Is it wrong to want to be with a girl when she is already in a relationship?

I REALLY like this girl (lets give her the name of sally, incase she has an account on here). so i met sally at the begging of the school year (August) and at first thought ok she is nice and pretty and well it has gone from that to wow she is the most beautiful girl in the world, she trully cares about other people and want to help them,she is a great person! the only problem is that she has a boyfriend (lets give him the name john). So sally and I are friends when we see each other in the halls we smile and at the football games when she sees me says “Hi Mark” however she does not do this by her boyfriend and i understand that and am ok with it. her and her boyfriend seem to get along but i know i could be a better boyfriend. John her boyfriend is alittle controlling of her for example i was going to ride with sally and here best friend (giving her the name of ashley) ashley for one of our classes that we go off campus and talk to kids about right choices. sally and ashley said they would not mind if i ride with them since i had no idea how to get there on my own. on the day we were supposed to go i get a text from sally saying sorry but you i cant have you ride with me becasue john does not like the idea of it. (I have only talked to john once and he seemed like an ok dude when talking to him this was like 4 weeks before the text message from sally. befroe that i though john was kind of an asshole). i did not let myself get too mad about that text and sally and i are friends still, i think she know i like her but i have no idea if she does, so my basic question is if i like Sally and enjoy talking to her and love bearound her is it wroung to follow my heart and somehow steal her away or should i wait till the break up if they ever do and then take a chance with her. btw i think sally is Smart,Beautiful,Nice,Careing,Fun to be around,Easy to talk to, and an all around Great person. please any advice with be most appreciated. Sorry for the length!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer #1

Well, No it is not wrong to WANT to be with her while she has a boyfriend… but if your trying to get with her while she has a boyfriend then your only going to complicate things and be considered a Homewrecker. If you really care about her just wait, and if you don’t want to wait, find someone single.

Answer #2

I’m kind of in the same situation as you! I have a crush on a guy who already has a girlfriend. He’s extremely nice and sweet to me. (Sometimes I feel as if he and his gf don’t have the connection that me and him have because we’re pretty good friends and we enjoy each others presence.) But he seems happy with his girlfriend right now so it’s wrong to try to ruin anything between them. If you really cared, you’d just let their relationship be and try to move on. If they end up breaking up, you’ll have a chance.

Answer #3

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Answer #4

It’s not wrong, and maybe you should actually talk to her about “I think John’s taking advantage of you and so on…” she will probably listen to you but why not give a try..and explain that you like and tell her “I know your in a relationship but I think I’ll be much better than him…” and then walk away, so she can take that in… She’ll probably talk to you and things may go right… Hope this helps:)

Answer #5

Thanks For the advice

Answer #6

thanks for advice

Answer #7

thanks for the advice and sorry you are in the same situation i in.

Answer #8

Thank you, i will think about doing what you said

Answer #9

I say get your girl. if she actually breaks up with her boyfriend for you then she probably liked you more in the first place so i’de try :) better to regret doing nothing later. Goodnight.

Answer #10
  1. You have developed what they call a ‘crush’ on her my friend. A crush is an irrational desire to be with someone when you do not or do not plan/intend to take action towards confronting them.

  2. You are in a state of ‘inner conflict’. A part of you wants to be with her while the other part of you feels it’d be wrong for you to try. It’s like two resisting equivalent forces pushing the object in their direction of influence which is the exact opposite of the direction of influence of the other equivalent force. What happens when when you are in a state of inner conflict? - you do nothing. You’re simply stuck in inaction and you start to stagnate there in inertia.

  3. Don’t waste your time in the inertia of inner conflict, man. Confront her or simply drop the idea of her forever. If you confront her and she rejects you - that’s fine, you’ll at least not be stuck in a rut and wouldn’t regret not confronting her later or if you choose to not confront her and forget about her, that’s fine either - at least you’ll save yourself a humongous chunk of your precious time and energy which you were wasting having a ‘crush’ on her from a distance.

  4. Don’t compromise your values for a girl or let a girl dictate your value to you. At the end of the day, man, she’s just a girl. If she treats you in a way which you wouldn’t tolerate from another person, simply, cut her out. She has to give respect to be respected back. She can’t treat you the way SHE likes if it’s below the radar of the kind of behavior you do not tolerate.

  5. The fact that ‘John’ is controlling no matter how little, makes me instantly predict that it’s the beginning of the end of the relationship. Nothing tears relationships apart faster than clingy/controlling behavior and emotional violence.

  6. Realize that anything only has as much value as we choose to assign to it (something I call the ‘value property’). You are simply assigning too much value to her which is causing you to self hypnotize your perception into seeing her as in possession of more value than she actually has. You are coming from a frame of scarcity and scarcity makes you project qualities into a girl which don’t really exist and it also makes you blow your perception of her positive qualities out of proportion.

  7. You might be reading too much into the interactions you have with her. I have a similar friend who has a crush on this girl, once she lent him a pencil and he ended you reading a history into the simple action of her lending a simple pencil to him - he talked about it and tried to decode it for like days. It’s really brutal. Saying ‘Hi Mark’ and her smiling might simply be her way of showing she wants to be friends. Don’t read too much into it man, she might just want to be friends.

    To sum it up: Confront her or forget her. Don’t just stagnate in inaction admiring her from a distance. Save yourself the time of your life, it’s your most precious commodity.

Answer #11

It’s wrong to want a taken girl no matter if she fine.

Answer #12


Answer #13

what hi said

Answer #14

Yeh. Confront her but respectfully. Don’t break them up. If she’s 4 u, then yay, if not, then boo.

Answer #15

Thank you, this is the best advice that anyone could possibly say!

Answer #16

i appreciate that you took the time to read and give me true advice thaks again

Answer #17

i appreciate that you took the time to read and give me true advice thaks again

Answer #18


Answer #19

Welcome man, glad that I helped. I believe in giving value :)

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