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Advice on how to make this better please!!
Once More
I held you close before
But that was when we were more
You had to go and brake my heart
Thats what torn us both apart
You said you just wanted to be friends
But we both know how the story ends
You go threw my mind each passing day
As my own personal punishment in some way
All my memorizes keep flooding in
Wondering what we could have been
As I hide my face behind a mask
My life moves by all at once way to fast
It’s time to get over it
As the candle in my life is once more lit
.Thats what torn us both apart
maybe put
That what tears us both apart
.You said you just wanted to be friends
maybe put
you said you wanted to just be friends
main problem here is the order of wording that disrupts the flow and rhythem of the poem
you spelled threw the wrong way in the eighth line; it’s “through”. and it’s “memories” in the tenth. that’s all for the spelling. also, try using more descriptive terms.
That is what tore us apart. You go through my mind every day. All my memories keep flooding in.
Good, Use descriptions; It doesn’t HAVE to rhyme every line.
Merry Christmas! and Happy Holidays!
No it doesn’t have to rhyme but it is good to keep a rhyme scheme hmm check out cradle of filths nymphetamine, they don’t rhyme every time but when they don’t rhyme they’re still keeping to the rhyme scheme kinda like abcabd cd don’t rhyme but it’s not some random line that doesn’t rhymoe or go with the song no offence mesinger, but keep tp what you’re good at giving advice too 1_~
yeah I can actually post on the question ^_^ lol
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