How much does past love affect your present life?

yes. relationship in the past, like first love or true love.

i think first true love is simply unforgettable. its hard to get over. but it can only affect your present relationship if you allow it to. some first loves are all so crazy you know, true and pure. if you realised things cant work out and you move on, you have to be strong and just keep them as good memories.

I would have to say it affects me a lot…while going through my div, the last guy I loved held my hand through it all. Reassured me that everything was going to be alright…we were best friends & he always knew what to say to make me feel better! A hear & a half later he finally confessed his true feelings to me & asked if I could find it my heart to even consider being with him…I guess something in me was convinced that if anyone, he was the one that would never hurt me…he always reassured me that he would never do anything to hurt me as others have in the past & I guess somewhere deep down inside me I really needed to stop aching & give my best friend a try. In the beginning, everything was wonderful time just stood still and things were going south…he had things he had to finish, I had to things I had to finish…it was just the wrong time for us…and he slowly pulled away. I was devastated…After all the times he spent telling me how we would be together, made plans for out future…even wanted to design a special ring he had in mind for the engagement…had the song he dedicated to me & wanted us to have at the wedding…and then out of no where…something happened…legal issues dealing with an accidant he was in prior to…and said there was no way we could be together…and broke the whole thing off…I nev thought I could trust again til I met him…I have nev gotten over that relationship…After that I just gave up on love…have ever since…been a year & a half now since I hv left NY…haven’t heard from him since last year…I feel like I lost something precious…it affect me today…I am not sure I could ever forgive him for leading me on like that & simply walking away. I dont think I could ever trust anyone like that again. Not when it comes to matters of the heart! That break up left a huge scar, talking about it still brings me to tears…cant mend a broken heart after its been pierced one too many times. Does it mean I will never love again, who knows…maybe someday if someone that is really worth my time shows me by actions that they are worth it…not just by words! Til then…like Madonna said in her song…”Love dont live here anymore” “You’ve abandoned me, Love dont live here anymore…Just a vacancy…Love dont live here anymore… Love, dont, live, hereeeee anymore…it dont live here anymore…” :(

I am so sorry for what has been happening to you, sweetie. I hope the right man will be there for you. I have been hurt over and over until now I have this great man for the rest of my life. :) Thank you for the share…. :)

As temptress said, it does effect a great deal. It played a large impact on my life. I thought I was in love and I could love no other but now all that remains of him is a memory. I guess it’s a thing with having a relationship with good friends that it only drives the both of you apart. That was what happened and although I am happy and content with the way I’ve moved on myself and found someone who I deeply feel for, there is a part of me that always remembers my past love. Simple things such as seeing my past love just walk by me, smile to his friends, when we are forced to meet in classes, they do spark a light in my past. Losing him made me realize all the things I was missing out on. It made me realize all the things I didn’t want in a person. There’s always something about first love that never lets you forget. Whether its because it’s a new feeling or because we’ve never felt this way towards another. Mostly it’s affected not only my memories but I’ve also found that I can put up walls and block people out when I want to. Many times I feel like hurting the people I love will help keep them from hurting me. So yeah, I guess it does play a large role in ones life. 

For me, of course it does subconsciously, but not consciously ( I don’t think ) Many people have someone they will never forget. Some for the good, others for the bad, and some for alittle of both. The key is, what’s past is past, learn from it, and if you fall in love again, avoid making the same mistakes and don’t compare or take anything you’ve been through out on the person you are currently in, or may have, a relationship with. An ideal situation is when love grows on it’s own when people have an open mind and control the side effects of their baggage.

hey its really sad that you had to go through all that. and yeah i know it hurts. but. atimes things dont just work out the way we want them to. esp. matters of the heart. am dating my best friend too. his a year older than me. we have dreams for the future and alot of plans. but we both have different dreams. and everyday i get scared of what our future would be like. and how life would be without him. i want to marry after school and he wants to get a decent job before settling. am afraid things might not be good. but atimes we have to be strongand learn to move. i also said i acn never trust any1 if he ever betrays me…but its life! S**T happens. dont be so hard on yourself!

I don’t want to sound harsh, but trust me, at age 14, time will go by faster than you may realize right now and many things will change for you in the next few years including the way you think and feel about life. Think of this as a part of your learning experience in becomeing a growm woman. Some day you will give advice to a 14 yr old girl when you have matured even more and will be thankful for what you’ve been through.

You don’t sound harsh at all. I grew up too fast and I was mature during my childhood. I know what you mean and your right. I was just answering from where I stand today, right now. One day I’ll be looking back on these memories and they will be nothing more than a laugh. I’m thankful that I went through something like that at only a young age. I didn’t really have my father around to guide me and it was difficult with my mother. I guess I needed a friend and turned to this person. One who I could confide in. But it’s taught me a lot and I’m glad for that.

Nice advice indeed, thank you.

