How can I trust him not to cheat on me?

I’m going out with this guy (I’m 17 and he is 21.) And he’s moving into a 6 bedroomed house with his ex (who has only been an ex for 2 months) and a couple of others (some who he has slept with in the past.) He has a bit of a reputation of sleeping with a lot of people, and i don’t know how faithful he’s gonna be in a relationship, i feel like i can’t trust him not to cheat, not only there but also when he goes out around town. And that he might not take me seriously enough to committ to this. How can i trust him?

I havn’t spoke to him about it, we have only been together for like 5 days…so i feel that if i do bring this up it’s gonna make sound clingy and like a control freak or something and i don’t want to drive him away.

Answer #1

Quite honestly in your place I would be paranoid as well. I think what you feel is understandable, you two have not been together long and so you don’t know the guy too well. On top of that, ex’s tend to have a chemistry, reason why they dated in the first place. Really though, I think I would try to bring it up lightly, so not to seem too clingy. But I think if he had any brains he should understand how a situation like that might make a person insecure. If you can’t bring it up, really all you can do is suck it up and see what happens. Try your best to trust him and his feelings for you until he gives you reason not to.

Answer #2

I guess all you can do is wait and see how things play out. You two havent been together for too long so you don’t really know the guy too well. Maybe hes a good, faithful guy… I think you’ll just have to wait and see.

Answer #3

If you have only been together for 5 days do you really have any expectation of exclusivity? To me you sound a little psycho (e.g. Fatal Attraction). You just met this guy and you all ready are into his business of where he lives what he does when he is away from you etc. Do you have any reason to believe he intends to see just you?

Answer #4

I’m a pessimist. & I highly doubt that things will work out for you two in the end. . So ends this fairy tale. And I also have to say that you may be his next number on the list. Why date a guy knowing that he has a bad reputation?

Answer #5

Do not continue to ignore Red Flags

Answer #6

I agree why date him if that’s what he’s know for and I bet you could find someone one drama free…

Answer #7

If you don’t trust him, don’t date him.

A relationship should be based on trust

Answer #8

The relationship may be young, but that does not make it meaningless. As for sounding too clingy, this is something that is highly relevant to you, so you have every right to ask before you get too attached. It is rare that people commit to relationships solely to make the other person happy. We commit to relationships and try to make the other person happy because they make us happy. So, you have every right to find out if this person is capable of making you feel happy. If he is going to be unfaithful, then this relationship is not going to be worth your time, effort and emotional commitment.

I would advise that you do talk to him. You may come across as clingy and a bit distrustful, but you need to look out for yourself. Weigh up the two worst-case scenarios. You could avoid talking to him, get more attached and involved, and THEN be cheated on. Or you could talk to him about it, express your concerns, and come across as clingy. The latter option sounds better to me. Furthermore, if you think he might dump you or take you less seriously for having a perfectly mature discussion with him about the direction and commitments involved in your relationship, then maybe he isn’t worth your time anyway..? If you show him that you are serious about the relationship, he might actually think more of you, rather than less.

Answer #9

I weighed up the two worst-case scenarios. & the chances for this relationship to be healthy as well as successful are “slim to none.”

Answer #10

By this logic all prisoners might as well be sentenced to life imprisonment or death because they will always be the same. People can change. I am not saying he has changed or that he should be welcomed with open arms, but I’d say the first move should be to talk to him about it. Approach this with cynicism, and if even the slightest doubt enters your mind, then sever the ties with him.

Answer #11

And by this logic, I assume you are 100% . . . . . Brainwashed! You can save that “logic” crap for the trekkies, cause I’m not buying it. And for the majority that replied to this post 17 days ago. Their not buying it either. One last thing. Don’t reply to me, reply to jess. I doubt she’s buying it either or she wouldn’t be on here posting this question. Use your logic!

Answer #12

If you can’t then leave

Answer #13

This is perfectly valid logic. One should reply to those who reply to others to expose possible flaws in their arguments. That protects those who are seeking advice from accepting bad advice. That is why we are able to reply to other peoples’ responses, and not just the questions… I am not saying that you are incorrect in saying that the person is untrustworthy; however, you also stated that you are a pessimist, which means that you are condeding a flaw in your own suggestion. I visit the site only occasionally, so if I have returned to this question late then all I can do is apologise.

If you can only dismiss someone’s logic without addressing it, then you are conceding to me further. The flaw in my argument is that I have used an extreme example which may be contextually irrelevant. However, the undertone in my message is to properly analyse the situation without giving in to what may now be preconceptions, and which may now be wrong. It is for her benefit to weigh up her options before dismissing any of them.

Answer #14

valid logic.. . . Please don’t make laugh. . More like “watered down drink talk.” You want to give jess some good advice, then you should be like; Get very far away from this guy. He is a repeat offender. Or better yet - Hey jess, don’t drop your guard, guys like this could end up breaking your heart. .

But that’s the difference between me & you. I don’t sugar coat the obvious. After all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Just so happens that mine is short, simple and to the point.

And if the person is untrustworthy, let’s just say that - that is the first “red flag.” It kind of seems like you want to set lil jess up, for failure.. Oh & by the way; Jess if your reading this, & your still dating this guy, make sure he get’s a check up, & make sure you get on “bc.” I would hate to see you get stuck w/a guy who is capable of getting around like a taxi.

By the way yummeh “I’m more flawless, than I am flawed. “

Answer #15

Nothing is obvious here… That is the point you have missed. You have made an assumption which is ‘reasonable’, but it is not flawless by any means. You have given an instruction and have not in any way attempted to encourage her to explore her options.

Empowering people assists them in a way which means they do not have to come back for further advice, and do not become dependent on other peoples’ advice / instructions. In that way, your advice is bad… You are obviously looking out for her, and that’s admirable, but sometimes ‘short’ and ‘simple’ answers don’t cut it. I am not saying you are wrong, as if I did I would be making the same mistake. What I am saying is that you do not know enough about this to give meaningful advice, and nor do I. The person who knows the most about this scenario is Jess, and that is why she needs to explore her options before making a premature decision.

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