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I'm almost 6 months pregnant and my boyfriend won't get a job. PLEASE HELP!

I am 6 months pregnant and my boyfriend won’t get a job. He uses my parents and his as a crutch. He was fired in June or July and still hasn’t found another job. He constantly blames his “depression,” I noticed that this depression conveniently appeared when I would ask him to look for a job. He says he’s too depressed and no one will hire him because he has a criminal record. I’ve tried being supportive and motivating him but he just won’t. When we spoke earlier, he said he hadn’t even looked for a job, but he also said he would try harder. I want to believe him but it’s hard. Please give me advice. I have no idea what to do with him now.

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Answer #1

Well if he’s the kind of person who gets 16 year olds pregnant then I am not surprised in the slightest. If this person is depressed - which may not necessarily be a lie - then he should talk to a doctor and then get a referral to a psychologist. In a lot of countries you can claim all of this on your health-care plans without having to pay much (if anything). They will give him questionnaires to fill out and then assess him, and will subsequently attempt to help him if he does need help at all.

In the mean-time you need to speak to your parents and his about your financial position. Ask them what contributions they can make while your boyfriend is between jobs. Set out a financial plan so that you know where you currently stand. You may also consider searching for community service programs or charities if money is going to be extremely tight. The main concern though is of course your boyfriend’s employment. Definitely request that he seeks help, and remind him that he has your support if he’s feeling blue. He’s going to feel a lot worse wallowing in poverty with a child depending on him. You may also consider part-time or casual employment after the baby is born. If you can make not only a financial arrangement, but also a care arrangement with your - and his - parents, then you could make extra money by working during periods when they can care for the child. Plus it’s not like your boyfriend is doing anything at current, so he can care for the child too.

Maybe by showing initiative you can show him just how lazy he is being and how much stress you have to subject yourself to just to make ends meet. This is by no means a guilt trip, but the man needs to grow up. Depression is hard, and although unemployment is normally associated with it, I find unemployment to be even harder to endure.

Answer #2

Thanks so much for your reply, it was very helpful. I’ve asked him to get help and he said he would, so now I guess I’m just playing the waiting game. I told him if he still didn’t have a job by March (when our son is due) then he’ll have to keep the baby while I’m working. My parents are very supportive and so are his, but I feel awful because this is not their child to raise. I’m trying to be patient and understanding but it’s hard to be patient with someone who has put forth no effort to even look for a job.

Answer #3

You shouldn’t feel bad about asking for help, You’re not doing it for yourself, you’re doing it for the child. If you are being let down by your boyfriend, then your parents will surely understand why it is that you need help from them. The best thing to do is just to plan ahead so that there are no surprises when the baby comes. If you know when you and and your parents can care for the child, and when you are able to work, then this should work out fine. He may say he’s going to look for a job, but I would still recommend that you sort out a care plan with your parents ‘just in case’ he changes his mind or becomes unemployed again. Cover your bases and prepare for the worst so that if it comes, it will hardly be a problem.

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