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A third partner?

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My husband and I are both bi and we like the idea of a third partner. We used to flirt with the idea of having another person in the relationship but both of us decided that it's just too risky to actually carry out. What if something happens? Are they clean? What if we don't like them anymore and then they won't go away? blah blah blah... So ultimatley we decided that it's just a fantasy that puts us in the mood whenever we talk about it. However, I really like the idea of having another woman in our relationship. I'm not a polygamist... well... maybe? I don't know. The point is... I think it would be nice to have a female life partner in our marriage. Someone to help with the cooking, kids and cleaning aroung the house. Maybe cuddle or have an intimate relationship with. We could fool around when my husband isnt home..or when he is home we can both satisfy my husband. Plus, if I don't feel like having sex, she can do it and vice versa... It seems like a nice fantasy. The problem is, I have a hard time even making girl friendships. The girls that I meet are so snotty, stuck up or cruel that I just can't make a friendship last. I always told myself though, that one day I would meet a girl and she would be just like me. We would have things in common more than anyone else. We would go places and have fun and she would be my best friend and maybe even my lover.

So... now it's happening and I'm scared. I met her, she is just like me in every detail and she has my same sense of humor. For the past two weeks we have been hanging out, going places and just laughing so much. I have a great time with her... and for the first time ever... I have a friend that gets along great with my husband. gasp! It's amazing it truly is... but now I'm scared? I've been trying not to think about her in any way but as a friend because it's only been two weeks...but I feel like I've known her all my life. Then a few days ago she tells me that she is bi. Which made me happy because I'm bi.. but I havent been with a girl since high school. Well, my girlfriend died when I was in highschool and I havent been with a woman since...so I told her this and she understood. However, tonight we were out on the town because she had a fight with her roomate. She told me that she was upset and needed to buy some booze. I said okay and took her to the liqour store which was closed... haha and so we sat in the car talking and laughing and she said "I need booze because I'm in love... or fake love... I don't know yet and I just need to drown myself to keep from thinking." I started laughing and said "who are you in love with? that guy at the mall that you always gawk at?" she said "no it's not him. It's someone else... but don't tell my roomate okay? Because he still wants me and if he finds out that I'm in love with someone else he might try to kick me out." At this point I forgot about the whole "love" thing and said "so you are just using his enfatuation with you as a place to stay?" and she said "yeah, he doesnt have shot in hell with me because I can't stand him... but it's better than living with my parents." And so the topic of love was forgotten because I was so shocked that she was using him for a place to stay... I've never been into leading people on but whatever...I forgot to ask about the love thing until later when we were on our way home she asked if she could spend the night with me. I have hard wood floors and a tiny ass bed so I kinda looked at her like "how?" I started laughing and was like "how is that going to work? are we sleeping in the same bed? I don't know if we will both fit?" She looked at me and raised an eyebrow and said "I can sleep on the floor it's not a big deal." I said "I wouldn't make you sleep on the floor but I don't see how we could fit in the bed either." So we both started laughing and talking about fighting for blankets and pillows and then gave up on the whole idea. But now... I'm looking back on it all with unanswered questions. What's going on? Is this what I always wanted? Is it moving too fast for me? If I start to think of her as more than a friend then what happens? Do I cheat on my husband with her until I can ease him into the relationship as well? Do I tell her straight up... if you want me, then my husband is included? What if she only wants me? Will I want her? Will this screw everything up in my life? What if we make this whole thing awkward and then she doesnt even want to be friends anymore? Can I live without her now that I've found her? so this brings me to my question? Do I talk about my fears with her at this point in our friendship and make everything awkward? Do I wait and hope that our bond doesnt become any stronger than friendship? Do I explore this? I want to know who she is in love with? is it me? Do I ask? If I ask and she's talking about me... what do I say? I don't think I am ready for this if thats what she meant... or should I just not ask questions and forget about my fantasies... simply think of her as my friend and nothing more?

I'm leaning towards the last suggestion... theres a lot on the table ...I want my fantasy to be real but if I screw this up chasing after fantasies then there is no going back.

I love my husband...