My girlfriend told me something and I got upset about it.

Andrew has a very good answer, but it’s completely one-sided.

Consider that people in a relationship need to be able to deal with issues “together” and make compromises. She drinks … you don’t like that … too bad. Is her casual drinking enough to make you want to end the relationship? Then do so, but don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re going to find someone without flaws. You need to learn to bend a bit, too.

This is not a society where man dictates what woman should do … learn to live with that. If you can’t accept the person you love over a small matter of occasional drinking, what are you going to do when a big problem arises? Run away? If you run away now, you’ll be running away from ever having a lasting relationship.

Compromises, friend … relationships are built upon them.

Exactly. I agree with Miss. Colleen completely. I guess I might have come off wrong. Let me explain. You want to have a definite boundary where you tell her what behaviors you won’t tolerate from her. This is what ANY relationship expert will suggest. But, also, you don’t want to freak out, complain about and dictate her around on every small issue - like I said in my other post. ……………….. However, drinking seemed to be a BIG and DISTURBING issue to you which I could feel you deeply hate. My point was telling you to NOT put up with anything you ‘DEEPLY’ hate - if you do, you’re being a doormat. But if something merely ‘bothers’ you a little. You should just over look it. …………… in a sentence, “Don’t overlook the BIG issues (which you feel are big in your personal opinion) and Don’t sweat the small stuff as well.”

You must intuitively know when you should compromise and when it’s time to put your put down. That’s what building and sustaining healthy relationships come down to :-) - Andrew

She didn’t exactly lie about it. But she said she just said she thought that I knew. I texted her this morning. I know shes still asleep but I sent a long message taking both of your answers into consideration. I’ll let you know what happens when she wakes up.

I’m not forcing her to do anything. I’ve thought that I had a clean good girlfriend for a year and three months. I don

When I figure out that kind of stuff it bummed me out. It’s upsetting. That’s why I’m in this situation. It’s bothering me that i just not figured this out about her and we’ve been together this long.

My opinion: you act as if drinking is the worst possible thing a person could do. So what if she drinks a little bit every now and then when she hangs out with her female friends? Everyone drinks. She has told you what she does and doesn’t do. She knows who to drink around and when to stop. She may have made the honest mistake of thinking she told you when she didn’t. This doesn’t mean she’s “a drinker”. This doesn’t mean she’s not “clean and good”. I agree with what Andrew said about you being weak but no pillars have been shaken. This shouldn’t even be a problem in your relationship. Have a think to yourself. “Do I love her? Does she make me happy? Does this one thing I’m so upset about really affect me or how I feel about her?” If you struggle with the last one, you are the one with the problem here.

So you obviously love this girl or you wouldn’t care that much. Back in high school I was one of those girls who didn’t drink and it was hard because people looked at me differently. So I understand her reasoning for drinking (definitely not justifying….but just looking at it through a different lens). Now I can totally see your point of view also but that is just a part of relationships. If you really love someone, then you have to be able to accept the things you do and don’t like. You seem like a good boyfriend, who just wants a good girlfriend and you are just saddened that you don’t have that like you thought you did. But you may still have that. Just because she drinks doesn’t make her a bad girlfriend. Now if it becomes embarrassing or excessive then you should definitely leave her alone. The most important part of relationships is seeing what you can and cannot deal with. If you can’t deal with the drinking then you should just find someone who doesn’t drink. Someone who sees things through the same lens that you do. So your dilemma right now, is whether you can accept the way she is….because most likely it won’t change. If you can then overlook that flaw, because she already knows how you feel about it and will probably think of you every time she picks up an alcoholic beverage (which can decrease or increase her drinking). If it increases then leave. If it decreases then stay.

I agree as there is no point in staying if she increases and always remember, no body is perfect so if u cant get over this fact its better you move on. Have you ever seen how much she drinks ? she has asked you already so you may check it out!! She didnt try to hide it from you either, so be thankful that at least she is honest with you !