Attention all animal lovers! Why am I still grieving??

2006 was probably the worst year of my life. I lost 2 cats in that same year, within months of each other! One died of renal failure, and the other of some sort of throat cancer. stories of each one below

Reagan (“Miss Ray Ray”)- I adopted her from PetSmat because she was going to be euthanized by mid-July. She was VERY sickly. She was serverely neglected and abused before I got her. Someone just abandoned her in a garage. So she wheezed and vomited often, and lost literally handfuls of fur at a time! She got better- MUCH better as a few months went by. You wouldn’t have believed she was the same cat! We grew extremely close, I’d come back from school in tears, and she’d jump right on my lap or follow me around until she could be with me alone. Then, in November, she started acting lethargic and I took her to the vet. But I was far too late. I stayed up with her all night long until after midnight as I slowly watched her die, knowing nothing I could do would save her. The next morning, I cancelled her follow-up appointment…

Fluffytail (“Foofy”)- I don’t have enough room to tell you the number of “adventures” we had! I grew up with him, and he was my only friend. We found him outside one day, and he decided to stay. He was mistreated, but he never left. It’s like he knew I needed him, and the same for him. Granted- he was getting old. But I failed to realize that no one lives forever. One day I called for him- rather than faithfully running to me like always, he lay in a pile of leaves. I thought he was dead then, but he wasn’t. It was the longest night of my life. No comment on why he didn’t get to the vet’s that night, but he didn’t. But I BEGGED, and eventually he did- the next day. We waited, and finally they told us that he had an un-removable tumor in his throat. We had him put down, but I never stayed for the actual procedure. They had to sedate him JUST to EXAMINE him! I said my goodbyes, but left before they actually ended his suffering…

Given those stories that happened two years ago, is it normal to still be missing them to this day?? I STILL cry about them both. And find myself thinking that their deaths were all my fault. And a special note about Fluffytail (I gave him that name when I was three, BTW)- I regret not staying with him to the end. He'd always stuck by me, through thick and thin. But I couldn't simply stay for his last moments on earth.
Aren't I a real b*tch? Sometimes I really wonder why I deserved them...

But my question IS- Is it normal to still be missing them???
Answer #1

Another note- I honestly think Fluffytail came back, as if to say goodbye. I mean, most cats would run off into the woods if they were that sick and close to dying. But he remained in plain sight! It’s like…he was warning me. Crying as I wrote that question, and still now!

Answer #2

I’m so sorry. But what you’re going thru is something that all people who Love animals have gone thru. There can not be a time limit put on Love and grief. I think your feelings of fault comes from not being able to get medical help right away. This is a normal feeling. I’ve even experienced “survivor’s guilt” and had to seek counselling. We share a very unique and special Love and Bond with our animals. We are not only losing them, but a way of Life that we Loved and shared with them. After many years. and many losses, I have finally been able to hold them afterwards and say my goodbyes. But have never been able to stay while they died. They say its very important that they don’t pick up on your stress. It never gets easier. But it’s important to acknowledge and deal with your grief. I hope this has been some help.

Answer #3

One thing that might help is to try not to recall your last moments. Think about the happy times with them.

I’ve had to go through the deaths of many pets through the years and it isn’t easy. After my cat named Monkey was killed, I swore that I would never get another pet. It’s a very long story, but I had to watch, helplessly, as a set of Rottweilers chased him down. One grabbed him in his mouth as they disappeared into the darkness, never to see him again. It took me a long time to get him and the visual of him, out of my mind. That was 10 or more years ago and I still think about it but I, quickly, turn my thoughts to the cute things that he used to do.

My cat, Toonces, passed away in May, of Leukemia, and I miss him terribly but I find that thinking of the funny things he used to do really helps and I visualize him with that little hop in his step when called to dinner; the way he would climb in my lap, then up to my chest and flip over on his back with all four legs, spread eagle. He would lay there as long as I would let him.

I wasn’t there for him when he had to be put to sleep because he was at the Vet when they called me with the news of Leukemia, saying that he needed to be put to sleep. I had guilt about that, but when I thought about how much pain he was in, I knew I had made the right decision.

So, if you can, think of the cute things they did and don’t dwell on the last moments. You’re feeling guilty and you really shouldn’t. You were there for Reagan but you shouldn’t feel guilty because you couldn’t be there for Fluffytail. There was no reason to stay there for his suffering. It wouldn’t have done either of you any good. You did the right thing.

To answer your question, it is normal. We love our animals like we would people and, sometimes, more. We get very attached to them. They can be our best friends.

Answer #4

well your vegan and you loved your pets you love animals and it makes sence I have the same problem with my dog and its been about 4 years I mean I miss her a lot and still cry sometimes and she had a similar problem and I always feel like it was my fault and I feel messed up because she would always b with me when she saw me cry she would come and try to make me feel better and the time she needed me I couldnt be there 4 me and sometimes it feels like I’ll never forgive myself for leaving her but I didnt mean to but anywayz I’ll stop its absolutley normal 4 you to still miss her and I feel your pain you love animals as if they were people and I think thats cool ;)

Answer #5

It is very normal to be still missing them. I had 2 dogs that died. Pheobe who died 3 years ago and Roxy who died 2 years ago. I still cry about them a lot and I miss them a lot. I’d give anything to stroke them again. I could have done more for them!! I so regret it. I even cried when my goldfish died!! One of goldfish that died, called bubbles, was floating around in the tank when I looked and it could have been there a couple of days! Why didn’t I look before!! I sooo regret not looking at the them sooner!! I am sooo cruel!!