Onemandog is correct and I am so very proud of you, Cookie. I know you will be standing tall for whatever comes to you. :)

Thanks all for the kind words…Sri my dear..its just another phase & another chapter in my life…nothing I can escape…Yeah the memories will taunt me…what was what could have been what should have been but didnt…I wont sit here & deny that it hurts me because it does & always will. It wasnt a crush nor puppy love to say that it will pass and all will be forgotten…it is a piece of me a part of my heart that is gone, will never be…what kills me the most is that because I was so stupid to believe that my best friend wouldnt do that to me after everything he saw me go through with my div…and when that happened it was a wake up call for me. You cant mix friendship & relationships no matter how hard you want it to be that way…it happened with my ex-husband then happened again with my best friend…I will never make that same mistake of mixing my best friend & confidant to leaping over to a relationship! Keep my friends as friends & perhaps some day my lovers as lovers… Ameena, thanks, like you said sh!t happens…As Adele said in her song…”Someone like you” “Sometimes it lasts in love & sometimes it hurts instead!” After all the sh!t I have been through, betrayal, abandonment…all the assorted abuse…You learn that “TRUST” isnt just a 5 letter word…and without it you have nothing…So you learn to fill your life with other things to fill that emptiness…For me it’s helping others…that is why I even bother sharing…for people to see that they arent alone & life does go on…even if it means living a life without a few things. You learn to suck it up…cry when necessary to let it out but you stand proud & tall, chin up & take a deep breathe & remind yourself that you are Never a failure…Always a lesson!!! Anyways there is always room for improvement!

Thank you for agreeing with me cookielove…♥ I agree with Sri, Cookie, you have a great head on your shoulders & life has shown you many colors of gray…I know you will overcome any obstacle no matter what life’s curve balls throw at you! I also know you will not just take it but fight back & say life, here you go right back at ya! It’s true, even thought you are 14…you are a smart cookie..;) very mature for your age! luv ya girl!

My first love was a girl called Holly, I was never popular in high school nor was I very wealthy but Holly saw past all that and looked at me as somebody who she could be comfortable around, as we got to know each other, I had trouble letting her in because I believed if she knew I had come from a broken family with no father in the picture, she would not want me, but as the months went on I found myself opening up to her slightly and she promised me she would never hurt me or leave me, I’m not ashamed to admit I screwed up with her, I had a good thing going and my unwillingness to open up eventually cost me the relationshhip, I still think about Holly and have often thought of picking up the phone and telling her I still love her, but I feel she can do a lot better than me and I find myself comprehending “what if”, I have not had a relationship since Holly in 2008 as I’m afraid of moving on and forgetting her

Thanks temptress. You have a heart of gold and words can’t define how much you’ve helped me! Love you too big sis!

Our past “loves” and relationships have a huge effect on our previous ones whether we realize it or not. We date when were younger, get our hearts broken, break a few hearts - and its all a part of life and the learning process.

We learn through our mistakes and choices in life. Each relationship we go through offers us more knowledge about what we do and do not want in our next relationship so that we can find the right partner eventually.

We also learn relationship skills through trial and error most of the time. While we may fail at communication or putting our partner first in one relationship - we learn from this (hopefully) and gain the skills needed to maintain a relationship with someone.

Honestly i’m gonna go back to before the last boyfriend, my previous relationships bugged him so much he dwelled on them and used them against me at multiple times. My next relationship I will use my previous relationship as a tool to know how I should be treated and how I shouldn’t. So over all my previous loves will help any relatipnships I have in the future, each of them was a stepping stone to who I am today.

Thank you so much for kind words…but there is need to thank me Cookie…You know I am always going to be here for ya…in good times & in bad…if I was able to help you then it’s because you wanted my help & trusted in me enough to try what I said…So, that is on you…you deserve the pat on the back for the work you have done, I hv only provided the tools & direction…you make it all happen…its like giving you a recipe for a cake…that is all great, but you are the one that adds all the ingredients…if you missed out on some then the cake will turn out bad…if you do it exactly like you wrote down then there should be no reason to mess it up…just follow your heart & your intuition…it’s all you need to guide you in the right direction…if you feel weird about it or some odd strange feeling then dont do it…that is your intuition telling you smth aint right. ;) Thanks for allowing me to help you…it’s a privilege. hugs♥

quite a bit .. i was messed about by this girl, and she mis-used my trust, and really messed my head up. now with future relationships i will want to get to know them far better and get more trust enstilled in it.

Yea man, I had a beautiful, manipulative, control freak, psycho, succubus mess my head up real bad years ago and it’s a miracle I lived through it I learned alot (the hard way) And I have a wife now who is just wonderful and a true blessing in my life. Treat em all as good as you can, and when a good one comes along she will treat you the same and mutual love and respect is what it’s all about.

Every person you love has some kind of impact on you in the future and you learn something new out of every relationship!