be asking. You can take whichever pieces of advice answer your question or leave them all alone. Just please understand I’m not out to get you and when you respond to everyone with snide remarks it makes people not want to help you. If you are thinking about having a child as young as you are then you need to get ready for some opposition because not everyone is going to support you and some people WILL be mean.


  1. If you’re asking how you and your boyfriend (Brandon, I believe you said) can decide if you want to have a child then the two of you together need to make sure you look at all angles as follows:

First, you need to think about expenses (of course). You mentioned you have money in the bank, terrific! But it won’t last. Little things add up very quickly. Ponypal makes a very good point and her break down of expenses is pretty spot on so take a good long look over it and see if it’s something you have the means to support.

Second, you mention you have a motorcycle with insurance, another terrific for you! However, you cannot put a baby carrier on a motorcycle and even if you sell it and get a car, you can’t drive because you are not old enough. Having a child with no means of transportation is a very, very difficult thing to handle. You will have a difficult time getting to the doctor while you’re pregnant and after the baby is born. Also with motherhood comes a lot of errands. Running those errands is hard to do with no means of transportation. I know that sounds silly, but it will play a very big part in your life.

Third, what will you do about school? Daycare is very expensive and it seems to me that you want this child because you want a family. If that is so, I imagine you would want to be home to take care of your new bundle of joy. How can you do that if you are in school? Is it fair to your baby to raise him/her for the first 3-4 years of his/her life in a daycare? I’m sure you’ve considered dropping out but is that fair to you? Or to Brandon? Also consider all of the things that can go wrong. You seem to have a lot on your side (the money, house, etc) however things happen that we don’t expect. You never know when you may have to go to work to support yourself and your family. Finding a job now-a-days is very difficult without at least a high school education. You need that diploma for your fall back incase things don’t go as planned.

Fourth, you say you have a house. Yayy! I know some people who didn’t have their first house until they were in their late 20’s. Once again though there is a ‘but’. You mention if you lose the house you can move into Windslow’s Victorian. I’m not sure what/where that is but (told you it was coming :)) what if that doesn’t work out either? How will you get your OWN house? Most places wont even let you rent unless your at least 18. Having a house also comes with other responsibilities because you have to keep it up. (Just as a side note, having your own house will make it harder still to get around while you don’t drive)

Next, comes the responsibility of tending to a child. This will require a lot of patience and maturity, both with the baby and each other (yourself and Brandon) you will have to work together to make decisions about how your baby should be raised. The two of you will have to discuss things openly and honestly in order to make the best decisions for your baby. Make sure this is something you are mature enough to do. You may have the book smarts on raising a child but do you have the common sense too?

Sixth, how will this affect how you and Brandon care for each other? Having a baby puts a lot of stress on the parents and that in turn affects the relationship between Mommy and Daddy. You will have to make time for yourself, Brandon, and now the baby. Plus all the other things and people in a day. Being “tied down” is not a bad thing. The best part of my day is coming home to my love and being a family, but just realize that people change and you both have a lot of changing and growing up to do. I’m not saying you will break up or regret your decision, I’m not saying that at all. But realize no matter how mature you are or how much you love each other, you are both going to change a lot in the next few years, because you are young and still have growing up to do. How you think, feel, believe, and act will all change and there is no getting around it.

Seventh, this will be hard socially because your decision to have a child so young will be frowned upon. You and Brandon will both be ridiculed and harassed. Make sure you’re prepared to face that.

I’ve covered everything I can really think of at the moment. You need to sit down together and discuss all of these situations and scenarios and decide how you can/will handle them all. If the answer to each situation is a good one, move onto if you WANT all of this, and then if it has to be right NOW or if it can wait just a few years. I know you said your biological clock is a few minutes ahead, but consider if it is something that could at least wait until your 18. Being a “legal” adult who has graduated from school will make things that much easier for you, Brandon, and your baby. And I know you said you want three children, but have you considered adoption? There are so many children with no family and you mentioned your parents have passed, my deepest apologies, but I’m sure that you can relate to those children who don’t have parents of their own.

I suppose after all that, if want my actual opinion (though I’m sure you don’t ) with everything considered I’d wait until you are 16 at the earliest so you will be able to do things for yourself at least.

I hope was a little bit helpful.


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