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Do I want a divorce?

This summer I will have only been married two years (We had dated for six years previous). We still are child-free, but my husband would love to already have several children. I am not happy and I know that if I am not…something needs to change. I don’t feel that I am “in love” with my husband. I care about him, but intimacy, longing and passion just aren’t there. I miss being “in love” and “wanting” someone…

It is not only the intimacy issue that concerns me…I also can not stand living with him. I’m a neat freak and he’s a slob and I am constantly asking him and eventually yelling at him to help out and pick up after himself. He is also NOT dependeable…he always says he’ll do something (to shut me up) and then he never does. I have tried several times to talk to him and he NEVER wants too, he changes the subject or says at another time he is busy. If you ask me he has got to be sick of my bickering and whining as much as I am sick of him…but, he thinks the words “I love you” solve everything. so I’m beginning to think we do not belong together and maybe before kids and before we’re both too old, we should end things (I’m 25 and he is 28)

In a nut shell that is what is frustrating me and sometimes I think of how wonderful it would be to live alone. The thing is, I’m not sure if this is normal or we really should never have been married. We have both been through a lot lately. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer the week of our wedding and passed away this last November. My mother was my closest friend and I still can’t believe she is gone and my life as I thought I knew it has somehow dramatically changed.

I need advice before I go crazy…

-daisy

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Answer #1

I am having a very tough time with my husband being a slob and I am a neat freak. I honestly think I might would divorce him over it if I didn’t have 3 little kids with him. My advice to you is just make sure you decide if you want to stay with your husband before you have a child. It will be way harder to leave after you have kids. I’m serious. I know I would have walked out a long time ago if I hadn’t already had a child with him. We’re about to have our 5th anniversary. I have begged for him to make changes on cleaning up after himself for 5 years and expressed to him how much it would mean to me and told him I would not have anything to gripe about if he would just clean up after himself as he goes and that we should meet in the middle. I say, you want me to stop griping, then just help out a little more and watch the griping fade as you do your part to make me happy. He has not made any efforts to change in 5 years. Chances are, if you can’t get your husband to change now, he probably won’t ever. My husband constantly tells me, I’ll do this or that later or tomorrow and he never does it. He tells me that to shut me up for the night. It’s just one let down after another. I don’t really believe in divorce, but just figure it out before you even accidentally have kids. I work around the house all day to get it the way I like it so I can’t sit down and do things with my kids or do things I like to do in a clean, organized home and before I can even finish, my husband comes home from work and starts destroying everything again. It’s causing me to not be able to stand him. I’m perfectly happy until he walks in the door.

Answer #2

Hi Daisy, First I think you need to step back and think about when it was you started having negative feelings about your marriage. Was it before or after your mothers death. You had a six year relationship with your husband before you married him so I am assuming you still loved him when you got married. You have had a tough time dealing with the illness and death of your mother. Not only did you lose your mother you also lost your best friend . I think it is possible that you may be suffering from depression and that it would be a good idea for you to visit your doctor and tell him how you are feeling. In answer to your question is it normal to sometimes think how wonderfull it would be to live alone. I think that is very normal . I believe that every married person has had that thought at some point in their marriage. You do however seem to have some issues with your husband that need to be worked on. But as I have already mentioned I think a trip to the doctor would be a good first step

Answer #3

i'm sorry about your mother. it sounds like you are really hurt and wounded right now. there are different kinds of love.. the love that you have for you mother, and the love you have for your husband. those two kinds of love should not be confused. sometimes people bent their anger and pain on their spouse because its the only way they know how to release their pain. you will never find "prince charming" he does not exist. people are not exactly alike, they are different, they have plusses and minusses, you should learn to look at the plusses with your husband, and not so much at the minusses. if he is a good guy inside and does not abuse you, you should try to have love with him because good guys are hard to find.

Answer #4

Since you asked. Yes. & good luck! your going to need it.

Answer #5

if you realy love him you shouldnt get a divorce but if it doesnt feel right then yea you should

Do I want a divorce?

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