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Alright, here is a poem I just finished writing. Please tell me what you think and what could be differant. what do I need to fix? thanks =)
You Saved Me
“I wanna die” holding a gun to her head “Baby, you have your whole life to look forward to” “I hate my life. I just wanna die” tears rolling down face “Please no baby! Why do you wanna die?” “Because my life sucks way more then imaginable and no one cares about me” starts sobbing “I care!” “I know ‘you’ do, but no one else does” “Aren’t I enough?” becomes silent, lets her arm go limp and drops the gun to the floor. He pulls her into his arms and holds her to his chest and whispers in her ear “I care baby! I care!”
I’ve never had anybody care about me like you do They all walk away and say I’m messed up in the head But you stay by my side and help me through everything If it wasn’t for you, I would be dead
I want to thank you for saving my life And never walking away Instead you always putting a smile on my face Just like you did today
You know everything I have been threw And you know how to make it alright Well, at least when I am talking to you Almost every single night
But I would rather have it alright for a few hours Then never alright at all And I do believe you care about me Because you never let me fall
You make it seem like I belong in the world No matter how sad or depressed I feel You make everything bad go away for awhile All my bad emotions, you steel
You have no idea how much you mean to me Because there is no words in the world to explain it You’re the reason I’m still living today But I wish there was a way to prove it
I can never tell you how I feel Because I can never find the right words to say But I hope you know I love you And I hope you’re here to stay
I strongly disagree with thee other two I for one love it, if is beautiful is that all you have written before do you write more I would love to hear thee rest if you do kus I like this one a lot.. :)
I really like it. You explain the poem really well in the story which I like. It's good :)
well its pretty good!!! you do need to make some changes though!!! but cute!!!:)
no one is going to take the time to read all that on a site like this...
I really like it. But you can make some changes (:
it's kind of bad...