Answer #6

You are normal…everyone has their own way and time in which they grieve…It probably helped you by just writing down your memories of them here…The biggest drawback of our loving animals, is they don’t live as long as we do…I’ve said goodbye to many in the last 50 years…it never gets easier.

And…you are not a b*tch…You took in two lost and lonely kitties…Loved and cared for them until they passed. I consider that a wonderful thing!!

Maybe it’s time to think about getting a new kitty?? Not to replace your other ones, but to fill the hole their passing left in your heart…There are lots of lost and lonely ones in the shelter, who’s futures are bleak…It’d be like the “filling of a mutual need”…It would need you…and in my heart, I think you’d find it as fullfilling as when you took in the others.



Answer #7

This isn’t the first time I looked at these answers, I swear. It just took me a while to read them all! I actually DO have three cats right now! Princess, Ash, and Synba. And two dogs- Sammie and Benny. I DID have an armadillo lizard named SoBe, but he died this week -_- and I have a parakeet named Harijuku. So LOL I DO have other pets and love ‘em to death. I guess its just the circumstances under which they passed away. I felt really bad that they went through that when I was responsible for making the pain GO AWAY. Yeah…most people don’t know why I feel animals’ pain as if it was my own, but…I can’t explain it. To most people, they’re “just animals” but they are the only ones who truly are innocent. They do not choose to do wrong. And, not to mention the fact that they’re the only ones who don’t seem to judge me ;)

Answer #8

it doesn’t matter how long you had them, if they were rats. cats, dogs or fish! you of course are still grieving, I still miss my cat ‘blacky’ (shockingly he was completely black!) but they were your companions, and like your children, they were dependent on you and you felt responsible for them…

I would, however, be concerned that their loss was causing you too much grief…like any loss, you have to eventualy learn to live with it. if I were stll really traumatised after two years, I would probably look at the other aspects and my life, and see if there was anything that I am unhappy about…maybe your projecting your unhappiness about something onto the loss of your ousa-cats (thats what my two year old used to call them)…

but don’t worry, los for a loved pet is very normal, they are generally always there and don’t care if you’ve had a shower of are covered and mud, they accept you for who and what you are, unlke many people. so maybe, thats what you miss?

you sound likeyou had many fantastic memories of your pets, maybe tim to get anothe ousa-cat and give them some fond memories…

I was pregnant and had two boys, but I have four children…2 boys and two cats - they ar emy kids, I worry about them, they have to be in by a certain time…and they’re monkeys who wreck my house, in ways my kids never will lol! but we love them all the same… x

Answer #9

That’s completely normal! My pet that I lost like 4 years ago, was a rabbit. It was very young and sweet, and so loveable for a bunny. He always wanted me to pet him! His name was Patches. Well we were actually close for him being a rabbit I never knew they could be so attacthed and loveable towards their owners. Everytime I went to go feed him I would pet him, talk to him, hold him, ect. And just give him love like anyother pet I had, (like dogs). Well then when I closed his cage door and started walking away, he would run to the side and jump up the wall and want me to come back! I would, lol, since he was so cute and I pet him a few minutes more and then I left and he did the same but I just thought oh well. (Anyways, so thats how communicative he was towards me.) Well his hutch was in the backyard by a pine tree, inplain view.

My Mom did daycare and took care of this kid named Austin. He was like 9 and I was like 12. He was very odd and his mother warned my Mom when she first took care of him that he hurt and did things to their pets in the past. Like they had a fich and he squeezed it to death, a turtle and he grabbed a hammer and smashed it, he cut their cats ear off, and something else I cant remember. =[ So my Mom watched him around our pets and he didnt do anything but whenever he went near our dogs they would run off, like they sensed something weird about him. So anyway, this one day I was goingt o go swimming with my cousin, as I was gone my Mom had some breathing problems and went to the hospital, when she called my sister to go over to our house to take our dogs out to go to the bathroom, while she was at the hospital. She did and when she got to our house, (we have this little jungle gym for kids to play on in the front yard) and well she saw some blood on it and walked around and looked inside it and saw my rabbit lying there dead.

Well she knew how much I loved it and stuff so she knew that when I found out I would be devastated. So when I got home I cried histarically and was really sad. So to make a long story short, we found out it was Austin the stupid freak kid, and we asked him why he did it and he said, “I like to watch the blood come out.” Yeaaah that mad me really mad! My Mom stoped taking care of him and we havent seen him since. And btw, a year earlier my Mom was taking care of him then and one of our rabbits was found in our front yard in our little wishing well thing, (it doesnt have water in it or anything, the bottom was conected to the thing because my dad made it for a decoration for my mom) We asked him about that and he admitted to killing that one to. =[ I hated that kid! Lol, but even now and then I cry about it because when I think about it I just thought hom much Patched liked people and when he saw Austin come up to the htch he was probably happy and excited and was expecting to be held an dloved not murdered. =[ So that made me sad.

Sorry that was really long! But I just want you to get the story and understand its okay to still feel sad and cry about it, because I know I do! Also sadly, my 14 year old do gjust died two days ago, she had multiple strokes and seizures, it was horrible but we had no way toget her to the vet right away, so finally my stupid brother came (her original owner, until he gave her to me after he moved out) and took her ot the vet to be put down. =[ That dog was obsessed with me! Everyone noticed how much she followed me and everything. She would try to make me happy when I was sad and followed me up stairs to my room just to be with me. I know Im going to miss her and probably cry over her now! Oh well, at least I know shes not suffering anymore. Oh and I miss my puppy that died from parvo too. Man I hate death, but unfortunatlly its gotta happen.

Hope I helped and made you feel better! Sorry about sooo much! Lol. But it also feels nice to talk about it. :)

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