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What will you do if in a department store you see a mother is talking rudely and hard enough to her 4 year old boy because the boy insists on having an ice cream? In what stage you will decide to interfere?
Sri, I think it's great that you can intervene in those situations, when you feel it's appropriate. Many people would feel inhibited about doing so. I'd like to suggest that you can also intervene in a way that is more supportive of the parent. For example, when you approach the mom you could say something like, "Being a mom can be so exhausting sometimes, can't it?" In that way, you can protect the child from being publicly berated (by distracting the parent) while also helping mom get some perspective on her own frustration that she's already taking out on the child. That avoids the risk that by adding to her stress level, you could put the child at greater risk as soon as you're no longer watching.
I would mind my own business? Quite frankly you're lucky you didnt get told off, which she would have had every right to do. She wasnt hurting the child, and it is not up to you how people parent their kids. As a therapist I'd probably have gone with empathy to diffuse the situation if I felt that she was about to hit the child (perspective taking never hurts, lets pretend she's not evil, but someone who was simply having a rough day and go from there), but i really would have stayed out of it in that situation. For some reason every parent thinks they can parent better than every other parent...
I think you did the right thing. You work as a teacher, don't you? So I would imagine you know how to talk and act toward children. I've been in situations like that myself, and I wish I was the one with the guts to go and talk to that mother.
And who knows; maybe what you said made her mind work, and possibly she stopped being mean to her kid because you was tough enough to say something about it to her?
She did not beat him yet, Irene. But I could not wait until it happened either. I was standing about 15 to 20 meters from them, yet her voice was heard. Everyone was only watching her. She kept on yelling when the boy was speechless. And because of that too, when I was at home, I ws thinking if I went too far at that time. I was I believed carried out by the situation so I acted spontaneously.
if she was talking about physically hurting her child because she doesnt want to give him an ice cream, i would have stepped in too. but if it was just a bit of yelling or aggrivated talk i would assume all parents have their off days and occasionally punnish their kids. you dont really say what she said to her kid though, and i would personally only interfear if i beleive the kid was in danger
I don't agree with it. Children can be extremely persistant and plain rude, this is due to lack of discipline. I also don't think that rudely telling a child in public no will damage him permanently. If she was beating the child I could agree with stepping in, but if you came to me while I was disciplining a child and told me what or what not to do I would give you a good piece of mind.
You know, a lot of people will just let the mother do whatever they want, because it's her life, not your's, but I don't agree with that too much. I think you did a very good thing by stepping in, if it was very apparent that she was being too rude. If it was bothering you, the way he was being treated, I think it was your concerns being treated.
I was taking the action not only from the level of he yelling, but it is also because of the situation. It is not good for the kid;s mental condition being yelled at in public place. He will feel so very embarrassed. Ah... I can not imagine his look at that time.... scared but afraid to cry.
What a very good idea you have, Trenth. Thank you. I was not thinking that far. All I saw at time was the pale and scared face the boy showed and the high, intimidating tone of the mother's voice. I was so sure that she could have beaten him at any time.
I still don't agree with it. Sometimes the only thing you can do if a 4 year old persistantly nags you for icecream after you have told him no a thousand times is raise your voice. I still don't think that you had a right to interfere.
A week ago,,,, I could not leave him alone.... I came to her and said: Any further words of physical harm you do to him, I call the police. She stunned. But now I feel I was way too far....
U were right to stand by and make sure the boy was ok, I wud have done the same, and if she did cause physical harm I wud have called the police right away
I agree, unless the child is actually gettin struck, a I don't me a pat on the butt, that is the only time someon should step in, good answer Irene :-)
I was lucky that she did not push me away or at least say "Mind your own business."
Thank God. Thank you, Tammy, :-)
Ur very welcome sweetie :-)
Thank you, Chris. :D
