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best friend's dad died...

my friends dad has just died… he used to abuse him when he was a kid (he’s 18 now). I mean it obviously f*cked him up a lot, but he still talked to him. the day before he died his dad threatened to punch him, and he obviously had enough and they started fighting… thats the last thing he did with his dad. obviously things were said too. I dunno what to say to him. “you okay” “how you feeling” DOESN’T help. it just pisses him off. ideas?

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Answer #1

Let him do the talking…and you do the listening. There isn’t anything you can do other than that, to help him thru his pain…

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Answer #2

Tell him 2 just take his anger out and try to get him 2 let loose somtimes talking about tha things that are bothering you help…and or just leave him be and let him calm down on his own.

Answer #3

yes just be there. as much as I resent my father for some of the “choices” he made in his life- that heavily effected mine- he is still my father. and through all of the scarring, and pain, we now have the ability to talk about our common interests- and share some laughs on occasion.

your friend doesn’t have this- his father is dead, and somewhere buried beneath all of the anger, all of the pain, all of the resentment- there is still a “bond”. he will be venting for a while, and you just simply being there in a “non- confrontational” or non-overly “sympathetic” capacity should make a world of difference. his “bond” with his father will emerge eventually- and then it will be time to offer the “shoulder”. just be there.

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