Calling all mums/dads/etc and boys; need male puberty advice

hey my name is Tyler an yes it is definetly part of puberty because I did the same thing. I also felt irrated because I did not know what was really going to happen next, I was told about puberty but was not sure if I was developing properly. Hope that answers your ?.

Oh yes, I have an 11 year old and a 9 year old (both boys). I wouldn’t fear too much that your son is ‘turning into his dad’ - he seems to be very, very like my own sons too.

‘Meltdown’ is a good description - my eldest can go for quite a while being reasonable, but then suddenly explode so that the normal bounds of reasoning, consequences or time-out mean nothing to him - he is going to blow and nothing will stop him! Over the last year it has occurred at times over homework, over restrictions on time on the Nintendo DS and potentially over anything where he feels we are thwarting him: ‘You never listen to me! Why is it always me? But you haven’t heard what I was saying!’ etc.

The worst ‘paddies’ lasted over an hour, and we did get him help, as that was all about homework and he had a problem with his handwriting. He began to calm down a bit when he had some professional help with coordination and handwriting skills. But other things still cause explosions which he seems to be unable to control. His younger brother is a little similar but seems to have more control over unreasonable anger - he’s more likely to go moping around the house snivelling instead!

So, in terms of advice, I haven’t got all the answers! What I have found helpful is to speak to the eldest as he is calming down (maybe as much as an hour after the explosion). I’ve just had to gage it according to his temperament, so these things might not work for your son. I’ve said things like: ‘I feel absolutely awful after all that, and I guess you do to. Do you think it was the best way to get what you wanted? Was there another way that might have worked better?’ I just reiterate that I will never give in to a bad temper, but that a reasonable request from him in the first place would have got a polite response, and possibly even got him what he wanted!

Sometimes, if they’re just being low-level rude, rather than all-out vile, I say: ‘I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, because you said it badly, and I’m going to give you a chance to think it through and ask politely instead’. Sometimes that helps them to remember how a positive manner is more likely to get them what they want!

I’ve picked up an Usbourne book called ‘What’s happening to my body’ which I’m going to give them. I haven’t done it yet, because it’s more about full-on puberty, rather than just the early mood swings, but I think it’s going to be helpful.

Best of luck!

wow that is a hard subject. try making him do something relaxing like yoga or meditation to cool him down.

Good advice, guruforgod. Knowing the consequences in advance may not make a difference to the tantrum, but does help think twice about doing it again, and it shows that the parent is being fair and consistent, not angry and irriational like the child. It’s hard not to get angry but that does just make things much worse…

alright alright. im 14 so I know how he feels. what you should do is not look to those parent help books. nobody should tell you how to raise your kids. every kid is different and you cant rely on stereotypes. what I would do is get him something productive to keep him occupied. not vidoegames, or tv. get him to play an instrument or join a sport or something. but let him choose, dont force him into something;.