Free-Verse Poem... General knowledge

So this is kinda explaining what had just happened… This guy I was best friends with for ova 4years, just told me he cant be friends anymore, and was really mean about it (because he has a girl friend who is making him neva talk to me again). So, I stayed up all night after I had talked to him, just writing down my feelings, and this is what I came out with… what you think? oh… sorry its so dam* long.. but people say that the ending is worth it… I hope… haha

Don’t Leave Me

When we first met I was always so depressed Nothing worked out for me And I had no friends

I had no one to talk to No one to hug And I had no family I just had no one

I got beaten I’m now always in pain I was always yelled at Everything was my fault

People thought I was weird Because I was home schooled And I didn’t know how to act like everyone else I was just abnormal

Yes, there was some good things in my life But soon or later everything good in my life was taken away

And again I was left with no one and nothing I was just used to life That I could call HELL

It was so bad that I tried suicide But I was just to scared I couldn’t put those pills in my mouth or pull the trigger on that gun

I couldn’t jump off that bridge Or run in front of that high speed car I couldn’t stay in that container And I couldn’t force that knife into my stomach

I had so many plans to die But once they was right in front of me I couldn’t do anything But fall to the ground and cry

And when death was right in my path I just couldn’t let it happen I couldn’t let that person hold me under water And I couldn’t let that man shoot me

Instead I just run Like I run from everything I didn’t belong Not anywhere

But then you entered my life And things were better I told you everything I just let it all fall out

And you listened With a heart full of sorrow You would just sit there with tear filled eyes And picture yourself in that situation

We stayed up late talking And woke up early to talk some more Nothing could hurt me now Not even myself

You gave me confidence for every situation I told you, that at a gathering, I was just sitting there In a corner, all by myself I never said a word when I was there

And you got upset You said that I need to put myself out there To take a chance Try to be the life of the party

And at home I needed to go to social places in town Try to make some friends Just act like myself and don’t care what anyone says

So, I did I trusted you with my life And I did what you said Just to try

I put myself out there at the next gathering And I went in town and talked to random people I was myself and didn’t care what anyone said I was just… Me

And you said you was proud of me More proud then I knew And you promised that you would always be there for me No matter what happened

My life changed for the better because of you I could never be more happy BUT THEN YOU LEFT YOU DON’T CARE ANYMORE

You told me that you don’t want to be friends with me THAT I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU You wish I would stop talking to you YOU WISH I WAS NEVER THERE

You say you have a girl now And don’t wanna be friends anymore Your getting married and having a baby But your just 19

She is a SLUT SHE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU And now she is making you stop talking to me WHAT A HEARTLESS B*TCH


..I need you… I NEED YOU!!! Why do you hate me? F*CKIN TALK TO ME!!!

What did I do WRONG? What didn’t I do right? Why do you hate me? When did you CHANGE?

Why are you yelling at me to get out of your life? I did nothing but care for you We are and only would be just friends BUT I NEED YOU DAMNIT!!!

YOU was my best friend There was NEVER a time that you was to busy to talk And I THOUGHT you would ALWAYS be there for me Just like you PROMISED!!!

WHAT THE HELL IS A PROMISE??? JUST A F*CKIN JOKE TO YOU??? Why don’t you care about me? What have I done?

…I’m sorry.. I SAID I’M SORRY DAMNIT!!! Come back… DON’T LEAVE ME


What ya think???

Answer #1

some sections read like a poem, but most of it is more like a story. work on your structure and the overall tempo of the piece. and also you don’t need to use swear words in order to express powerful emotions. I tend to think they belittle this piece. rather than making it strong and emoting they make it rather child like. I think this could be good because there is a painful back-story behind it. just work on it a little more. nicely done mate

Answer #2

I like it yeah it is more like a story but a good one. its like a poem-story combination though I like that. very emotional and real.

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