Chemistry jokes

A neutron walks into a bar, and asks the bar tender “How much for a beer?”. The bar tender replies “For you, no charge”.
Nerdiest joke EVER lol

Draw Fe

 Fe       Fe
      Fe

and call it a ferrous wheel (anything with iron is a ferrous material, and the ferrous is in the wheel, aka ferriswheel)

Q: What’s the most important thing to learn in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon.

Q: How many atoms in a guacamole? A:Avocado’s number.

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender looks at him, and says “For you, no charge.”

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says “No, but I know where I am.”

And finally This is no joke but a call to BAN dihydrogen monoxide, otherwise know as the invisible, killer substance. For your information, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO in its liquid form, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes tissue damage and contact with its gaseous form causes burns. DHMO use is widespread. For those who have become dependent on it, DHMO withdrawal means death. DHMO can be an environmental hazard: it is a major component of acid rain, contributes to the “greenhouse effect”, leads to the erosion of natural landscapes and hastens the corrosion of most metals. Being so prevalent (quantities are found in every stream, lake and reservoir), DHMO contamination is at epidemic proportions. Despite the dangers, DHMO is often used as an industrial solvent, as a fire retardant, in nuclear power plants and (can you believe this) in certain food products. Companies dump waste dihydrogen monoxide into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. STOP THE HORROR NOW! The American government and the United Nations have refused to ban the production, distribution or use of this chemical due to its “economic importance.” The navy and certain other military organizations are highly dependent on DHMO for various purposes. Military facilities receive tons of it through a sophisticated underground distribution network. It is also stored in large quantities for military emergencies. BUT IT’S NOT TOO LATE! You can help. Act NOW to prevent further contamination. Write your representatives. Start and sign petitions. Send e-mails. Inform your friends about the dangers. What you don’t know CAN hurt you and every individual throughout the world.

;) Good Luck!!

Two chemists met for the first time at a symposium. One was American, the other was British.

“So what do you do for research?” asked the British chemist. “I work with arsoles,” replied the American. “Yes, sometimes my colleagues annoy me too,” said the British chemist.

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

Table of Elements: C = carbon Ho = holmium Co = cobalt La = lanthanum Te = tellurium

CHoCoLaTe - Better living through chemistry!