Confused soul in need of guidance.

Well, this is hard to explain and not all of you will understand who I am or how this has all come to be, but I will get down to the core of it.

I met this woman online on a hobby-based forum and soon moved it to msn, after a while, we became close best-friends. We then proceeded to play online games together to pass the time and everything was great, we would grind our way through the games, all the while talking and becoming closer friends. I would learn just about everything about this girl… I know her better than I do anyone else in my life, including my parents. I have now known this girl for a little over two years and I am absolutely in love with her and I have been so for the past 6months. I always had a small thing for her, but nothing I took seriously. Recently, I can’t stop thinking about her.. I would give anything to be with this woman. I would marry her without a second thought. she is absolutely perfect for me, minus one small problem…

[to be continued]

[just kidding]

She is a lesbian. Oh, I know, I am the biggest idiot in the world. How could I allow my heart to be so easily destroyed… the girl that I would give the world to, does not like men. Just my luck, huh?

Although, at one point.. a month or two before I fully realized my feelings for her, after getting her to tell me what she was keeping from me(which she obviously failed to do, not to mention hide the fact that she had a secret), she confessed that she had been debating how life could be with me and whether she would be ok with turning straight. At the time, I let her be… I let her make that decision for herself. Even then, I would have jumped at the opportunity to have her love me. In the end, she reaffirmed her lesbian position. I did tell her of my feelings once, after I had been gloomy and she wouldn’t get off my back about why, I gave up and just said it… of course, I was shot down pretty badly… and it just happened to be on Valentines day. Even despite that, I still hold great love for her.

So, in the end, I am stuck deeply in love with my best-friend, someone that I would give my life to/for in an instant … and I speak with her every day, for hours on end, continuously reminded of the reasons why I hold her so dearly.

What should I do? I really do not think this will fade away… this girl without a doubt will be the “one who got away”, at the same time… I don’t know what I can do.

Anyway, enough rambling, lets hear those opinions.

[[oh… and just for the record, I want to say that expressing this was not easy for me, there is so very much more to all of this, enough so that I could probably write a book]]