How do you deal with a depressed boyfriend in the army?

I don’t know what to say or do to make him feel better.. I don’t want to say I know how he feels because I don’t.. and ugh.. it’s stressful because I don’t want to say the wrong thing.. what can I do or say?

Answer #1

just let him know you will always be there for him and you will be waiting for him when he’s back. just let him know you care. best of luck!

Answer #2

How many times has he deployed? Deployments can Bring about all kinds of emotions. What can you do? Be his friend. If some one is deppressed but refuses to take part in any kind of solution, than there isnt much we can do. Dont enable, but dont shut him out. Try too keep the conversations turned towards the solutions if possible. Tell him you will go through couseling with him. The answer is in the answer Moe, but when you are suffering it is sooo hard to see. I know this for a fact, because I just made it through a terrible depression. I find that for me, It took a variety of positve actions on my part. Up my recovery meetings, Journal, reach out to friends, get totally hoest about certain things i was hiding, therapy, you name it, I am doing it. It has been a tough year for me, but i am in a way better place. I wrote a $uicide note four months ago Moe, and I believe that if it wasnt for my Daughter Cassidy I wouldnt be here right now. Depression is nothing to mess with. We have to try to stay in the solution. Hope everything works out.

Answer #3

He hasn’t been deployed for a while, but he’s about to go to Kentucky for WLC and he really doesn’t want to go. He’s normally very strong and keeps his emotions to himself, so when he told me the job was putting him in a gutter, and he was depressed because of it, it kind of surprised me. Thank you very much for sharing that, and I’m really glad you’re better now.

Answer #4

let him know everything is his fault and no one likes him

Answer #5

He can try to talk to his commanding officer to reassign him a job that he prefers over this one. Other than that, I think he might have to wait 2 years to pick another job. That’s how it is in the Corps at least. Military is a stressful thing no matter how strong you are. You’re an individual, taken away from the civilian world and trained to take orders like a puppet. What can be more stressful than screwing up and causing a whole task to be lost..?

Sorry to make you feel worse about it, but it’s kinda true. My Sergeant told me in the Army, you can call home so maybe when he calls, tell him how much he means to your heart. As you said, don’t try to relate your problems to his, because he might feel upset for your safety since he’s not there right now. Stick to talking about things other than military, like dates, or happy things.

Hope I helped somehow. He’s a lucky man to have you. :) And he gets to call home in the Army. The Marines let you call home one time, for like a minute, then it’s just letters for the next 3 months. :( Anyway, stick to re-assuring he’ll be back in no time and that you’ll wait as long as it takes for him.

Answer #6


Answer #7

I don’t want to worry you some more but sicides in the Army is at an all time high. Here is a link on the Army Sicide prevention.

Answer #8

When I feel down and out, I know that usually talking or writing about why I’m feeling that way helps. I don’t personally need anything special, I just need someone to listen and reassure me. Someone to validate my feelings, you know? So in this case, I think that doing so could help your boyfriend too. It probably will be difficult and you probably won’t always know what to say, but being there and trying will make a huge difference for him.

As for some ideas.. When he calls and mentions something, ask him what about it makes him feel XXX way. If you don’t understand something, say something like “When you say XXX, what is it that you mean?”. Let him know that you care, and that you’ll always be there. Tell him that you guys can make it through this. I think I’d personally say something like this at some point.. “I can’t imagine what it’s like to be there, but I do know that you’re strong and that you can make it through this. I love you, and I’ll always be here through every step of the way.” It lets him know that he’s strong, that he’s not alone, and that he can do it. But yeah. Listening to his reasons and reassuring him is the best way to go.

Answer #9

I wish I could say that I didn’t know what you were going through but unfortunately I had that same issue with my ex-husband.

We met right before he was drafted…he hated every min of it. He kept getting lied to by being sent to a base closer to home to make a long story short…he too was depressed…and started doing things to get discharged. we suffered a lot…i mean how much is a lot? Lets just say our first anniversary, he was being sentenced to mil j@il…got 5 months in & lost all of his ranks…for our second anniversary…he was sentenced to an additional 5 months of mil j@il…& yes bcz he went a wall both times for a long period of time…so yeah I def know what you are going through…the letters of how much he hates it…and how much he misses you & the turmoil of wtf do you say or do to keep him strong or keep it together long enough for him to get through it or discharged!

My best advice to you is to seriously ask him what he thinks he can do beyond his job atm…like where does he see himself in 3-5 years from now….if he has a plan, encourage him to either postpone it or try to speak to someone that is willing to help him get discharged. if it comes down to either getting out or loosing touch with reality due to depression…I would get out! The army isn’t for everyone, and no matter how much you want to give of yourself, sometimes your mental state just cant handle it. When faced with that kind of life style, and depression on top of it…its best to say hey I tried…but I couldn’t continue doing what I was doing. as for facing name calling or bs like that…hey it’s better to stay sane, and be called a disgrace to your country or deserter than loose touch with reality & be called a hero!(in my opinion that is!)

Now, you as his gf sweetie…have to ask yourself what may be best for him, for you & eventually for your future with him if you see one! If he pulls out now, you might be able to save his sanity and start over…a whole new life. If not…you may loose the man you fell in love with and find yourself with a total stranger over time…(happened to me with my ex…he was never the same…he turned into this person I never knew existed…and i tried with time & patience to help him & do the best I could for him…but he couldn’t careless…he turned stone cold…I could see it in his eyes…its like it was him, but not him…not the him i married before…but the him that was left after the all of that!)

All I can offer you is my support & input on how to be supportive & patient…the final decision, is up to you sweetie. Funmail me if ya need anything…anything at all! /hugs

Answer #10

Just be there for him, let him know you’ll be there to support him. Don’t say you know what h’es going thorugh. It’s going to be rough, a lot of ppl go through h3ll in the military and will witness horrific things in which we can only imagine. A lot of ppl get hooked on dr*gs or ciggerrates(or alchihol) to cope supposedly(my father got hooked on ciggerrates when he went into service). A lot come out a changed person, for better or for worse. Some will become stone cold for an amount of time, or even just stone cold. Let him know you’re there & if possable would like to help him cope. If he needs to vent, listen. Let him know you care for him and that he is loved(bit don’t shove it down his throat or flaubt it in his face, I’m sure that may make things worse when he goes back into service knowing he’s leaving you again).

Answer #11

my boyfriend is in the military too. it was and still is really hard. he is home until the end of november but then he has to go away again and i know its going to be really hard. he would write me letters telling me how much he missed me and missed home and it broke my heart knowing there was nothing i could do about it. but just know that eventually everything will be okay. you just have to stay strong for the two of you. he needs you now more than ever.

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