How to handle difficult foster children?

aloha kathyrh69, I am seven teen years old and in foster care..and the system really does suck the ony good thing about it is that once you hit 18 years old they will pay for you to go to college ( I am really looking forward to that) the moving though is really hard on a lot of foster childern some people will only keep you for 30 days ( something to do with they do not like keeping kids past a month) and so I am glad that you have stuck with these kids longer then that. I really am…one thing new foster parents don’t consider when they go in to foster care is that they are getting kids yes, but these kids have not had normal lives…as bad as your 15years old may be her life has been better I am sure then those foster kids..in order to stay in foster care long term you have had to have a pretty messed up life since the system is always trying to return you home…with my Mother’s rights where terminanted and so the state has costody and they could not return me.

kids are going to be Kids no matter what just keep in mind these kids have been tramatized and possibly moved around so much they don’t think you are or would keep them any way and so they don’t care if they are actting out an may not try to make it work out because they have already deemed that it will not…I have been moved around over 20 times this year alone..and the messed up thing is I didnt do anything wrong I am a quote on quote “good girl” I graduated high school a year early ..with honors… I have been doing public speaking.. ( have one to night :) I an really envolved at church I work…I am respectful I thought a lot and I just didnt understand what was happening and why I kept getting moved I asked the last people why they where kicking me out and they said because of the holiday ( christmas) they w3anted their own childern around and family…it hurt a lot to here that..some people had said it was becasue they no longer needed the extra money while others said they did not want to respnsiblity..I had one family said they didn’t want to drive me to college in Jan. letss see another said my past was to F-ed up…one said she didn’t like the color of my skin..there was just a bunch of reason…After the 8th move I gave up I pretty much didn’t care if it worked or not and I stopped making an effort to get to no the person(s) that I was living with and just did my own thing…A lt of people said that they didnt like that I never did anything with kids my age..reason being most my age are on drugs and drinking and it is not something that I want to get involved with…or that they thought I read to much whatever the reson each time I felt…rejected,a and unwanted..like I am unloveabel or something..I have been blessed with a wonderful social worker though who does not understand why people do it but who has really been there for me…I understand that being a foster parent is not easy but trust me being a foster child is not any easier…the kids with you where rasied in a sence in a very different world that you are offering them and some tiems change even if it is better is the hardest thing for some one to acept or do..some times letting so one love you is even harder…what you may take as simple things may not be that simple for them..and are often things they are not use to and that will scare them… where as love is simple for you it may not be for them.

You say your 15year old is bad…well if you tell that to her I garentee she will not change and that it is not going to help her psychologicaly it is mostly damaging her..if you are telling her she is bad any way…you may not relize how much that hurts her because I do not think that she sows it but trust me am sure it does hurt her.

She will leanr one way or another soe times we have to learn lessons the hard way and as a parent the hardest thing I think you will have to do next to letting your child go one day is allwing them to mess up even when you no they are) and letting them learn that way..if she is haveing s//e//x then get her birth control so she does not have a child..I am not saying it is ok for her to do that it is not but she will either way so at the least you could help prevent that.

With the foster kids though sit down and tell them how you are feeling if they are old enough to understand…tell them you love them and want them to stay and that you do not know how to help them…ask them if they feel you are doing somehting wrong? also ask them if they even want to be there…if they do not want to be with ytou ask them where they would like to be.

Just keep working at it though..and thank you for doing this it is a good thing…in Hawaii we are very short on homes and kids have to be flown to other islands at times or placed in shelters the teens they will place in adult shelters if they have to and home wise for teenagers there is a real shortage no one wants teens it is understandable but very sad…I am lookiing forward to doing foster care one day my self.

Good luck God Bless

Oh and all kids are difficult not just foster kids