What can I do to fix this awful depression?

Ever since I started Jr. High School, I’ve been picked on, bullied, food thrown at, teased about clothing and about face. It continued even during High School.

When I was little, my mom would hit me and yell at me. She continues to do that even today, except without the hitting. Now and days, every time I talk to her, we get into an arguement and she ends up putting me to blame, saying that I’m rude and selfish and have an attitude problem and all this other stuff, putting me down all the time, even when I’m trying my best to talk nice. Nothing works. And my dad never lets me talk. Every time I try, he ends up questioning what I just said and not letting me finish. Then when I try to make it to where I actually “can” finish, he gets angry at me because of the way I talk. I told started to walk back to my room and he yells “I’m NOT Done with you!”. I said back “Well, I AM! I’m not going to stay down here just to get yelled at and be lectured”. Then he would end up following me to my room, stand in my doorway, continue to give me a lecture about how I talk and that I need to be more nicer and ect. The same exact thing my mom would do/say.

Whenever I’m around someone else or being with a different family, it’s completely different. I do what I’m told. When they need help, I help them. I do everything they would ask. Why? Because they don’t treat me like crap and yell at me!

When I tell mom what she had done to me when I was little, she’d say that she doesn’t remember anything and that I’m just saying that. She never pays attention to anything. Whenever I try to explain something to her, or tell her something, or show her how to do something, she always says “What? Huh? Wait, say that again?” Constantly! All the time! She says that right after I get done explaining. I feel like she’s doing this on purpose. She never does anything right. She doesn’t even cook anymore! There’s hardly any food in the house. Nothing but liquids and snacks.. that’s it. No real food. She doesn’t even know how to cook! She doesn’t even act like a real mother. The house is always dirty. Dirt on the light switches, on the floor. Whenever she has to do something, she’ll get annoyed or frustrated and starts getting angry. Oh, and whenever I bring that up, she denies it and starts… Ugh! She’s so sensitive!

My dad is hardly ever home. He works from 6 in the morning to 8 at night. Every single day except for the weekends. On the weekends, he’s gone doing martial arts with my step brother or working on the car, or out doing something, or his dad (a.k.a. my grandpa) wants him to do something. He’s never home, nor does he ever spend time with us. He never did. It’s always been me and my little brother hanging out together.

My parents don’t ask my brother to do anything. I’m the one who does this, does that, fix this, fix that. My mom’s always on the computer, but knows NOTHING about it. She tries to do this, but something goes wrong and she calls me when all she needed to do is “zoom in” or “turn” this, or “click” here. Even my dad’s on the computer and has me do everything. My brother just sits in his room, blasting his music really loud, plays his guitar really loud, sleeps all day, is up all night, almost never comes out of his room, has home schooling where he only goes once a week and he’s complaining about that! He Doesn’t even shower! Oh, and did I mention that he’s going on 16?! And my parents do NOTHING about it.

My brother’s a spoiled brat! And I’m not just saying that, it’s true! He has almost ALL the video game systems and computer technology. My Parents hardly ever say “no” to him. I feel like he’s the favorite around here. All I have is a PS2, an OLD one from when they first came out, and a computer.

My parents don’t like to spend money on anything. My mom will buy the cheapest she can get! Even when it comes to food and t.v. and beds, shirts, shoes, every thing! But she’ll go and buy expensive stuff for her and she has so many “naughty” toys, if you guys know what I mean. That’s all she seems to buy now and days. Then she’ll go and lie about things that never really happened, and she misunderstands just about everything! Then she acts all innocent and starts crying whenever I tell her the truth about things.

I just feel so miserable here!

I was up at my boyfriends house in Oregon for the summer and I was really happy being there. His mom cooks, keeps things clean, she’s funny, active, friendly. She never barges into his room to tell him something. She never yells either. And his dad is funny too and an artist!

His family loves to go and do stuff, and they’re not afraid to buy things. His mom will make sure she buys a good backpack or computer, or ect. Nothing that’s way too expensive, but nothing that’s extreamly cheap, just to make sure that it’s not going to fall apart.

Sometimes, yea, I do get bored, that’s only because he’s working and I don’t have anything to do. He doesn’t like me talking to others very much because he doesn’t want anyone to take me away from him. So, we only play games that we can do together, but when he’s at work, I can’t do anything because I’ll get to a higher lvl than he is and he would have to catch up, and I end up feeling guilty.

