How can I deal with rape?

I’ve been raped twice. The first one was at a house party and there were several people of whom I only know one and it was the most violent experiance I’ve had so far, and it broke me. The second time I did everything he said. I’ve told two different people about one of the incidents. My ex left me wheni said about it and that ripped me apart even more. And the other person is fed up of it. Recently I went out with a few friends and got drunk and ended up sleeping with someone, my boyfriend hates me because of it, I keep saying I was taken advantage of , and he jsut doesn’t care. To add to the matter I found out that last night my mates friend tried to kill herself ‘cause of rape. All of this is my fault, and I can’t trust anyone for fear of any adults knowing. Because I don’t want any hassel jsut for it to be over with. Someone help me :/ I jsut don’t know what to do. this was very difficult for me to write so thank you for paying attention to it.