What can I do to fix this awful depression?

Ever since I started Jr. High School, I’ve been picked on, bullied, food thrown at, teased about clothing and about face. It continued even during High School.

When I was little, my mom would hit me and yell at me. She continues to do that even today, except without the hitting. Now and days, every time I talk to her, we get into an arguement and she ends up putting me to blame, saying that I’m rude and selfish and have an attitude problem and all this other stuff, putting me down all the time, even when I’m trying my best to talk nice. Nothing works. And my dad never lets me talk. Every time I try, he ends up questioning what I just said and not letting me finish. Then when I try to make it to where I actually “can” finish, he gets angry at me because of the way I talk. I told started to walk back to my room and he yells “I’m NOT Done with you!”. I said back “Well, I AM! I’m not going to stay down here just to get yelled at and be lectured”. Then he would end up following me to my room, stand in my doorway, continue to give me a lecture about how I talk and that I need to be more nicer and ect. The same exact thing my mom would do/say.

Whenever I’m around someone else or being with a different family, it’s completely different. I do what I’m told. When they need help, I help them. I do everything they would ask. Why? Because they don’t treat me like crap and yell at me!

When I tell mom what she had done to me when I was little, she’d say that she doesn’t remember anything and that I’m just saying that. She never pays attention to anything. Whenever I try to explain something to her, or tell her something, or show her how to do something, she always says “What? Huh? Wait, say that again?” Constantly! All the time! She says that right after I get done explaining. I feel like she’s doing this on purpose. She never does anything right. She doesn’t even cook anymore! There’s hardly any food in the house. Nothing but liquids and snacks.. that’s it. No real food. She doesn’t even know how to cook! She doesn’t even act like a real mother. The house is always dirty. Dirt on the light switches, on the floor. Whenever she has to do something, she’ll get annoyed or frustrated and starts getting angry. Oh, and whenever I bring that up, she denies it and starts… Ugh! She’s so sensitive!

My dad is hardly ever home. He works from 6 in the morning to 8 at night. Every single day except for the weekends. On the weekends, he’s gone doing martial arts with my step brother or working on the car, or out doing something, or his dad (a.k.a. my grandpa) wants him to do something. He’s never home, nor does he ever spend time with us. He never did. It’s always been me and my little brother hanging out together.

My parents don’t ask my brother to do anything. I’m the one who does this, does that, fix this, fix that. My mom’s always on the computer, but knows NOTHING about it. She tries to do this, but something goes wrong and she calls me when all she needed to do is “zoom in” or “turn” this, or “click” here. Even my dad’s on the computer and has me do everything. My brother just sits in his room, blasting his music really loud, plays his guitar really loud, sleeps all day, is up all night, almost never comes out of his room, has home schooling where he only goes once a week and he’s complaining about that! He Doesn’t even shower! Oh, and did I mention that he’s going on 16?! And my parents do NOTHING about it.

My brother’s a spoiled brat! And I’m not just saying that, it’s true! He has almost ALL the video game systems and computer technology. My Parents hardly ever say “no” to him. I feel like he’s the favorite around here. All I have is a PS2, an OLD one from when they first came out, and a computer.

My parents don’t like to spend money on anything. My mom will buy the cheapest she can get! Even when it comes to food and t.v. and beds, shirts, shoes, every thing! But she’ll go and buy expensive stuff for her and she has so many “naughty” toys, if you guys know what I mean. That’s all she seems to buy now and days. Then she’ll go and lie about things that never really happened, and she misunderstands just about everything! Then she acts all innocent and starts crying whenever I tell her the truth about things.

I just feel so miserable here!

I was up at my boyfriends house in Oregon for the summer and I was really happy being there. His mom cooks, keeps things clean, she’s funny, active, friendly. She never barges into his room to tell him something. She never yells either. And his dad is funny too and an artist!

His family loves to go and do stuff, and they’re not afraid to buy things. His mom will make sure she buys a good backpack or computer, or ect. Nothing that’s way too expensive, but nothing that’s extreamly cheap, just to make sure that it’s not going to fall apart.

Sometimes, yea, I do get bored, that’s only because he’s working and I don’t have anything to do. He doesn’t like me talking to others very much because he doesn’t want anyone to take me away from him. So, we only play games that we can do together, but when he’s at work, I can’t do anything because I’ll get to a higher lvl than he is and he would have to catch up, and I end up feeling guilty.

When I’m at home, I’m constantly crying and feeling miserable.

He’s up in Oregon and I’m stuck down here until he can get an apartment so we could live together, which will be soon, I hope.

I don’t have a drivers license yet because I have trouble studying. I can’t seem to remember whatever I read. It doesn’t stick, so I need someone’s help by reading it aloud to me. My dad doesn’t help, neither does my mom. Plus, even if I did get one, I have no where to go. I don’t know my neighborhood nor do I have any friends.

Could anyone help me and figure out what’s wrong, what I could do and how to fix this.. depression?

P.S. Sorry that I’m complaining.