When I’m at home, I’m constantly crying and feeling miserable.

He’s up in Oregon and I’m stuck down here until he can get an apartment so we could live together, which will be soon, I hope.

I don’t have a drivers license yet because I have trouble studying. I can’t seem to remember whatever I read. It doesn’t stick, so I need someone’s help by reading it aloud to me. My dad doesn’t help, neither does my mom. Plus, even if I did get one, I have no where to go. I don’t know my neighborhood nor do I have any friends.

Could anyone help me and figure out what’s wrong, what I could do and how to fix this.. depression?

P.S. Sorry that I’m complaining.

Answer #1

AWWW Honey… I am so sorry that you have to live this way… there is much more out there, and many that would be shocked at this behavior. But, there are also multitudes that live this way. Even though your boyfriend seems like his family has it all together, red flags rise. when it comes to keeping you away from people, this is the sign of a controller… and even though it may be ok for awhile, no body can live like that for long, without feeling very bad. we were not born to be isolated… we need people… in a healthy way, and he may have jealousy issues, which will make it very hard for you, as time goes on. If you could get out on your own, and make a life for your self, it would be much better than jumping out of the fat and into the fire. Be on your own, experience life… the way you want it to be, and know it should be. Take your time, get to know your friend better, before making a committment. Develop yourself… be all you can be… live, laugh and love… life… And I pray that the rest of your life will be entirely diff. than the first part. Blessings…

Answer #2

Hi- I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I think you need to get a job! Actually - you don’t say whether or not you have a job, but I’m guessing you don’t since you don’t mention it ,and were able to spend the summer at your boyfriend’s house… If you could support yourself (and that shouldn’t be a problem since you are almost 20 years old) then you could move out of your parent’s house. Even if you don’t make that much money, you could find a roommate and share an apartment, it sounds better than your current situation. Then you wouldn’t have to deal with your parents or your brother anymore. Your parents will start to respect you as an adult and start treating you accordingly, and more importantly, you will start respecting yourself and your self confience will start building. OK,– then when that happens , you will start to become a more positive person, and fun to be with, so you can make friends (find a job where a lot of people work-maybe a big store or something)… You are about to enter your 20’s - you should be out there, having fun! Not moping around your parents’ house. I wish you the best! BTW - I find it hard to beilieve that you have a hard time studying for the driving test - only because your advice question was one of the best written I’ve read yet!- I can tell you are very intelligent! Good luck!

Answer #3

So many people tell you bullying is just a phase through high school, and it passes- let me shatter that illusion right now. Bullying happens all through your life, but it’s what you do that affects what happens. Some choose to ignore, and it’s not easy to do, but often if you just let it go, they find someone else to pick on. But chances are, these people end up in dead end lives later because they spent so much time hassling people they forgot to use their intellect, and their brain has turned to some kind of mashed up mouldy jello.

Leaving home can help- when I moved out, my relationship with my parents got so much better. But you need to be able to support yourself to do that, and that may not be easy, especially when you’re still at school. A great idea is to sit down and talk with your parents. Set some ground rules before you start- no raised voices, no interrupting, one person talks at a time, etc. Encourage people to talk about how they feel- happy, sad, angry, use “I” statements, “I feel upset when you talk to me like that”. Remember, if you talk about how you feel, no-one cal argue with you, or tell you that what you feel is wrong.

Your boyfriend may be a great guy and have a great family, but I think it’s unfair that he doesn’t like you talking to or spending time with other people. You’re lonely, so get out there and make some friends girlie! If he doesn’t want you to spend time on anyone but him, that’s not a healthy relationship. If he really loves you, he’ll understand that you need friends to get through everyday stuff, to hug you when you’re sad, to listen to your problems… all that stuff.

Just remember, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. If you don’t like what’s there, take action and change it to make it better. :)

Answer #4

what you should do is go to college an get urself a gud education an then ull make m8s 2 its a lot different in college than high school. an u just need 2 get out the house so u wont av 2 spend tyme wiv ur family. also u cud get a part tyme job. may be u cud c a counciller 2 help u wiv or problems . dont stand for the things ur mum an that say 2 u u should just move out an all ur problems will dissapear. obviaoulsy ull av a few probs but not as much.

Answer #5

People make fun of others out of thir own insecurity. Its highschool,people are mean. Just ignore it and live your life =]

Answer #6

The reason I don’t have a job is because my parents want me to finish school first.

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